Social Security Disability Income: REJECTED - again
This is going to be short, and not very sweet. I was once again turned down for SSDI. Yes, once again. It's a no-go. And for your enlightenment, I will attempt to explain why things turned out this way. This will be a dry read (despite the all encompassing humidity we are currently experiencing in this desert locale).
In early November 2021, I was set up with an operation that applied for SSDI on my behalf. Somewhere behind the scenes, administrative stuff happened (or didn't happen).
By late January, I hadn't heard anything from these folks, so I called to check on my status. Well, I didn't have any status, because they lost my file. Or they misplaced me. Or as they said, "We couldn't find you… "
So the person who ran the operation promised she would promptly submit my documentation. We spent two hours on the phone right then and there going over the paperwork. Upon submission she congratulated me, stating that I should know something within three months.
Two months later I participated in a conference call with the Social Security Administration (and they stated a decision hadn't been made yet).
Time passes, then it's June, and I hadn't heard anything from anybody. So I took matters into my own hands, calling the Social Security Administration myself. And they told me a decision would be made by September 8th of 2022. So at that point in time, I marked my calendar. Or whatever you call the thing on your phone that indicates a future occurrence.
Guess what? The future was today. I decided to call the Social Security Administration to see if a decision had been rendered ahead of schedule. And what they told me will absolutely terrify you! So please, don't freak out! That's an order. From the Sergeant General!
The Social Security employee (Marcus) informed me that my application for SSDI had been rejected back in April of 2022. Yes, way back when. He also explained to me that none of the paperwork had ever been submitted, and that's the reason why my case was rejected. He said the only thing they received was a paper with my signature affixed. Something to give permission to somebody to do something.
And that's the end of the story. So despite having numerous diagnostic features in my nursing home file (most erroneously depicted), nothing ever happened and nothing took place. Now I have to resubmit my file… if the Social Security Administration is kind enough to allow me the opportunity.
Based on the typical timeline, I should be granted SSDI sometime in early 2023. Or late 2022. Or by the next summer after that.
Flustered and Flummoxed
This is upsetting because I still don't have any f***** money to call my own. This also means additional months of relying upon everyone else on the f***** planet to f***** support me. If I want gluten-free dairy-free sugar-free everything-free cookies, or probiotics, or blueberries, or a new adapter for my phone, I'll have to ask others to purchase these things for me. That means, I must continue begging for the things I need to survive. And also, for comfort items (mostly, it's comfort items, I REALLY don't need these other things - I am acting like a big fat baby!). But in the least, I've got my f***** power chair. So I can roll around and be f***** angry, or sad, or super f***** happy. It's my choice.
Possibly, I need to be further humbled. Perhaps I have remnant ego issues, or other personality defects unresolved.
So yeah, not a big deal. Expectations are a mind f***. I know better than that. And you should, too!
That escalated quickly. Yes, it really did. I survived some sort of kidney stone / bladder stone attack last evening. It wasn't the worst thing ever. Nope. Death is the worst thing ever.
And why do I think the self-generated internal body stone(s) problem happened? Well, it's likely due to my being somewhat dehydrated as a result of my spending additional daily hours outdoors because I have a power chair that allows me to do just that. Yes, that's what I'm thinking - It's all my fault for pushing too hard. I shouldn't be wheeling around outside when the heat indices range between 110 and 115°. That's hot for any human.
Last night they took x-rays around midnight, and since I haven't heard anything yet, I'll assume that everything is a-okay. I will, however, spend less time in the heat…
Ugh. It's not easy though, knowing the direct sunlight is, in essence, my cure all. If it weren't for the outdoors, I would still be laying hopelessly flat in my bed 24 hours a day.
UPDATE: x-rays unremarkable - Yay!
Aquarius on the Agenda
Hmmm… that escalated quickly. I have a new friend. And it's not surprising, when you think about it. Now that I am mobile I am able and capable of spending time with other humans, not necessarily the ones who visit me in my room or smoke cigarettes outside.
