She Returns / Room with a Viewpoint / Hanging Tight / The P.E.M. Massacre

CNA City

At long last, I got my favorite CNA back, as she was reassigned to our room today. Most importantly, I got a real shower.. including gentle physical pressure applied to my muscles without my being hamstrung by P.E.M. consequences. So perhaps I'm improving ever so slightly.

Additionally, she and I had 15 separate interactions today, from pre-dawn until nearly midnight. So besides being clean and feeling good, I was able to actively engage far more than usual. And she seemed reasonably entertained throughout (as was I), despite the incessant proximity.

Really, I like how she pays attention to me by simply offering life-affirming validation. Treating me as though I'm human. Because in most ways, I am (and probably, you are, too!)

Formal Room Change Request

I'm not sure how this works, but every time I'm about to shove off, my roommate senses it somehow. Tonight, he said, "Hey, if the TV ever bothers you, I don't have to watch it."

That DID NOT happen, did it?

Well, yes it did.

Anyway, my dedicated CNA advised me that my neighboring room has an available bed. With a window! And that neighbor is apparently, REALLY quiet (going into this, I somehow thought all old people were rather quiet and reserved, but now I know differently).

So, I sent the request to the Assistant Director of Nursing, who'll forward it to Social Services, I expect. Yes, I've left multiple messages with the social services director in recent weeks, but nothing ever comes of it. I've also been requesting a dentist for the better part of a week, and have been trying to get a response out of my non-existent case manager since I arrived here. Otherwise, things are on the up and up. There's motion in the ocean.

Two Days Ago

Sunday was a severe P.E.M. day from end to end. Plain awful. As I never did quite recover from the early morning Commode Olympic Event until 10p.m. At one point, dizziness, profuse sweating, and an insane internal hunger for food took over my bodily senses. I later determined that low blood sugar was the culprit… an experience that's not occurred since I began tube feeding in 2019.

So, how exactly does someone who relies on the exact same amount of nutrition, day in and day out, experience a sudden profound drop in blood sugar?

My theory?

Perhaps my stomach at long last contracted, processed, and emptied, or my duodenum did something random and wonderful… and maybe this subliminal signaling is meant to be interpreted as my need to resume eating real food again!

So I took this event as a sign from above, and beyond, and from bed, and … Hmmm. Nevermind on that. Anyway, I signed up for Amazon Prime (in doing so, borrowed $6 from my mother for the monthly fee), and ordered two different snacks that were covered under the EBT/SNAP designation… which means, the snacks that are free to me.

Hopefully I am able to tolerate either one of these: Kay's Naturals Protein Cookie Bites (Cinnamon Almond, Gluten-Free, Low Fat, Diabetes Friendly, All Natural Flavorings) and/or gimMe Organic Roasted Seaweed Sheets (Sea Salt - Keto, Vegan, Gluten Free - Great Source of Iodine and Omega 3’s) -

Perhaps eating a little bit of food here and there will help with any number of things.

Receiving is Believing

I've received additional additions for my wall to hang. Since I am uncertain as to where I'll be, I am holding off on The Hanging. But I did receive a super cool card, a fabulous picture, and an artsy children's book. I'll take some pics later.. in better light. So yes, The Wall is coming together (in my mind).

Friends in Need

I've had some meaningful heartfelt conversations of late with several different people, friends who've been experiencing a variety of noted difficulties. And these exchanges have been (I believe) beneficial to all parties.

Yes, I often get a lot of value by going deeper. That's where I live and feel these days. But also, each of these people are open to having fun. We play (in manners of speaking). And I feel that this "play" is vital, in regards to my (our) well being.

And taking this one step further, life's vitality is wholly dependent upon the element of surprise. "Not knowing" keeps us real. And not knowing what's going to happen next makes living life worthwhile. It's the only thing that keeps us truly connected, alert, and alive. Everything in our lives ever worth remembering happened unexpectedly, or in a manner not wholly devised or predicted. So, if you know what's going to happen next, you may be doing it wrong.

Slum Bird

I caught four whole hours of sleep, before the graveyard shift CNA did her emptying the trash thing at 4:45am. What happened is that she stumbled and nearly fell onto my bed and on top of me. Yes, I came to be conscious with the bed shaking violently and muffled curse word sounds emanating from behind the mask.

And soon thereafter, a designated phlebotomist came in, hoping to install an all-new IV for my roommate. In the midst of her searching for a vein to poke, the heat turned on aggressively, eventually pushing us out to an even 80°.

Note: they've adjusted the thermostat downwards, so.. no more 85° nights!

Now I await my vitals check. And then after that, who knows… outdoors sooner than later, basking in the glory of daylight's gleaming radiation beams.

