The Decline and Fall / Silencio / Broiled and Baked

My application for disability was rejected. Again. And already. Heck it's only been three weeks. Talk about fast rejection. I don't even know how to react at this point. Supposedly, they're going to send me some sort of documentation within the next two weeks that shall explain in grave detail the reason for my being rejected yet again.

So yeah, that saying about doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results applies here. I must be a f****** idiot. Or something.

So, once I receive the documentation that explains the reasoning for my rejection, I'm going to wheel myself over to the Social Security office on Tatum Boulevard. It's only a couple of miles away. Perhaps three.

On the bright side, if a car, truck, airplane or any other transportation vehicle crashes into me on the way there, and kills me, I will be relieved of this forever life stressor. Or perhaps I will get damaged and disabled enough that they can't help but grant me disability pay.

My other option is getting a part-time job dealing methamphetamines. Or I can just choose to die outright. I don't sleep. I don't eat. No one would blame me for giving up. I'm just getting weaker and weaker of late. Stuck in bed more often. Why exactly do I keep making this effort - always, and every single day? There must be something very wrong with me.

Dispatched (Tuesday)

In happier news, my roommate is now and finally in the hospital. He looks like he's about to die. He's had the same illness I contracted over a week ago, and he's very unwell. But he finally decided to go to the hospital, despite fighting against this prescribed option for the past 48 hours.

Of course, he blames me for the illness. For his current condition. But really, how could I have prevented him from getting ill?

It's also my fault that his wife-to-be is just as ill, and likely headed to the hospital today.

I feel guilty enough for other things, so I have no room for additional guilt. The End.

The Void

What this means for me is that I'll finally be able to sleep. Uninterrupted. No loud snoring, no CPAP machine buzzing, no oxygen machine wheezing artificially, no inflatable mattress generator pumping every 10 minutes, no phone alarms or notification alarms sounding at all hours (at full volume), neither he nor his wife-to-be violently crashing into my parked power chair, nor the constant tension regarding the thermostat settings.

And really, it's not all that bad with him. He's the best room I've had since I've been here.

I did take advantage though today. After napping outside in the parking lot (on and off for two hours) I came inside to my empty room and did much the same. The highlight of my day (or night) was Betsy coming in and chatting with me for a solid 15 minutes before she left for the evening. Admittedly, I've been kind of depressed today. So having an extended conversation with her helped. And I'm quite sure she sensed my disposition.

Oh, I also had the Musician Nurse Dude working my floor today (a registry guy). He comes around about once a month or so. And he's the first and only person whose favorite band is also my favorite band, Mr. Bungle. Beyond that, he's got a diverse array of musical interests which allows for lively discussion. I miss having a male friend around. My best friend. But girls are okay, too.

Awake and Bake - a continuation

At bedtime (please note, I've been in bed for the past 41 hours now, but you know what I mean here - the time right before I am getting ready to sleep for the night) the temperature in my room was a comfortable 68°. I was dressed in a sheet and a lightweight blanket, otherwise, naked as always.

Three hours later I awoke drenched in sweat, noting the room temperature had somehow risen to 80° Fahrenheit. The biggest question, beyond the obvious, is why the f*** is it so damn warm in my room at three in the morning? I am the ONLY human being occupying a room on this particular thermostat controller.

So I pushed my "help" button and got the CNA to turn the heat off. I hope.

The problem being, it's still really hot in here and I'm still sweating. So now I have to open the window (it's 42° outside). Or I can leave my door open and invite each of the extraneous noises into my room unabated.

Better Than Ever (Thursday)

You'll be glad to know, or perhaps you won't be, that I seem to have recovered from my downward spiral ordeal (in regards to my physical deterioration). And all it took was one day of staying in bed and sleeping (perhaps 12 to 14 hours, cumulatively) and then a second day in bed to recover from all that sleep!

And she was doing a lot better about things at this moment. I thought that maybe I had unceremoniously slipped back into M.E./C.F.S. abyss.

4:04 Same Thing, Different Day (Friday)

It's got to be automated. I can think of no other reason why the thermostat is once again cranked up to 80° for my room.

Also, Dora's television is blasting out in Jesus verses full bore.

In response, I'm cranking out a band called Bloodbath - an album called The Fathomless Mastery. Why? Because I am fathoming less and less these days.

Eh. I should be just fine. I got over four hours of solid sleep in. That should be enough to get through the rest of today. Perhaps I'll even thrive!

Take care,
Howard






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Comments

I remember when I got my first rejection letter from disability. I was mostly bedbound at the time. In the letter it was determined that I could go back to my job as a Nurse. What?:confused:. What a f***ing joke. I think I had 2 or 3 rejection letters before my case finally went before a judge and my disability was approved.

Howard, I'm afraid you have to play their game and go through all the tons of red tape before you finally get your disability. Frankly, I'm godsmacked by it all.:cautious:

I can't remember, but do you have a disability rep that's working with you?

Always enjoy hearing from you.................the good the bad and the ugly
 
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Hi @Howard.....Really sorry about your disability rejection. Is anyone helping you with the forms? Also, let's be realistic here, I sure hope they won't toss you out once you do get disability. It's a very tightrope and I wish you had someone to talk to, someone to help you make sense of it all.

