Tired of the Yattering

The Yattering is when someone who doesn't have our illness or is just plain not sick at all tells you how to live your life. I am so sick of relatives and family friends always trying to tell me how I should live my life and what I should be doing, and why don't I make these phone calls and get stuff done, and why don't I do this or that. It's so easy for people who do not have this to tell us what to do. Let them try living with this severe pain all over and the fatigue and the millions of other symptoms and see what it's like. I'm just so sick of people thinking they know everything when they don't.

I'm in so much pain today. I can't do much of anything. When I do get anything done, it's a miracle. People have no right to tell us how to live our lives and what to do unless they try being us for awhile and see what it's really like.


Walk a mile in our shoes, because we can't! It's an old saying, but it's true. There seems to be 2 kinds of people, people who are healthy and cheerful and full of advice, and then there's us. They think they're being helpful, but they just make things worse! Most of the time we just want to be left alone! Hang in there girl, we all feel your pain.
It's really difficult to get some people to understand. Luckily I saw some friends the other day who really made the effort to be respectful of my illness. Partway through the visit they even asked "Are you sick now, sitting here and visiting?", with real concern, and when I started getting ready to go they didn't trying to make me stay and talk more. So they were understanding of my illness and by proxy yours. I hope you can find more people in your every day life, somehow, that are understanding.
Thanks for posting this Carrigon. I'm so upset right now, because I need some assistance from my parents and they tend to pick and choose how to help. The yattering I got today was that I "need to get a grip on my life".... which is such an $%^@ing joke. I'm so angry right now. Oh, btw, the help I wanted from them was to do a couple of loads of laundry at their house.

I don't use the laundry machines in the building I just moved into because of MCS issues. (Dryer sheets create a lot of pain for me).

I mostly need to use their dryer, because of where I live now, I have to take preventative steps for bed bug control.

Which is exasperating!

I do not have the stamina to deal with this - any of this. PERIOD.
Nico, I can relate to the MCS laundry issues....mine were so bad that even the residue from other people's scented products in the wash were causing me to get really sick, stop breathing, etc. Even though I seriously cannot afford it I wound up buying a portable washing machine. I figured that after using it for about 5 months it would have paid for itself becasue I was having to wash my clothes several times to get the aforementioned residue out (& thus spending a ton of money and energy and sometimes still having problems).

Though there are still some small issues (not MCS related) from the portable machine & it took a bit of troubleshooting at the start, I am sooooooo happy to have it. It makes a huge difference.
I'm fortunate to not have extreme reactions to laundry toxins, but still can't stand them, the smell is very irritating and allergic provoking. Even though we don't use them, even the air in our neighborhood is almost always pervaded with the odor of so-called fabric softener. Ugh! And don't get me started on scented candles stinking up stores (Bed Bath & Beyond is a toxic bomb site as far as I'm concerned).

As for "yattering": Even my concerned, helpful, devoted husband keeps on me about going to bed so late, and thinks I'd not sleep all day if I'd just go to bed earlier. Wish it were that easy. I understand his issue: he's become a lark, getting up near dawn (used to be an owl like me). And my sleep time has gotten later with illness relapse, so 4 AM is typical. So our awake times don't overlap much anymore. Guess I should try to go to bed now...
Tammie - me too re: washer. I bought a Danby which is a bit labor intensive, but at the time it is what I could afford, and it's portable. I have emf issues, so I can't be near it when it's on spin. But, yes, certainly most 'normal' people would not believe that something as 'mild' as dryer sheet residue can affect people like us.
Valenitnelynx - I know the irritation of laying awake til the wee hours. Fortunately, I've started using neurontin/gabapentin for sleep. It has helped me. 200 mg or 300 mg. Everyone is different - I've found this helps a lot.
I can't remember if I posted about this. But what really helped me sleep was the week of Thanksgiving when I was mostly just eating turkey. I think the triptophan in it or whatever else is in it that makes you sleepy, something really helped me alot for that one week. And I was in less pain. But once I was out of turkey, it all came back in spades.
Food allergies are sometimes really difficult to figure out. I'm glad the turkey helped you out... with sleep and less pain. For myself, I have to figure out which foods will sustain me the most. It's good to know what is best tolerated....
Everyday, I look around the kitchen and I'm like, what can I eat today that will not make me sick. It's very hard.
Sometimes I look at the people around me and think no wonder I have struggled so much. They just don't get it. But recently I have realized that it is ME who needs to get it. So as soon as I have a thought about 'them', I catch myself and remember I need to be kind to myself. I want others to accept me as I am, but somehow I wasn't accepting me fully. It's so difficult when you need help and get criticism or lectures. If you can spend less time with those ones it is better. Guess what I'm trying to say is I realized I can't make others behave differently but I can love, care for and protect myself (from negative people, know it alls) we need to save our precious energy for getting well not for fighting losing battles.

It is so great to have found this web site community for support and understanding. I hope your parents will start to help without the unsolicited advice. But if they don't, I hope you find another solution. ;)

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