I'm half asleep right now. But that also means I'm half awake. Let floweth thyne words, right?
So what comes next is my response to the comments received in my previous blog entry. My original stated dilemma had much to do with my future choosing, specifically, answering the following question: where shall I be living on April 1st?
If you choose not to read any further, please allow me to express my gratitude. Great input! Thank you all!
Hashing Out Options / Making Decisions -
Off-grid
For several reasons, moving up to Payson, Arizona is now off the table. I am just too unwell. If this was last October or even back in June, moving up into the mountainous terrain would be the most advantageous temporary solution.
But now, with a pronounced difficulty maintaining my weight, while suffering through daily bouts of gastrointestinal illness, plus, the ever- present pain issues…. well yeah, this option is not going to work.
Care Facility
The nursing home option is a last resort. If I become totally grounded in place, unable to get out of bed at all, then yes, the nursing home might be the way to go.
Also worth considering is that I was so angry and frustrated in the final months before leaving the nursing home (due to the restrictions and lack of sleep). If this is going to end for me, I do not want my final demise to take place there (if I can help it).
Sharing Space
I do not believe I am well enough for assisted living. Mainly, I would not be receiving much help from the limited number of staff (if it came down to that). And I also do not feel like contending with the stress and strain of having a stranger as a roommate (no privacy / consistent sleep), unless I absolutely have to be in that situation.
Baked Alive
It's more than likely I wouldn't be able to survive the summer in the garage environment, unless my tolerance for heat has improved exponentially.
Either way, I'm going to try to tough it out as long as I can in the garage environs, hoping I solve the pain and dieting issues on my own. As you know, based upon your own personal experiences, there's nobody and no entity out there willing to, or in any way, able to help. That's the unfortunate reality of our “illness” existence. If doctors can't solve the equation by running a battery of tests, blame is laid upon the patient. That's right, it's our fault - in effect, psychosomatic.
Upstairs
So if things continue as they are, I'll move upstairs into the condo interior and hope for the best. I guess really, I don't need the freedom to explore, or go outside. Me wanting to do those things is selfish. I've had my year of freedom - my year of roaming around the village, exploring, experiencing real life events. I should simply be grateful after having endured seven years being stuck on a mattress. It's a miracle that I somehow recovered to the extent that I did at the time.
On the Market
My wife and I had a discussion last week, and she agreed to have someone come out to evaluate the property, one of those real estate agencies that makes cash offers.
And if there's an offer made, something reasonable, something within $20,000 of the actual property value, then possibly some progress will be made towards having a more (semi)permanent solution in the coming months.
Additionally, we've discussed potential neighborhoods that would fall into a purchasing price range, and then also, be strategically located.
Money Maker/ Income
One downside right now is that she lost her job three weeks ago. I could provide details regarding this unfortunate event, but I shall spare you the details.
For what it's worth, I am already giving her $500 a month per rent, plus, I've given her $200 each month for utilities. Then also, she's earning additional money as a designated caregiver (for me), compensated monetarily two hours per day. So all is not lost.
Doctoring and Appointments
And then also, if necessary, it's possible that my seeing a doctor or a specialist could still be on the agenda with me living upstairs.
Generally speaking, transport used to charge me between $150 and $300 per trip (hospital/testing/other medical events), depending on the circumstances and exacting details of my itinerary. But now, I'd simply need someone to wheel me down the (difficult to navigate) stairs, in a manual wheelchair. At that point, I could hop in my power wheelchair and take it from there… assuming I'm still strong enough to do so.
So I need to figure out if there's any service that would help me get down the stairs. The wife is strong, works out, lifts weights several days per week, but there'd have to be an additional available person assisting me down the stairs.
Perhaps I could hire someone off of Craigslist - pay them $100 out of pocket (for their efforts).
Strength in Pain
Regarding the pain issues, I found an old prescription of codeine from 2017. So I think that'll somewhat tide me over for a while. Additionally, codeine slows down intestinal peristalsis, so perhaps that's why my diarrhea has diminished over the past two days. So that, in combination with the marijuana, should help.