I think a visit in person would be helpful...and for heaven's sake, look both ways and cross at a crosswalk. You don't want more pain on top of what you have. Anyway, an in-person visit can show that yes, you're in a wheelchair, look weak and the person there can help you with the correct forms. Also, make an appointment, that may help. Take your records along with the form.
Nursing homes are always downright hot, it seems. Lots of old people really like the warmth....personal thermostats don't work any longer. So perhaps it just automatically comes on at 4:00 a.m. I'm sure breakfast begins at 6:00 a.m., doesn't it?

I hope your roomie will get some intensive care in the hospital. Yes, I do remember that you had COVID last year....and lost a couple of roommates along the way. Also had one who fell and that was sad as he didn't survive. No, I wouldn't want to be your roommate......you don't have a good track record, but I'm sure it's not intentional. After all, you didn't push the first man and tried to help him.

So, I guess you don't want Santa to bring cold weather clothes for you. Better sheets may be good though. I'm glad that you're near a window at least.

Betsy's a dear, and I'm glad she's also your friend. I'm glad she returned to her shift after her illness. Good that she's back. Yours, Lenora
 
I remember when I got my first rejection letter from disability.
It sounds like what most everybody experiences- the endless rejections exist in the system to...ensure...the system is...LAME

Limp limp

Eventually the profound disappointment is digested, converted into some more angst or a riff several measures long.

As an official Wizard, @Howard it's your job to crawl out of the pit, when the timing is right.

Which you have done many times, and will do yet again.
 
In the UK there is a website called ' work and benefits run by .an ex disabilty assessor for PIP ( disabilty allowance and a lawyer .
It's an incredibly helpful website giving so much ' inside scoop on the system ...
Basically the pip assessment doesn't follow correct procedure and so often needs to go to dispute and review before people's cases are started to be assessed properly and following proceedure. ..
As I'm leaning many gov so called support systems are hugely off the mark when it comes to ethics and correct policy .
@Tammy I was a nurse too ...
Nearly killed me -- literally
 
I can't remember, but do you have a disability rep that's working with you?
The first time I had my ex-wife complete the forms and paperwork. I didn't have much available medical history because I was too ill and didn't have any money and couldn't afford to see any doctors.

The second time I had a legal representative. But I still didn't have any supporting evidence.

The third time I applied was with a representative referred by the nursing home. I'm not sure why that entire venture failed, but Social Security said it had something to do with medical records, or the lack of medical records.

This time I did everything myself, except I had a social worker here at the nursing home manually type for me, and also lend me an additional set of eyeballs.

I was super duper thorough in all regards. But as others have mentioned, I may need to hire an attorney of some kind. One who would be willing to represent me. For now, I'm not going to worry about it until I see why my application was denied this time. I should know by thanksgiving.

Yay.
 
Anyway, an in-person visit can show that yes, you're in a wheelchair, look weak and the person there can help you with the correct forms. Also, make an appointment, that may help.
Yes, an in-person visit is the plan. However, I look obscenely healthy these days. People compliment me on my physical disposition each and every day. They wonder why I'm even in the nursing home in the first place. So perhaps that doesn't bode well for my in-person visit. But what the heck, right?

Perhaps by then my roommate will be back in my room keeping me awake all night long, and I will look like hell again. Insomnia really kicks me in the crotch. Or in the butt. Somewhere. Lots of kicking.

He's in quarantine right now, with a highly infectious virus of some kind. But of course, he snuck out of his temporary room, and came into my permanent room not wearing a mask and coughing all over the place. So perhaps I should be expecting a new and exciting illness. He did it on purpose, of course. He's quite subversive that way. But his actions are also quite transparent, at least to me. But what the heck, right?

:)
 
As an official Wizard, @Howard it's your job to crawl out of the pit, when the timing is right.
I've slept several days consecutively. And today, my physical energy was off the charts. I felt as though I could get up and walk around the neighborhood. I'll share more about that later. But wow, it just takes several consecutive nights of sound sleeping to revitalize me. Bring me back up to speed.
 
He did it on purpose, of course. He's quite subversive that way.
how irritating.

However, I look obscenely healthy these days. People compliment me on my physical disposition each and every day.
Ok: perhaps some enhanced drama is in order. So that healthy tan glow is now going to bite you.

Sounds like you need to confer with some onsite females. (Makeup department) Does anybody have a bruise kit? You could just make sure your sort of baggy eyed looking. Perhaps some darker purples, some blue, a bit of pink.

How is your weight these days?
 
But as others have mentioned, I may need to hire an attorney of some kind
retain: you should be able to find someone ..to help, our friend finally got it once he had an attorney

(system set up to favor having to find attorneys and then give them part of the money which should not be happening at ALL)
 
(system set up to favor having to find attorneys and then give them part of the money which should not be happening at ALL)
I got contacted by lawyers. "We found money of your dead mother's, missing money".

Yet it was impossible for me, as a citizen AND employee of another state agency, to go to this same state agency and locate my mothers missing money.

Somehow only these attorney's can find it (then, they ask for a 10% cut).

Which of course I gratefully gave them....
 
How is your weight these days?
Maybe 140, maybe 1:45
Ummm... You know what I mean.
They're having difficulties weighing me. I was 153 before I stopped eating.

Anyway, it's nice not having a roommate these past several days as I can talk into my phone anytime I want to. Voice to text is a wonderful thing! Privacy is another wonderful thing. That's two wonderful things right there. That should keep me satisfied throughout the rest of the day!
 

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