This morning I woke up feeling even less energy than I had when I went to sleep which is nothing out of the ordinary with an ironic wired feeling. I had a couple pieces of tuna in some rice and veggies last night which gave me a little more cognitive energy but nothing life saving besides being a satisfying eat.This morning ears ringing, pain in my dace, nasal drip, over excited but brain fried feeling, and moving is as efficient of a car with holes in its wheels. As I type this it's slightly better but I'm gonna be resting the rest of today and tomorrow. I think I am going to throw in the towel at my other job I'm barely getting anything at because that night shift into the morning shift is what tipped the scales into this.
Something interesting I noticed is that I can enjoy music a bit right now but anytime I feel anything strong instead of actually feeling a great free dopamine boost I just get hit with more facial paralysis like pain and out of control kind of manic feeling for a second that doesn't go anywhere besides make me feel more unstable and anxiety ridden. The deeper into PEM I am the worst this one gets, increasing the methyl-b12 load overrides the paralysis a bit but leads to more blunted emotional and pleasure responses past 2000 mcg so I'll be artificially more functional but also more dysfunctional in other ways and often with mini dysphoric overwhelmed panic-y feelings now and then. Nothing like the brief D windows but crossing a system they both upregulate that only methyl-b12 otherwise I can. The new supplement hasn't shipped yet and I suspect it likely won't this weekend and next week because of work is going to be absolute torture. Tonight I'm going out with some family to eat but that's always low stress with minimal movement and I get to hibernate after and all day the next day. Besides keeping it in line I'm not too focused on diet right now besides getting sick of seasoning everything with tons of garlic and trying to find my line in the sand with delicious soy sauce for rice and veggies. As long as I'm avoiding major triggers and doing my usual food consumption pacing it's all good food wise because my issue is clearly with something my body is not making. I mean my guts can't seem to absorb much either and I have major issues in there but those all improve too once whatever the thing is, is in me doing its job. So looking forward to later but its gonna be a tough near future.
Something interesting I noticed is that I can enjoy music a bit right now but anytime I feel anything strong instead of actually feeling a great free dopamine boost I just get hit with more facial paralysis like pain and out of control kind of manic feeling for a second that doesn't go anywhere besides make me feel more unstable and anxiety ridden. The deeper into PEM I am the worst this one gets, increasing the methyl-b12 load overrides the paralysis a bit but leads to more blunted emotional and pleasure responses past 2000 mcg so I'll be artificially more functional but also more dysfunctional in other ways and often with mini dysphoric overwhelmed panic-y feelings now and then. Nothing like the brief D windows but crossing a system they both upregulate that only methyl-b12 otherwise I can. The new supplement hasn't shipped yet and I suspect it likely won't this weekend and next week because of work is going to be absolute torture. Tonight I'm going out with some family to eat but that's always low stress with minimal movement and I get to hibernate after and all day the next day. Besides keeping it in line I'm not too focused on diet right now besides getting sick of seasoning everything with tons of garlic and trying to find my line in the sand with delicious soy sauce for rice and veggies. As long as I'm avoiding major triggers and doing my usual food consumption pacing it's all good food wise because my issue is clearly with something my body is not making. I mean my guts can't seem to absorb much either and I have major issues in there but those all improve too once whatever the thing is, is in me doing its job. So looking forward to later but its gonna be a tough near future.