Also, I've been doing my fair share of abdominal crunches. The idea? Strengthen my core in order to help relieve the internal pressure. So possibly, that is working, too. I've been doing these exercises for the past three weeks now, and the duration of the pain has been much shorter, for the most part. Instead of an hour or two consecutively, I can sometimes relieve the excruciating pain within 10 minutes by undulating properly. Or improperly. Hell, I don't know. The concept makes sense to me.
As an added bonus, smoking an occasional cigarette helps my mental state. It gives me something to look forward to, something that will calm me for a period of time, similar to meditating.
Oh, the other thing I may need to figure out is how to locate a trustworthy local drug dealer. My former band of homeless friends (over on 40th street) could help me in that effort, but I'd have to transport myself over to their neck of the woods. Neck of the desert? Hmmm….
So the idea is to get some Tylenol 3 (the one that has codeine in it) and simply utilize that drug, since codeine doesn't have many side effects or initiate any long-term damage. Based upon what I've read, it's the safest and simplest pain med out there - which is why I started taking it in the first place.
Intake
Lastly, I've been able to ingest approximately 1200 calories each of the past seven days. And that's a victory of sorts.
Joy of Joys
I got outside and into the sunshine for at least 30 minutes for three consecutive days, so that's an accomplishment of sorts. Beyond that, I'm mostly watching episodes of Judge Judy, and Rawhide. Sometimes I'll revisit various incarnations of Star Trek.
Rawhide is actually kind of cool. I never watched it before. One of the stars is Clint Eastwood. He's famous because he made a lot of cowboy movies where he didn't talk much, but he knew how to take care of himself with his Colt 45 or 44 Magnum or some distinguished variety of hand cannon. But the best part of the Rawhide episodes is the black and white cinematography - the high desert scenery, mountains and mesas and valleys and desert shrub and Joshua trees. And the plot is simple: manly men herding cattle, and driving them to market, all across the Great Western Lands. Entertaining stuff. Plus, I'm finding enjoyment learning the lingo.
That'll do it for now. I saw the doctor two days ago, and she's going to try to score me an abdominal MRI. Perhaps something good will come out of that. A diagnosis. Clues. Hope. You know, the usual suspects.
Take care,
Howard
Garage Life
A picture of the picture I took during my last solo road trip excursion, Thanksgiving 2012 - Mojave Desert
So what comes next is my response to the comments received in my previous blog entry. My original stated dilemma had much to do with my future choosing, specifically, answering the following question: where shall I be living on April 1st?
If you choose not to read any further, please allow me to express my gratitude. Great input! Thank you all!
Hashing Out Options / Making Decisions -
Off-grid
For several reasons, moving up to Payson, Arizona is now off the table. I am just too unwell. If this was last October or even back in June, moving up into the mountainous terrain would be the most advantageous temporary solution.
But now, with a pronounced difficulty maintaining my weight, while suffering through daily bouts of gastrointestinal illness, plus, the ever- present pain issues…. well yeah, this option is not going to work.
Care Facility
The nursing home option is a last resort. If I become totally grounded in place, unable to get out of bed at all, then yes, the nursing home might be the way to go.
Also worth considering is that I was so angry and frustrated in the final months before leaving the nursing home (due to the restrictions and lack of sleep). If this is going to end for me, I do not want my final demise to take place there (if I can help it).
Sharing Space
I do not believe I am well enough for assisted living. Mainly, I would not be receiving much help from the limited number of staff (if it came down to that). And I also do not feel like contending with the stress and strain of having a stranger as a roommate (no privacy / consistent sleep), unless I absolutely have to be in that situation.
Baked Alive
It's more than likely I wouldn't be able to survive the summer in the garage environment, unless my tolerance for heat has improved exponentially.
Either way, I'm going to try to tough it out as long as I can in the garage environs, hoping I solve the pain and dieting issues on my own. As you know, based upon your own personal experiences, there's nobody and no entity out there willing to, or in any way, able to help. That's the unfortunate reality of our “illness” existence. If doctors can't solve the equation by running a battery of tests, blame is laid upon the patient. That's right, it's our fault - in effect, psychosomatic.
Upstairs
So if things continue as they are, I'll move upstairs into the condo interior and hope for the best. I guess really, I don't need the freedom to explore, or go outside. Me wanting to do those things is selfish. I've had my year of freedom - my year of roaming around the village, exploring, experiencing real life events. I should simply be grateful after having endured seven years being stuck on a mattress. It's a miracle that I somehow recovered to the extent that I did at the time.
