Today was an extremely rough day, I worked all last night and had to be up early for today's shift at my newer job after 4 days in a row of doing it there. By the end of the morning my brain was simply out of mitochondrial fuel or something. I could barely even communicate with people properly and processing the environment was like trying decipher the secrets of the universe. Physically my body was starting to hit that lead like feeling but I was able to push through and get what I had to done out of my superpower of physically overrunning my brain PEM at all costs even if I feel like I'm piloting a broken Sims character that won't stop glitching and being unresponsive to commands at random. At this point with how mentally fried and slow I was getting as well as managing stress like I had never encountered a tense situation in my life that my coworkers were getting a little frustrated with me. But I can't make things not awkward and up my self image at all because my brain itself isn't allowing that to happen. The only things going through my head were home, rest, a mountains of carbs (that won't do anything much in this state, it just comes with the PEM package), and pay day. Then here comes the when it inevitably comes to the topic of food that the idea from them that I just need to eat more when if I ate much more at a time like this the results would be a disaster. Food usually takes away energy from me and I need to eat larger amounts in isolated intervals (which I know is utterly ironic) or my body simply will not function anymore. I always called myself a food camel since I couldn't get energy from anything besides burst eating large amounts and no one was able to understand the bizarre mechanics of my alien biology and here I am just over 30 only more fully learning what was going on. It's a delicate process I had to adopt as far back as when I was in high school when things were not nearly as bad and I didn't know what I was dealing with besides that for some reason everyone else but me had energy and cognitive output that I had no access to no matter what as if my body isn't producing something needed to be a fully cognitively functioning human.
I can trace all of my social difficulties and issues integrating into environments I was in to this snowballing problem. The most hilarious thing about this is how I'm physically able to power through even if the cognitive PEM causes the lead, slow body thing. How can someone be so severely cognitively crippled yet can move like a race horse? It certainly creates some very awkward misunderstandings about how capable, healthy, and neurotypical I am. Even over this I'm able to socially mask pretty well and just appear 8000 times more stupid when it's occurring as I fail to even find and form words correctly or access enough of my brain to not interact like a robot. I am so over this $@%#% condition because in the once in a blue moon moments everything works better at least or in very tiny windows in between the severe instability of my reactions to vitamin D I'm actually quite normal and well adjusted.
Essentially my story is like that person in the weird vitamin D topic I linked on my topic on it and like them the only thing that actually corrects this problem whatever it is, is some kind of metabolite of D. I recently learned in my methyl-B12 experiment with increasing the dose that it's possible to further physically override the physical motor dysfunction from the cognitive dysfunction and small part of the cognitive dysfunction related to simply processing things quicker but nothing more though it doesn't correct the problem like I experienced too isolated times with D3 which is why I have so much hope for califediol right now. There was also one time I ate a large amount of baby asparagus and got something somewhat closer to normal functioning to the point where I was having spontaneous social interactions with people in a great mood and fluid physical movements but not quite like the best D3 windows. I tried to repeat this result again and it didn't happen again either with the large amount of baby asparagus. Thankfully I reached the weekend and can now just sit down and do nothing to recharge, tomorrow I'm going out to some all you can order sushi and japanese place with a family member where I'll also get to eat 8 tons of D loaded fish so I'll probably be slightly better for the return of the work week and hopefully it carries me well enough to when the supplement comes in as I did more digging on it and still no one seems to have had much but great experiences with it. The metyl-b12 is also lower in my syatem right now at 2000 mcg again because though I was able to get more physical on the higher amount the side effects of doing so were too much and it didn't feel natural.
I can trace all of my social difficulties and issues integrating into environments I was in to this snowballing problem. The most hilarious thing about this is how I'm physically able to power through even if the cognitive PEM causes the lead, slow body thing. How can someone be so severely cognitively crippled yet can move like a race horse? It certainly creates some very awkward misunderstandings about how capable, healthy, and neurotypical I am. Even over this I'm able to socially mask pretty well and just appear 8000 times more stupid when it's occurring as I fail to even find and form words correctly or access enough of my brain to not interact like a robot. I am so over this $@%#% condition because in the once in a blue moon moments everything works better at least or in very tiny windows in between the severe instability of my reactions to vitamin D I'm actually quite normal and well adjusted.
Essentially my story is like that person in the weird vitamin D topic I linked on my topic on it and like them the only thing that actually corrects this problem whatever it is, is some kind of metabolite of D. I recently learned in my methyl-B12 experiment with increasing the dose that it's possible to further physically override the physical motor dysfunction from the cognitive dysfunction and small part of the cognitive dysfunction related to simply processing things quicker but nothing more though it doesn't correct the problem like I experienced too isolated times with D3 which is why I have so much hope for califediol right now. There was also one time I ate a large amount of baby asparagus and got something somewhat closer to normal functioning to the point where I was having spontaneous social interactions with people in a great mood and fluid physical movements but not quite like the best D3 windows. I tried to repeat this result again and it didn't happen again either with the large amount of baby asparagus. Thankfully I reached the weekend and can now just sit down and do nothing to recharge, tomorrow I'm going out to some all you can order sushi and japanese place with a family member where I'll also get to eat 8 tons of D loaded fish so I'll probably be slightly better for the return of the work week and hopefully it carries me well enough to when the supplement comes in as I did more digging on it and still no one seems to have had much but great experiences with it. The metyl-b12 is also lower in my syatem right now at 2000 mcg again because though I was able to get more physical on the higher amount the side effects of doing so were too much and it didn't feel natural.
