Support for Tanniaust

Late last night Taniaust posted the following blog on the Forums stating that she had taken pills and wanted to die and saying good bye. She left her address and Ecoclimber called the police in Australia and they went to check up on her. We don't know what happened after that.

Tanisaust has contributed significantly to the Forums and to the Wiki. She stopped posting regularly for a couple of months and posted a few times. In a blog a couple of days ago she stated her mood swings were better but that sh was having alot of difficulty and was suffering from sudden collapses. Then came her last blog. If you know her or wish to support please send her a PM of support.

Im sorry guys and i feel guilty to dump this onto you but i dont even know why im doing this.. but if i die.. i want to be put down to a CFS/ME death.. this illness has screwed me up completely. The lack of testing in Australia for XMRV hasnt got me down at all but if their was some testing, I'd probalby be on drugs for the CFS/ME.

Ive taken a BIG drug overdose trying to kill myself as I dont have a life (cant even always do my own shopping.. risk of collapses as I do collapse but doctors dont worry and dont treat my POTS). Thou my CFS/ME is no where near as bad as it used to be.. I have so many issues in my life and sure my brain my be affected too (unless its reactivating CMV i have) that I want to die..

If anyone reads this.. you probably should ring an ambulance and send it to ...... Its probably too late to pump my stomache and Ive taken 100 pills and have more Im still taking as I just want peace.. peace for all not understanding people put me throu and peace from this illness..

Luv you guys..

Ps if i end up okay I'll mail .. so light a candle for me please if I die as Im sick of 14 yrs of severe illness and doctors not doing enough.. and not allowing me to try things which may help. or POTS treatments.


Tanya, I hope you made it through the night. I hope you will get the help you need. And I hope you will feel the start of a seed of hope in your heart from the love we send you. Hope is VERY powerful. Please hang on! We are hoping for you until you can feel it again. Love Sushizim
Dear Tanya,

I know things have been terrible. But I believe with all my heart that there is beauty and value in this life for you, and that the dark days are not the "true" ones. Please don't lose hope. I am sending my support and hoping that you heal a little bit each day. love from meadowlark.
just saw this and though I so totally understand - have been there many times (both wishing I were dead and actually trying to end things a few times), but even so I just don't have the words to say what I am feeling reading this

my heart breaks for you and yet I hope so much that you are still with us

as long as you are here, there is always still hope that things can get better.....I know how hard it is to see that sometimes, but there is still hope.....if you are dead (obviously) that hope for improvement is gone

also I have noticed that even when things don't necessarily get better situationally, the way that we look at them can change somehow if we just keep on living

I realize that all this might sound trite and I really don't want it to, but like I said, I do understand, so I am not just saying this to say something

I know that there are many here (inc me) who would be very very sad to hear that you succeeded in your attempt

that said, please do not take this as condemnation by any means

I am going to stop writing for now bc like I said, words just don't really say what I want them to now, but please know that you are in my thoughts & prayers
also I have noticed that even when things don't necessarily get better situationally, the way that we look at them can change somehow if we just keep on living
I think that is very true. Particularly when something bad happens I think things can get really dark really fast.....I think we can adjust to an enormous amount of bad stuff but it takes time and a relapse like that can bring all the demons up really fast. Sometimes its just being able to get through that dark period. Tanya blogged that she was experiencing these collapses - it sounded like all of a sudden. I really hope she's OK.

Her last health update was a couple of days ago....but she wasn't despondent...something must have happened.
But I believe with all my heart that there is beauty and value in this life for you, and that the dark days are not the "true" ones.
The dark days are not the 'true' ones.....they can seem that way but they are not. I'm sending you some light Tanya!
Thoughts and prayers out to Tanya. We all are here for you!

Thank you Ecoclimber for sending help!

Much love and light to all of you in the community.

Ecoclimber just sent me this email

I just contacted the South Australian police department and talked to the police there. Apparently, as relayed by the police officer in STRATHALBYN South Australia, the call came in the nick of time. When they arrived on the scene they transported her to the hospital where she is recovering. Due to privacy laws they would not state her condition. They stated many times over during our conversation that we did the right thing about contacting them as she was definitely in bad condition when they arrived.

Whew, that was a close one. I don't not want to have to go through that again. Her guardian angel was certainly looking out for her that night as usually I don't even look over on the side panel where the blogs are located nor read them but just before logging off, her headline caught my eye.
This time the Forums were a lifeline for her and hopefully she will recover, get counseling and support and get better. But it was a very close thing. I don't know what time is in Australia but the post came in late at night when few people were on the boards - and the right person just happened to be. Ecoclimber has some experience in counseling and he was willing to do what was necessary to inform the police - which wasn't easy.

Do you know how difficult to find the correct police department in a town in Southern Australian you never heard of. I kept getting the number for their early police department museum. Even the operator couldn't connect me.
If someone with less persistence had reacted to that message Tanya very well could have died - it was a lucky thing....