Take care,

SORRY - images not attaching again, so you have to look at my stupid dumb face LOL


Ha! It worked.


Hello @Howard.....I'm glad you explained the picture, as I thought perhaps it was a cockeyed X-ray of your head & face. So it's a cloud....good, as I thought you neck look awfully skinny.

So you may be on the move? That probably means Jeff will have no one to celebrate with....but please, whatever you do, don't let that stop you.

OK...we're back to business here. WHAT do you want for Xmas? There has to be something (although my husband has said "nothing for 55 yrs. now). He does eat anything though, so that's always a good out. Do you/can you wear tee-shirts? Or do all shirts have to be buttoned up the front...come on, Howard, help us out here. I was referring to a sleep mask and it was probably misinterpreted as a face mask. I assume the home has plenty of them.

So who are these friends of yours? People you meet on the grounds, people who visit after their smoking break, or do they hang around outside a lot also?

Have people complained about the food there? Maybe there's something on the menu that could help with your problems. How about having your favorite nurse give you a teensy bit of chocolate and see what that does. It should just melt in your mouth.

Have you received any posters yet? (That you can hang?)

Hubby returns home tomorrow evening with lots of pics and stories. Our wonderful grandchildren are growing into fine adults. Interesting ages (from about 13 on to 21). Some are more old fashioned in their thinking, while others are very daring and think nothing of setting up their own businesses even at this age. What makes the difference, I wonder? All of them watch a lot of sci-fi....comparable to our James Bond, I guess.

There may be no cure for this illness, but I'll bet most of our grandchildren will make it to Mars. Want to bet? Yours, Lenora.
I'd be so happy for you, Howard, if you could start eating a little food in the standard way. It's kinda funny you'd choose seaweed to try it out on. I eat dulse leaves (seaweed). I really like dulse, but that's all I've tried, other than kelp when I was a kid.

Hoping you move to a new room with a quiet and considerate roomie, and you'll never have to hear fake barnyard animals again. You've been such a good sport about it. I would have imploded long ago. You've brought me to the realization that I have nothing to complain about. it's quiet here most of the time, but when my neighbors get home from work they slam cupboard doors and drawers, and I complain in my head, although I can easily cover up their noise with my implements of sanity (earplugs and headphones playing white noise). It's absolutely NOTHING compared to what you're experiencing, so I have nothing to complain about, ever, now knowing what you're going through. So thanks for the influence.
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WHAT do you want for Xmas?
Well, you did mention one thing that could help. A sleep mask. I've been using a bandana, but it's somewhat ineffective against a series of 100 watt light bulbs.

IF you want to get something SUPER cheap, I shall allow it. LOL

If you have a sleep mask that you do not use, that's fine as well. Color doesn't matter. I'm all about functionality. And apparently, having a pretty wall. :)


I've now cranked up my fan (next to my head) to full speed, so maybe that'll help my sleeping by raising the overall noise floor.

Note: Day 1 - FIVE HOURS SLEPT!!!

Could be an anomaly, but…

Note II: Thanks to @Judee for conceptualizing the idea - it sounds as though I'm snoozing inside of a twin turboprop airplane, but this just might work :)


Besides the guy from inside the facility (who now happens to be hospitalized due to complications - infection/fever etc.)... Um, he's the younger one from three blog postings ago. Otherwise, it's really just the usual suspects.

A return engagement from my long-time guy friend (33 years). A long time bed bound friend. Another, not so far away. Colleen (in here). My Dedicated Advocate. Federico (wheelchair proponent/future ukulele player).

So yeah, a wide array of others with whom I may interact.

I'm sure your husband will provide enjoyable stories in regards to the grandchildren and his journeys. I'm sure he'll enjoy sharing with you, as well. :)


That response cracked me up. Seriously. That was awesome. The things we see, that others never shall …


Re: seaweed snack purchase

Well, the seaweed was by default. There were only two items on Amazon Prime that matched my dietary needs. And it doesn't matter whether I like it or not, just whether or not it does something. Anything. To encourage peristalsis. Or better and best energy levels. I'll let you know what I think, after I have a nibble.

In regards to complaining, I think we all do that from time to time. And I too, think about those who are less fortunate than I am. They are out there. And perhaps reading this right now. Sometimes, having nothing is having everything. And I'm not saying that's me, not by any stretch. But the less we have, the fewer overall concerns.


I've received three things of late. But here are pictures of two things. And I very much like them both.

The helicopter card is fun. I want to play with it. Or do something with it. Even having it just sit there is kind of nice.


And the old Fender guitar diagram is super cool. We actually have a Fender factory very nearby.


Thank you!!!

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