I should warn you that what follows in not in any way a searching discussion...of well, anything really, just random thoughts from a broad, getting progressively more broad...and remembering long ago when she was able to travel abroad. OK, ok...you can come out now, I'm done with the wordplay....
So many things rattling in my little tired brain- will I have enough energy on Christmas day? Do I want to wear my chandelier earrings and draw attention to myself ?( won't the deathly palor and the walking cane be enough?), Will the noise from the carol concert put me into relapse? How can I decorate the bed to look 'Christmassy' without knackering myself out in the process?
How many years must I have this *&%$ing illness ?!?
The most pressing of these questions is how to pimp up my 'clean eating' diet to feel special and Christmassy enough to celebrate the coming of the Messiah. Ok, so maybe it's not that important and maybe Baby Jesus won't care if I can't join in with the eat-till-stuffed way that we celebrate his birth...but it is one more way that I am different...and whilst part of me likes to stand out, to be special, original., different.. an equal part does not want to be seen as I am now-handicapped, disabled, horizontal rather than vertical, No thanks I can't eat mince pies/Christmas cake/that, and I'm just going for a lie down, please can I have a glass of water?.
The first three of that list seem to me to be sexy and daring, the last three are languishing in the shade of my own prejudice, honed by years of playing for the 'well' team and soaking up societal prejudice against those who are not valued in our capitalist society.
So from Socialism to chocolate....
As a child growing up in the 70's every Christmas the toe of my stocking would be stuffed with a small square box, housing a sphere about the size of a tennis ball. The ball was wrapped in orange paper to resemble an orange. The catchphrase was 'Tap and Unwrap', and it was wonderfully satisfying to tap the bottom, crack open the foil and watch each perfect, orange -scented segment separate from its neighbour. Each piece dovetailing together.to form a milk-chocolate globe.
I don't know if these festive essentials are still being produced...but anyway, this year I won't be eating one. Like many of you I am on a clean eating plan not in order to get better/fitter/lose weight but merely to maintain the little health I have without waking the intolerance dragon. No alcohol, dairy, citrus, spicy food, sugar, processed foods, pastries- brown everything and avoidance of white carbs. NO CHOCOLATE!!
Clean eating-it's clever, but it's definately not funny.
The chocolate orange was probably not particularly delicious by today's 90% pure cacao standards, but it was SO satisfying to unwrap and extract one perfect segment!. If only all things fitted together like that orange.- like chronic illness for example. I frequently feel as if I doing some elaborate 3D puzzle involving numerous oddly shaped pieces that refuse to fit together harmoniously: diet, pacing, vitamins, medications, meditations, activity, PEM,crash -rinse and repeat.
To many of my questions there are no answers. I may be spending Christmas lunch with others, or I may be balancing a small plate on my duvet. . As for the longevity of this %*&£ing illness...how long is a piece of tinsel?
I wish for you all as I wish for myself, a Blessed December, celebrated with gratitude, in whatever way you can...and may 2016 be overflowing with better health!!!
I just don't know about the earrings...
So many things rattling in my little tired brain- will I have enough energy on Christmas day? Do I want to wear my chandelier earrings and draw attention to myself ?( won't the deathly palor and the walking cane be enough?), Will the noise from the carol concert put me into relapse? How can I decorate the bed to look 'Christmassy' without knackering myself out in the process?
How many years must I have this *&%$ing illness ?!?
The most pressing of these questions is how to pimp up my 'clean eating' diet to feel special and Christmassy enough to celebrate the coming of the Messiah. Ok, so maybe it's not that important and maybe Baby Jesus won't care if I can't join in with the eat-till-stuffed way that we celebrate his birth...but it is one more way that I am different...and whilst part of me likes to stand out, to be special, original., different.. an equal part does not want to be seen as I am now-handicapped, disabled, horizontal rather than vertical, No thanks I can't eat mince pies/Christmas cake/that, and I'm just going for a lie down, please can I have a glass of water?.
The first three of that list seem to me to be sexy and daring, the last three are languishing in the shade of my own prejudice, honed by years of playing for the 'well' team and soaking up societal prejudice against those who are not valued in our capitalist society.
So from Socialism to chocolate....
As a child growing up in the 70's every Christmas the toe of my stocking would be stuffed with a small square box, housing a sphere about the size of a tennis ball. The ball was wrapped in orange paper to resemble an orange. The catchphrase was 'Tap and Unwrap', and it was wonderfully satisfying to tap the bottom, crack open the foil and watch each perfect, orange -scented segment separate from its neighbour. Each piece dovetailing together.to form a milk-chocolate globe.
I don't know if these festive essentials are still being produced...but anyway, this year I won't be eating one. Like many of you I am on a clean eating plan not in order to get better/fitter/lose weight but merely to maintain the little health I have without waking the intolerance dragon. No alcohol, dairy, citrus, spicy food, sugar, processed foods, pastries- brown everything and avoidance of white carbs. NO CHOCOLATE!!
Clean eating-it's clever, but it's definately not funny.
The chocolate orange was probably not particularly delicious by today's 90% pure cacao standards, but it was SO satisfying to unwrap and extract one perfect segment!. If only all things fitted together like that orange.- like chronic illness for example. I frequently feel as if I doing some elaborate 3D puzzle involving numerous oddly shaped pieces that refuse to fit together harmoniously: diet, pacing, vitamins, medications, meditations, activity, PEM,crash -rinse and repeat.
To many of my questions there are no answers. I may be spending Christmas lunch with others, or I may be balancing a small plate on my duvet. . As for the longevity of this %*&£ing illness...how long is a piece of tinsel?
I wish for you all as I wish for myself, a Blessed December, celebrated with gratitude, in whatever way you can...and may 2016 be overflowing with better health!!!
I just don't know about the earrings...