We all know how difficult this disorder can be. I knew a very lively and passionate guy from another Forums who ended up living in some whacked out trailer in Texas because of his MCS and eventually blew his brains out. He said he was thinking about it and then he did it. He was one of the top posters on the Forum...

We don't have anything formally set up on the Forums to help people who become despondent. Alot of people have pinned their hopes on XMRV; if it doesn't work out there will be a rough transition period.

Ecoclimber suggested this:

a resource/contact thread where people who get despondent like this could contact or call someone on this forum for help as well as links to various mental health resources they could contact for help, articles, strategies for coping and dealing with depression. But there should be a contact person they should be able to call so that person could call the necessary medical personal to their place.
Any suggestions are welcome.
Couldn't assist myself Cort but it sounds marvellous - I well recall my long years of "hovering" and rather hoping not to wake, no aid etc. Much hoping Tanya has found someone near her who will now aid her. As well as everyone here.
Hi Cort,
I agree we at the very least need a sticky thread in the community section where people can discuss plans to ending their lives as wel as give info about official guidance services etc. A lot of us commit suicide but somehow that is rarely talked about in this board. This community plays a big role in many isolated lives, here people know what this life is like, and can give a deeper level of support.
I think such a thread should have as a goal to let people make the decision they want. In the case if Tanya, here late scream of help suggests that she was not sure about her decision. Discussing it openly and honestly could have prevented her taking these pills.

Tanya I hope you recover soon. You have a home here. This was some rough experience for you. I hope you can and are willing to talk about your views that were behind this decision, either on this forum or somewhere else. Sending you love and hugs.
Oh, thank goodness! I was so worried. Tanya, if you read this, I'm rooting for you and hope and pray that things get better for you. We care!
Tanya, I am so very relieved for you. Many of us have been in a similar emotional place. That sensitive part inside you that feels so much pain can also feel hope. Please do not feel alone. I am lighting a candle for you tonight.
Does anyone know if there is someone who can act as her support in dealing with the medical establishment? I am afraid to think of any of us with this condition being in the care of people who do not understand ME/CFIDS. I guess someone(s) could send information to the hospital about ME/CFIDS to help ensure understanding but who knows what is necessary or would be effective.
L'engle I had the same thought...but there's no way to find out what hospital she's in. I phoned the one in her
town and they say she's not there, I'd have to contact the family to find out. Does anyone have a clue where her family lives?
I'm so glad that help got there in time!

While I realize that most people who don't have ME/CFS don't understand it and that putting any of us in a hospital for mental health issues has a ton of its share of pos difficulties, I do think that in a worst case scenario, having ready access to crisis line phone numbers and ways to contact help are still vital.

Maybe just having some very visible crisis line phone numbers somewhere on here would be good. I know it could add to the false stigma that we are just mentally ill, but I think that there is more than enough info on here to counteract that, and regardless saving a life (or several) is worth that risk.

Thank you for having the courage to reach out when you needed help. So many here truly understand. Please take strength from all the love, world wide, being sent your way.
Tanya, so sad to hear about your pain. Its bloody hard isnt it? please take heart from all the love being sent your way from all the people on here.
With much love. xxx Justy
I can only add my thoughts of support & love.

It's a deep, dark hole you've fallen into Tania, but I can assure you, there's always hope & someone, somewhere to help you.

Hope your hospital can offer the support you need.

You've been, & hopefully will continue to be in the future, a support to others.

But for now, take comfort in that you're in many people's thoughts & we wish you the very best in care & treatment.
Leela found Tania and was able to talk to her. This is what Leela wrote in our other thread

It is hard to describe the relief of just having heard Tanya's fairy-like voice down the phone.

She asked me through gasping breaths to tell everyone that she has been worrying about all of us...that any of us might have got sick from worrying about her...she is sorry...I told her how happy and relieved we all are to know she's okay.

She has only just now been released from ICU and it seems she has double pneumonia.
She is having some difficulty getting people at the medicall center to understand the issues around ME (for instance they seem to interpret her food intolerances as an eating disorder) but soon they will be able to communicate with her regular doctors and specialists and sort those things out. She's hungry!! (That's a good sign :)

She was really moved to know that there are so many of us thinking of her and pulling for her. She expressed several times how much this means to her, and wants everyone to know she's alright.

It was unclear to me how long she'd be at her present location, so for those of us in the northern hemisphere, I think cards and letters would best be sent to her home address, given how long it can take for postal mail to get to Australia from here. I shall proceed ahead right now with our balloon
Tania ,
What can I say......
Hang on !
Our lives will improve, treatments will come.
Hang on and stay with us, your not alone.
Sending love, warm hugs, and understanding.


Om Namah Shivaya

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