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Shelter Skelter / 5 and 1/2 Weeks / Please Vote

Greetings. I am still alive. And if you are reading this, you are still alive, too. Congratulations! Please forgive my lack of posting. I've been a lowdown dirty depressed sort of human during these recent weeks, but heck, things could turn around suddenly. Improvement is just on the horizon. It's too bad the horizon is so flipping far away!


Because I need to figure things out soon, I wrote out a whole gosh darned thing explaining and detailing situations and scenarios in regards to my soon-to-be future.

What does that future entail?

Wellll…. I need to find some place to live by April 1st. The reason being, temperatures will most assuredly heat up by then, to a point beyond uncomfortability. And then also, living inside a garage that's not weatherproofed wouldn't be survivable in the desert heat, once the summer comes.

My Former Wife Person had been telling me that she will sell the condo (for the past couple of months), and then purchase some place else to live, someplace where I can have access indoors. However, she's yet to move forward on this plan, because there exist a plethora of extenuating circumstances.

So I've got 44 days to figure this out. The pressure is on, so let's have some fun deciding where I will be sheltering in the coming months.

If you happen to be up for the task, please vote for whichever of the following options seems best. Because really, I remain wholeheartedly unsure.


Vote (choose one)


My options are as follows:

  1. Move back to … The Nursing Home

Advantages:

I know everybody there
Readily available medical support
Relatively safe and convenient neighborhood (IF I'm allowed to leave the property)
Access to codeine (for pain)
No privacy

Disadvantages:

It's a nursing home
Restricted freedom
No more sleeping soundly / sleeping through the night
Would be unable to manage pain with marijuana
My monthly income would decrease from $900 per month down to $25 per month
And yes, it's a nursing home


  1. Assisted Living

Advantages:

Air conditioning
Probable wheelchair access
Occasional assistance with tasks

Disadvantages:

Lack of diversity - surrounded by a small(ish) group of disabled (or uncommunicative) old men
Restricted freedom (less so than the nursing home)
Would be unable to manage pain with marijuana
No privacy
My monthly income would decrease from $900 per month down to $25 per month


  1. Payson Arizona (Female Friend)

Advantages:

Living off the grid / peaceful location
Have my own bedroom and kitchenette
Living with one of my former best friends
Would be able to keep my $900 per month income (she’d probably charged me 500 per month or so)
Comfortable late spring/summer temperatures mostly around 100° summertime days (60s at night), vs. nearly 110° where I'm currently staying (80s overnight)


Disadvantages:

Several hundred dollars to move my necessary possessions to location (and several hundred dollars to move them back, when the time comes)
Friend smokes two packs of cigarettes each day indoors and is unclean
No access to doctors or medical assistance besides 911
Limited to staying on-property / can't travel or explore (inaccessible dirt road and / or uneven terrain
She wouldn't offer helpful assistance in most regards
Interior access may not be suitable for my wheelchair


  1. Garage (w/door into interior condo propped open, allowing some cool air to filter into the garage space)

Advantages:

Instead of it being over 100° in the garage, temperatures would be likely range between 85 and 95°
No moving costs
No change in medical situation or scenarios


Disadvantages:

Still very warm and difficult to endure
Utility bill would approach $500 per month, versus a more standard and normal $200 (I can contribute to that bill out of my own pocket, so not really a big deal)


  1. Upstairs Condo (living on the second floor)

Advantages:

Air conditioning
Wouldn't have to move
Familiar (caring) roommate
No additional out of pocket costs
Going outside on balcony possible, if I can operate a manual wheelchair with assistance and / or have someone wheel me out there every now and again


Disadvantages:

Unable to leave upstairs
Cannot go to appointments
Same bedroom where I was stuck in bed for six consecutive years
Wouldn't see any other people socially or otherwise


Those are my choices. I need to figure this out. Soon! If you have an opinion, please share.


Take care,
Howard



P.S. I am unable to edit the number listed on the headers because I can't figure it out due to my inability to figure it out. So if you vote for option #1 ...

IMG_20240213_075721__01__01.jpg
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Comments

Judee
Does the garage have an outside wall at all? If so, could you have a mini-split installed? I think they do both heating and cooling although it's newer technology and I think there was an add on of some sort I watched a video on that would be necessary for the cooling aspect in really high outdoor temperatures. I can't remember what the add on was and I can't find the video right now. Sorry. :)
Con = kinda expensive, I believe.

Not a lot of great choices you have otherwise. Wasn't there a friend* with a cabin who was willing to build you a ramp or was that the lady you referenced above who is off-grid?

*You had a whole list of choices last spring too and it seems like there were a few more choices than this list now but maybe those aren't open to you anymore. ??

