im so tired...i had to go get a few things today thankfully one of my kids were out of school and went with me to lift everything..my back is still killing me from the fall i had...i did very little but that very little has caused me to now be in a panic and so much pain and exhausted....i hate that the least thing i do causes a flare...i have to live though and cant afford a butler or maid like most i suppose and i have to shop for my kids, go to doctors and im scared becuase the whole time i do anything im a ball of nerves and in pain...im scared that it may get to where i wont be able to do what little i do now because it seems i keep getting more and more ill...
i hate asking my family to help but whenever they can i ask now..sometimes they cant because of school/work and i understand that and i do it alone but i hate it...i cant take my pain medications and anxiety medications when i drive and i have social phobias also...i always feel like everyone notices how fat i am and i feel so uneasy and scared...i always over do it when alone so i dont have to make another trip...i tell myself over and over not to get too much not to race around the store like a rabbit but once there the fear hits and i go crazy...and i feel crazy...its so hard to believe the person i use to be and what i am now...makes me so sad...
i really hope that more research is done and something will help us all to be better...im pretty much housebound...sorry if i repeat myself but i forget so much..its weird its worse sometimes than others usually always the short term memory...i was very frustrated because i couldnt remember how to make a blog and i had made one not long ago..finally i figured it out again...it does help to talk about things...i read a little at a time but even if i dont answer others theres alot of good advice and it helps to know that were not alone and the only ones that feel like we do...im on another support board that is where i got the name of this one and ive gotten good advice there but seems like fewer people go there...im tired and going to take my pain medicaiton again its time and lay down...i think i will put muschle rub on my neck and back...i cant afford to have mri to see what if anything more than muscle damage was done from the fall but it hurts so badly...
i hate asking my family to help but whenever they can i ask now..sometimes they cant because of school/work and i understand that and i do it alone but i hate it...i cant take my pain medications and anxiety medications when i drive and i have social phobias also...i always feel like everyone notices how fat i am and i feel so uneasy and scared...i always over do it when alone so i dont have to make another trip...i tell myself over and over not to get too much not to race around the store like a rabbit but once there the fear hits and i go crazy...and i feel crazy...its so hard to believe the person i use to be and what i am now...makes me so sad...
i really hope that more research is done and something will help us all to be better...im pretty much housebound...sorry if i repeat myself but i forget so much..its weird its worse sometimes than others usually always the short term memory...i was very frustrated because i couldnt remember how to make a blog and i had made one not long ago..finally i figured it out again...it does help to talk about things...i read a little at a time but even if i dont answer others theres alot of good advice and it helps to know that were not alone and the only ones that feel like we do...im on another support board that is where i got the name of this one and ive gotten good advice there but seems like fewer people go there...im tired and going to take my pain medicaiton again its time and lay down...i think i will put muschle rub on my neck and back...i cant afford to have mri to see what if anything more than muscle damage was done from the fall but it hurts so badly...
