Something to Ponder

[Rufous McKinney]

Guessing Pluto in Leo, only fire sign Pluto

Yes..in the First, also a bit on its own. When I'm working my 12th in a good way, its pretty cool. Would not trade it in for a different model.

But I ponder my need to go to the opposite arena, to work the Sixth house. For balance. Which I continue to find- well harder to grasp. And my chiron is there- that wounded healer.

My Neptunism is intense. At eight, I "will be a marine biologist" occured. That was that. When no ocean conveniently appeared, I studied lakes. And everything microscopic (plankton expert for a while)...(veiled, requiring magnification). And me the noticer of details. Minute details.

So then you catch the : eh, I can let go of these minute details...illness. And if one needed to work that past life Leo node, well ego goes quickly here. I think we both burn muscle, and ego..in this illness.

 

[Rufous McKinney]

Todays major news from Cort Johnson-

https://www.healthrising.org/blog/2...gregor-metabolism-chronic-fatigue-glycolysis/

All that makes so much sense here and provides: huge fodder for pondering. I hope somebody with energy starts a thread!

I'm wiped from 5 hour field trip to: an abandoned church ruin from 1560. And witnesses to my total unraveling around hour 4. But horray! I somehow did it. And now can rest up more.

 

[Rufous McKinney]

to deal with the two major things at the time 1)the chronic illness.. and 2) I need to retire.

So that reading was quite valuable at the time. I should go re-read it...transcript someplace.

I am so vague and tired, looking for some file can be: oh well exhausting. Got to muster alot of will to lift all this.

So I worked for three more years on account of her urging me to not retire yet, based upon her sense of what was up. And perhaps that was the route to take. I did accomplish some important nature saving in those last three years.

It has also meant that I am financially not in DIRE straights. And I am so grateful to MYSELF and my WORK that I somehow pulled it off.

But I also know that if I had followed my sense at the time- I needed to stop working and perhaps I'd be less sick now. But there is no going back now. Only forward.

 

[Rufous McKinney]

You soooo right ..... my bad, brain infarct.

Your brain seems to firing at much higher speeds than mine, currently. This cognitive crap really sucks.

This is also a really tough aspect of all this. When somebody starts going off in the Comment section of a post on their specific chart, and that Mercury is Sextile their Lilith Square Saturn in the 9th....my brain just SIGHS and goes asleep.

 

[YippeeKi YOW !!]

@Rufous McKinney

When somebody starts going off in the Comment section of a post on their specific chart, and that Mercury is Sextile their Lilith Square Saturn in the 9th....my brain just SIGHS and goes asleep.

I totally hear you. In fact, I just had a refreshing little flash-nap reading that Mercury/Lilith/Saturn etc stuff.

Absolutely zero energy for visualizing those aspects and then pulling up the necessary info out of creaky, dusty
brain compartments.

 

[Rufous McKinney]

I just had a refreshing little flash-nap reading that Mercury/Lilith/Saturn

Well, I just invented all that for dramatic effect, absent colons. But it does crack me up...when people dump their every aspect into a comment section! And then presumably- we all "followed that".

 

[Wayne]

I just read a touching article that I thought fit in perfectly with this thread. It's a remarkable story that touches on love, growth, honesty, acceptance, caring, and so much more.

I was married with 2 kids when I realized I'm gay
By Melisa Raney, with illustrations by Ian Berry Updated 5:18 PM ET, Thu June 6, 2019

 

[Rufous McKinney]

I just read a touching article that I thought fit in perfectly with this thread.

That was interesting....in this day and age we presume people are better positioned to figure all this out...yet still we live our lives, and perhaps it can take considerable time to: discover who we are or what our place at the moment is......Its a constant and continuous awakening!

 

[Wayne]

I've long been a fan of Leonard Cohen and his music. At some point I became aware that Marianne was the love of his life (I'm sort of a sap for genuine love stories ). And now I just learned a movie has been made about them (link to trailer below). Below the link is a touching note (with points to "ponder") Leonard sent to Marianne shortly before her death.