The particular person whom I am now enjoying has only been working here for a couple of months. And what makes her special is that she processes much the same way I do. Or perhaps that's not the thing that's special, really, it's our ability to interact at a thousand miles per hour, without pause, care, or concern. And sometimes, without cause. Probable cause. Probably caused by our matching quick-witted natures.
She claims she's never been able to accelerate at high rates of speed as she does with me. Of course, I've experienced this sort of manic conversational technique previously, and even lately (from afar). In any case, this is a rare occurrence. She's only been alive half as long as I have, so it makes sense that she's been underexposed and unreasonably impressed.
Then there's her deep dive into the realm of introspective assessing and self-questioning. She spends a fair amount of time making inroads to improve herself. How do I know this? I see it happening live before my eyes. Not only that, the questions she asks me are smack dab right on target. There's no easy escaping. Additionally, she's mentioned the lack of emotional intonation in my words, which at first I found upsetting. But after a brief self-assessment, I determined that she was spot on.
Hmmm… I already have at least one person who does that, can feel my emotional engagement, but there's always room for more. I often get too caught up in analytical mode. Assessment mode. Interpretation mode. Lots and lots of modes, lacking any kind of emotionality.
Oh, I should probably name this person. Let's call her Karma. Does that work for everybody?
So that's what's been happening of late. And that gives me a second or possibly third, go-to person, when the other go-to people cannot be gone to.
As an example, I've got my favorite CNA, who brings an entirely different skill set to the table. Her emotional knowing makes things easy. Or simply, her over-the-top (under-the-bottom?) introversion is comforting. So yeah, my people relations continue to blossom, almost without even trying.
Chair Me Up
I am now fully capable of getting in and out of my chair without assistance, while also gathering the necessities to bring along with me wherever I happen to go. Reaching behind my chair (while in the chair) to set up my formula feed is physically difficult (and partially exhausting), but everything else is coming along smoothly.
Oh, my new reacher/grabber is a most fantastic device. I should have purchased one long ago, as it helps me be more self-reliant.
My main goal at this point in life is to never use the word "help" ever again, in specific regards to my asking for help for myself. After a while, "help" becomes an ugly sort of word. Finding clever ways to embed that word in a sentence is one of my least favorite pastimes. The word "help" is difficult to disguise, and doesn't take well to camouflaging. It sticks out like two sore thumbs at a Happy Days convention, featuring Henry Winkler.
I'd offer examples, but I'm sure y'all know what I mean. Right? When we can do things, we actually do the thing, usually, despite the consequences.
*And thanks to yippee ki-yay for linking me to the enterovirus post - I need to remember those things for my neuromuscular specialist appointment next week, just in case. I am hoping this doctor (subordinate to the main dude) is good at what he does, maybe taking a fair amount more interest than the gastroenterologist did two weeks ago.
Here's hoping for fewer days of pain and suffering for each and every one of us.
P.S. I will eventually send a picture of myself in my chair, but I need to be clothed first. But wearing clothes is a difficult concept for me. Yes, as I wear a simple pair of shorts out and about, but it's too blasted warm and humid to consider other clothing options.
Yesterday the director of nursing and I had a conversation regarding my near nakedness, and she once again asked if I was ever going to wear clothes. She even offered to buy me a Hawaiian shirt, or some breathable mesh shirts, or something like that. But I explained that I'm always warm in the least, and too damn hot the rest of the time, blaming my metabolism for metabolizing at a high rate of speed.
Anyway, I will come up with some sort of clothed image for y'all, possibly the next time I have a visitor.
Oh, get this! It's been so blasted humid the past several weeks that at one point, the indoor relative humidity in my room was actually 81%! This is NOT normal! Even Florida USA is not that damn humid. I don't think.
NEXT UP: Howard's Explorations - Pictures, with FEWER words!