On the Market
My wife and I had a discussion last week, and she agreed to have someone come out to evaluate the property, one of those real estate agencies that makes cash offers.
And if there's an offer made, something reasonable, something within $20,000 of the actual property value, then possibly some progress will be made towards having a more (semi)permanent solution in the coming months.
Additionally, we've discussed potential neighborhoods that would fall into a purchasing price range, and then also, be strategically located.
Money Maker/ Income
One downside right now is that she lost her job three weeks ago. I could provide details regarding this unfortunate event, but I shall spare you the details.
For what it's worth, I am already giving her $500 a month per rent, plus, I've given her $200 each month for utilities. Then also, she's earning additional money as a designated caregiver (for me), compensated monetarily two hours per day. So all is not lost.
Doctoring and Appointments
And then also, if necessary, it's possible that my seeing a doctor or a specialist could still be on the agenda with me living upstairs.
Generally speaking, transport used to charge me between $150 and $300 per trip (hospital/testing/other medical events), depending on the circumstances and exacting details of my itinerary. But now, I'd simply need someone to wheel me down the (difficult to navigate) stairs, in a manual wheelchair. At that point, I could hop in my power wheelchair and take it from there… assuming I'm still strong enough to do so.
So I need to figure out if there's any service that would help me get down the stairs. The wife is strong, works out, lifts weights several days per week, but there'd have to be an additional available person assisting me down the stairs.
Perhaps I could hire someone off of Craigslist - pay them $100 out of pocket (for their efforts).
Strength in Pain
Regarding the pain issues, I found an old prescription of codeine from 2017. So I think that'll somewhat tide me over for a while. Additionally, codeine slows down intestinal peristalsis, so perhaps that's why my diarrhea has diminished over the past two days. So that, in combination with the marijuana, should help.
Also, I've been doing my fair share of abdominal crunches. The idea? Strengthen my core in order to help relieve the internal pressure. So possibly, that is working, too. I've been doing these exercises for the past three weeks now, and the duration of the pain has been much shorter, for the most part. Instead of an hour or two consecutively, I can sometimes relieve the excruciating pain within 10 minutes by undulating properly. Or improperly. Hell, I don't know. The concept makes sense to me.
As an added bonus, smoking an occasional cigarette helps my mental state. It gives me something to look forward to, something that will calm me for a period of time, similar to meditating.
Oh, the other thing I may need to figure out is how to locate a trustworthy local drug dealer. My former band of homeless friends (over on 40th street) could help me in that effort, but I'd have to transport myself over to their neck of the woods. Neck of the desert? Hmmm….
So the idea is to get some Tylenol 3 (the one that has codeine in it) and simply utilize that drug, since codeine doesn't have many side effects or initiate any long-term damage. Based upon what I've read, it's the safest and simplest pain med out there - which is why I started taking it in the first place.
Intake
Lastly, I've been able to ingest approximately 1200 calories each of the past seven days. And that's a victory of sorts.
Joy of Joys
I got outside and into the sunshine for at least 30 minutes for three consecutive days, so that's an accomplishment of sorts. Beyond that, I'm mostly watching episodes of Judge Judy, and Rawhide. Sometimes I'll revisit various incarnations of Star Trek.
Rawhide is actually kind of cool. I never watched it before. One of the stars is Clint Eastwood. He's famous because he made a lot of cowboy movies where he didn't talk much, but he knew how to take care of himself with his Colt 45 or 44 Magnum or some distinguished variety of hand cannon. But the best part of the Rawhide episodes is the black and white cinematography - the high desert scenery, mountains and mesas and valleys and desert shrub and Joshua trees. And the plot is simple: manly men herding cattle, and driving them to market, all across the Great Western Lands. Entertaining stuff. Plus, I'm finding enjoyment learning the lingo.
That'll do it for now. I saw the doctor two days ago, and she's going to try to score me an abdominal MRI. Perhaps something good will come out of that. A diagnosis. Clues. Hope. You know, the usual suspects.
Take care,
Howard
Garage Life
A picture of the picture I took during my last solo road trip excursion, Thanksgiving 2012 - Mojave Desert
