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Support for Tanniaust

Late last night Taniaust posted the following blog on the Forums stating that she had taken pills and wanted to die and saying good bye. She left her address and Ecoclimber called the police in Australia and they went to check up on her. We don't know what happened after that.

Tanisaust has contributed significantly to the Forums and to the Wiki. She stopped posting regularly for a couple of months and posted a few times. In a blog a couple of days ago she stated her mood swings were better but that sh was having alot of difficulty and was suffering from sudden collapses. Then came her last blog. If you know her or wish to support please send her a PM of support.

Im sorry guys and i feel guilty to dump this onto you but i dont even know why im doing this.. but if i die.. i want to be put down to a CFS/ME death.. this illness has screwed me up completely. The lack of testing in Australia for XMRV hasnt got me down at all but if their was some testing, I'd probalby be on drugs for the CFS/ME.

Ive taken a BIG drug overdose trying to kill myself as I dont have a life (cant even always do my own shopping.. risk of collapses as I do collapse but doctors dont worry and dont treat my POTS). Thou my CFS/ME is no where near as bad as it used to be.. I have so many issues in my life and sure my brain my be affected too (unless its reactivating CMV i have) that I want to die..

If anyone reads this.. you probably should ring an ambulance and send it to ...... Its probably too late to pump my stomache and Ive taken 100 pills and have more Im still taking as I just want peace.. peace for all not understanding people put me throu and peace from this illness..

Luv you guys..

Ps if i end up okay I'll mail .. so light a candle for me please if I die as Im sick of 14 yrs of severe illness and doctors not doing enough.. and not allowing me to try things which may help. or POTS treatments.
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Comments

S
Tania,
I understand your misery and pain. Stay with us please and we will all fight together. This is the cruelest illness imaginable, and I can only hope that there will be a purpose for us to suffer like this. I am so happy that you are in the hospital and being treated for your pneumonia, you will feel better afterwards. I am praying that the doctors treat you with understanding and patience. May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
 
pinkytuscadaro
Wishing you the best Tania and thankful you are o.k.
Thankful to those who care. What a great group of wonderful people we have here who really do understand.
Pinky
 
T
Cort;bt3796 said:
I think that is very true. Particularly when something bad happens I think things can get really dark really fast.....I think we can adjust to an enormous amount of bad stuff but it takes time and a relapse like that can bring all the demons up really fast. Sometimes its just being able to get through that dark period. Tanya blogged that she was experiencing these collapses - it sounded like all of a sudden. I really hope she's OK.

Her last health update was a couple of days ago....but she wasn't despondent...something must have happened.

http://forums.aboutmecfs.org/entry.php?717-Health-Update
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Nods.. you are very perceptive Cort, yes something happened. I are bothered by the more collapses Im having recently and worried the CFS/ME is getting worst again but that wasnt what set me off.

The past few years.. with the CFS/ME I get SEVERE mood swings with my period. (PMS is another symptom for us girls with CFS/ME.. in my case it is far worst then PMS but rather what in some countries they call Premenstral dysphoric disorder). http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/pmdd-extreme-pms-438114.html
(I dont think that disorder is recognised at all in my country but I clearly do have it so Im often at suicide risk or risk of getting in trouble with the law, at that time of the month :( ... im currently going throu court already due to something I did due to that disorder.. or CFS/ME symptom if its part of that). I wonder how many here get extreme emotional instability with their female hormones?? but its a hellish thing when it kicks in... its like you loose yourself.. in my case, its almost like I can go crazy at times. (could it be XMRV being activated more by female hormones?????).

The other thing was... as I sit all day and hardly move (so not to trigger off my CFS/ME), Ive been getting into a computer game, had formed a team (my team was a sister to a higher ranked team). The host of the main team was a counsellor, so Ive shared all my stuff with him as he'd encouraged me to if I needed to talk, but he then like betrayed me by taking me down as host and kicking me out of the team I had been hosting for him as he stupidly came to the conclusion I was too ill to be doing that :( . (when rather it gave me something to do and takes my mind away from my life I dont want to think about). He thought he was helping me obviously by protecting me, but what he did, was destroyed the only social life I had the past couple of mths or so.

Im like an invalid enough, so it was upsetting for someone to pass judgement on something i actually was doing very well, the only thing right now Im able to do well, (and everyone in my team had been very happy) based on something Id been encouraged to share in confidence. (that also was used against me and posted into a main room where I didnt have access too but many others could read it).

So anyway.. loosing all my new formed social life for the past few months as this other didnt want me running one of his online game teams on finding out about my health.. and then my PMDD, pushed me over the edge.
 
T
I did a thank you on the other thread to everyone... but want to say thank you here to (I only got out of hospital today). Thank you everyone for all the posts of encouragement to me etc.

As to what happens with me now, Ive not a clue... Im still without specialists I really need to have, without understanding GP ..and without any family phyisical support as they all live a long way from me and are busy with all their own lives. (and my own children rarely visit me.. one of my children actually dont even speak to me).
 
T
Thank you Ecoclimber for ringing the police.

Im not unhappy to be still alive thou I arent happy to be alive still either, Im not bothered either way, I can be happy dead (I dont really believe in death) or alive.. but thanks as I know it makes many others happy so yeah, I can be happy for them. :)

****I feel like a very tired soul fighting a constant battle to get the medical help and support I need, I dont even manage to make myself a nice meal here a lot of the time****

(Hospital has given me phone numbers to try to ring to try to sort out my meals, but I suspect they arent going to cater for country area and I cant get a government housing tranfer as they keep saying too many on priority waiting lists and in the meantime, they keep reviewing me and making me have more appointments to keep me on that waiting to transfer housing list).

I cried yesterday in hospital... as ALL the other patients in the room I was in who went home.. the hospital made special arrangements for them to make sure they get the support they need when they go home, they were all accessed etc to make sure they had support services in place. Cause I have CFS/ME well that dont happen. The whole situation is so unfair, it made me cry. (I get told I have to try to make my own support arrangements... something Ive been trying to get for years and something Im not managing to do).
 
T
darn what a dismal post... im working hard to get my postive thinking back and ignore how badly I get treated!! Something I do want to get off my chest thou... My mom lives 2 and a half hrs drive from me (5 hr trip to see me)... anyway, she did come and visit me in hospital. A comment doctor made to her was "she'll grow out of it" :( . My mum was furious at that comment.

What did the doctor mean I'd grow out of?? the mood swings being caused by my hormones??? the CFS/ME? I wish doctors would get real! and get themself educated on these illnesses. How im treated by others, bothers me more then the CFS/ME (as long as Im not in severe pain). I'd far prefer to have cancer then CFS/ME due to this. Right now Im angry thinking of that doctors comment... (fortunately, everyone else at hospital was great).
 
gregf
Ohh Tania, I just heard. I have not been on the forums much lately.

So glad you made it thru. I know there is not much practical help
I can give but know that I, we, care. And we understand. We understand
exactly your frustration. Hang in there ; I think things may improve in 2011.
 

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