If not a mini-split maybe one of these: https://www.amazon.com/BLACK-DECKER...7888249&sprefix=air+conditionn,aps,125&sr=8-4
 
Howard
Judee said:
Does the garage have an outside wall at all? If so, could you have a mini-split installed?
Click to expand...

Unfortunately, modifications cannot be made to the exterior or through the wall, as I am not really supposed to even be here. So, no ventilation avenues are available.

And yes, my friend doesn't have a cabin, but it's a reasonably sized portion of her home that's available. The only concerning part is a potential inability to access transport to a local doctor (near Payson, Arizona), but I suspect there's got to be some type of service available, despite being a fair ways out of town.

Today, my home care agency explained to me that they do have at least ten caregivers employed in that general vicinity, so perhaps some assistance would be available.

Also, based upon the conversion I had with my Ex this afternoon, it could be several months before the home situation is resolved (assuming she's going to follow through with her selling the condo plan). So perhaps I should take flight off into mountainous terrain. It's not like any local medical professionals are going to make the effort to properly diagnose and/or resolve my current health issues anyway. Somehow I am beyond their scope of interest or concern... which I am sure, each and every one of us can relate to.
 
Judee
Would you be able to get medical care and pain meds with the assisted living option?

Edit: And does your Mom's assisted living have any openings? She's in a different city isn't she? Would that give you options to some different doctors... maybe someone who could figure some of this out for you??
 
Hufsamor
Ok. You are the one living your life, so my thoughts are only based on my thoughts and may not be relevant to how you feel about it at all. I just throw in some questions and some thoughts.

As far as I understand, it’s not like you’ve been terribly happy living in the garage?
(Most of it has to do with your pain, I suspect, but even before the terrible pain began, it seems to me the garage was a very temporary solution.)

I can’t imagine you going back to the nursing home with hardly any sleep?
Or the second floor where you were stuck for all those years? (With hardly any human contact and far more restricted freedom than in the nursing home)

Assisted living.
If you are able to get codeine in the nursing home, wouldn’t you have access to it in an assisted living as well?
If so, I feel like this is the best solution.
Biggest downside is the money. And money is important.
It’s not like you’re stuck there forever and ever. You might try over the summer, and then decide your next move?
With all the pain and troubles you are going through atm, it seems wise to have access to health care.
And it seems to be the place where you’re less stuck than the other places.
(Both second floor at your former wife and your friends house don’t give you roaming possibilities at all)

If you really can’t stand the thought of the assisted living I suppose your friends house is a number 2 possibly. It’s not like you marry her either, you might try over the summer and then decide your next move. You’ll keep your money, but in reality you’ll be stuck with only one person and her cigarette smoke day in and day out.
I have the impression that you love your freedom to get out and around.

Good luck with your decision
 
Rufous McKinney
Nothing like options!

"...there exist a plethora of extenuating circumstances"

ah, I could taste that, like smooth, very dark 72 percent chocolate

Crashing here again, having briefly dipped back into my prior existence before all this got worse (I read a report, about something I worked on for 25 years).

I got seriously triggered. Probably like you'd be triggered, returning to your Alma Mater.

I might have opinions about Assisted Living, given my extensive experience being rejected.

R
 
Rufous McKinney
the managing pain with marijuana, part...

Could you access drops, or gummies while in a facility?

Or is it the remaining $25 of big bucks isn;t going to buy much pain relief?
 
Howard
Judee said:
Would you be able to get medical care and pain meds with the assisted living option?

Edit: And does your Mom's assisted living have any openings? She's in a different city isn't she? Would that give you options to some different doctors... maybe someone who could figure some of this out for you??
Click to expand...

Yes, while residing in an assisted living home I'd still be able to go to appointments, but wouldn't receive pain med access ... because none of my doctors will prescribe anything except gabapentin. I have a prescription waiting for me if I decide to try it - lots of side effects and apparently it's addictive.

My mother lives about 35 miles away. The problem being, it's a family home with only two bedrooms. But yes, different doctor's could prove favorable.
 
Howard
Hufsamor said:
Biggest downside is the money. And money is important.
It’s not like you’re stuck there forever and ever.
Click to expand...

Right. Money gives me options. If I go into any facility or assisted living home, I'll no longer have any options, besides waiting for my Ex to find a new home where I could live... sometime in the future.

I'm leaning towards moving up to the Payson area with my former friend. There are different ways to suffer, and I think I'd rather suffer without having medical care (or help at home), rather than having my freedoms restricted again.

If I knew a new home was fast in coming (via the Ex), I'd be more inclined to move upstairs temporarily. But who knows how many months I'd be marooned up there. Maybe she'd move forward with the plan (with more urgency) if she witnessed my suffering first hand.

But really, I am an adult individual that needs to find his own way, instead of relying upon various women to provide my shelter and/or socialize with me.

Tough decision. Perhaps the problem will solve itself.

Hufsamor said:
in reality you’ll be stuck with only one person and her cigarette smoke day in and day out.
I have the impression that you love your freedom to get out and around.
Click to expand...

I'll have to get additional details, see how much access I might have. Maybe she can send me some more detailed pictures.


Another factor is that I am mostly bedridden now due to the pain, so maybe in a few weeks I'll have no choice either way. I could be even worse.

Thanks for your response(s) thus far!
 
Seadragon
Hufsamor said:
With all the pain and troubles you are going through atm, it seems wise to have access to health care.
And it seems to be the place where you’re less stuck than the other places.
(Both second floor at your former wife and your friends house don’t give you roaming possibilities at all)

I have the impression that you love your freedom to get out and around.
Click to expand...
@Howard I would agree with what Hufsamor says above.

None of the choices you have are ideal but in the current circumstances, the nursing home or assisted living seem like the two better options....at least for now and for the summer anyway, not necessarily forever!

If it weren't for the sleeping issues at the nursing home, I'd vote for that option for access to medical care and pain meds, the ability to go to appointments more easily and because you know the people there already. You can have social interaction with others and have at least some freedom to go out and about in an area you know well and on familiar routes.

The assisted living would be my second choice but is no access to pain relief realistic for you at the moment?

It might be that after the summer, other better options come up.

Hugs....
 
Zebra
Sometimes having many less-than-ideal options makes decision making more difficult. Yikes!

It's smart of you to solicit opinions, even though you are absolutely under no obligation to act on them.

If the relocation is indeed temporary-ish, my vote is for Assisted Living.

I understand that your monthly income will go down to just $25 per month, so I am assuming that if/when you return to cohabitating with your wife or other future roommate, you would contact the Powers That Be and re-instate your $900 per month income?

Also, is staying with your friend a now or never option?

Or could it be that you try out something like Assisted Living and if it's untenable, you then proceed to Plan B, moving in with your friend?

I am sweet on Judee's suggestion to move in with, or close to, your mom, but that may be my own personal bias, because I long to spend more time with my elderly mom before she passes.

Anyway, if I were in your shoes I would come up with a Plan A and a Plan B, so you have an escape plan if necessary!

I'm sure you know that I wish you all the best. All the time.

Please keep us posted!
 
C
I think your safest, most comfortable option would be staying put at the same location and moving upstairs. I’m in the same room I was in for 6 years while bedridden and tortured by this disease. But I improved for a year and got to leave my room and go outside. Same room, but positive, happy feelings because I had improved.

So what I’m saying is, it would be a good idea to keep it simple if you’re at a critical point in your illness. Lots of options, however, if you improve.

Upstairs condo is my final vote.
 
sunshine44
I vote move upstairs with your wife and have access to clean running water, refrigerator, food, toilet, air circulation, heat and ac. Etc.

You know it’s only temporary and not your forever. Huge no to attempting to continue on in your garage. That sounds like a slow death on 120 degree days no one deserves.

Your friend situation sounds like a wild card and I’m not sure you have a wild card move in you at the moment. Sounds like you don’t have the fortitude you did last year and you might not even be able to navigate her place that well plus all the energy it takes to learn new things and new humans. Seems like a risky move.

You know you don’t want to live in an assisted living facility rn. I would only go back to nursing home if all other options are off table.

focus on stabilizing, nourishing things. Maybe time upstairs would give your wife time and strength to see if she really wants to move. She must have mixed feelings I would imagine if you are up in the air too. I think that would be tough to make such a huge decision in such a short amount of time. It’s a terrible housing market rn for buyers. Things are exponentially more expensive than when she moved in that place most likely.

Ps. How’s your feed situation going? Dyd you transition to whole food yet and away from the feed you were intolerant to?
 
Seadragon
Howard, is there a way for you to move back upstairs but have medical support come to you, at least for assessment of your current problems and pain with the J Tube and advice re formulas not suiting you?

The more pleasant and less stressful option for now would seem to be move back upstairs for the summer but somehow you do need better doctor/specialist care also.

It is a conundrum for sure.

Thinking of you....
 
Howard
Thank you for all the responses. I apologize for my late response, as I've had a series of rough days and I'm starting to improve a little bit the past 48 hours.

Hopefully I'll be able to comment tomorrow at greater length.

In any case, this is the kind of input I needed and required. Sometimes having too many options can be slightly overwhelming. I'm not stressed out, by any means, but I'm having difficulty prioritizing.

Take care,
Howard ☺️
 

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