MARIANNE & LEONARD WORDS OF LOVE | Official Trailer | Roadside Attractions

Marianne was apparently the love of his life. They lived together for 10 years and kept contact through the years. He wrote to her in July 2016 just days before she died expressing his love for her. The letter was read to her by her husband on in her hospital bed.

"Well Marianne it’s come to this time when we are really so old and our bodies are falling apart and I think I will follow you very soon. Know that I am so close behind you that if you stretch out your hand, I think you can reach mine. And you know that I’ve always loved you for your beauty and your wisdom, but I don’t need to say anything more about that because you know all about that. But now, I just want to wish you a very good journey. Goodbye old friend. Endless love, see you down the road.”​

-
Here's a link to the song Marianne:

So long, Marianne Leonard Cohen
................................................

Some Facts About the Song So Long Marianne Lyrics by Leonard Cohen

“So Long, Marianne” is a song written by Canadian poet and musician Leonard Cohen. It was featured on his debut album, Songs of Leonard Cohen. Pitchfork Media placed it at number 190 on their list of “The 200 Greatest Songs of the 1960s.”​

​

The song was inspired by Marianne Jensen (later Marianne Ihlen), whom Cohen met on the Greek island of Hydra in 1960. Cohen said she was the most beautiful woman he had ever met. She had recently been left by her husband, the Norwegian writer Axel Jensen, leaving her and her six-month-old son alone on the island.​

​

The two hit it off, and Cohen ultimately took her from Hydra back to her home in Oslo, Norway. He later invited her and her son to live with him in Montreal, an offer which she accepted. The two lived together throughout the 1960s, commuting between New York, Montreal, and Hydra.​

​

Cohen dedicated his third volume of poetry, Flowers for Hitler, to her, and she directly inspired many of his other songs and poems. A photo of her appears on the back cover of his second album, Songs From a Room.​

 

[Rufous McKinney]

And now I just learned a movie has been made about them (link to trailer below). Below the link is a touching note (with points to "ponder") Leonard sent to Marianne shortly before her death.

How Exciting! Amazing there is that much film footage! Thanks for posting.....

 

[Wayne]

OMG @Wayne I need to buy that book! like now!

Hi @jesse's mom -- I just got an email (below) from the Barbara Brennan School of Healing, which invites people to participate in a free conference call. Thought I'd post it here in case anybody would be interested. I'm going to try to listen in myself.

To learn more about the
Barbara Brennan School of Healing

Join Our FREE Conference Call
Florida 4-Year School
New York City & California Year 1 Trainings
Lead Teachers

Monday, July 29, 2019 at 7PM (EDT)

To attend the call, please email
bbsh.call@barbarabrennan.com
for the call-in instructions.

BARBARA BRENNAN SCHOOL OF HEALING®​

​

Barbara Brennan School of Healing
500 NE Spanish River Boulevard, Suite 208
Boca Raton, FL 33431 • USA
561-620-8767

Click here to unsubscribe.​

 

[jesse's mom]

Thanks @Wayne!

 

[Rich D]

Given that you mentioned trauma, I have seen some amazing improvement after dealing with childhood trauma. Have you heard of Gabor Mate? He talks about this connection. Here is a video if you are interested:

 

[Loomcgoo]

Hopefully, I'm posting in the right thread. I'm just pondering on how people talk to themselves whilst dealing with not being able to manage daily tasks, get out of bed or the house?

Can anyone share the good ways they talk to themselves to cope with the awful hardship this cruel illness brings?

Whether it's a way of comforting yourself, reassuring yourself or recognising the strength and resilience it takes when being held hostage by something so invisible.

Is anyone out there able to fully validate their own experience and see how amazing they are in being able to survive this illness (whilst keeping themselves and their sense of humour)? Can anyone fully see the misfortune of being subjected to such an invisible illness that the world refuses to recognise, and know that how they survive is exactly how most people would survive?

Perhaps I'm pondering, is it possible to fully see how and what this illness does, and to any human being? To have a sense of self that knows a lot of the challenge and difficulties are because the war we fight daily is beyond anything the healthy world could even imagine. Where we can recognise and support ourselves in the face of such hefty challenges, with a solid unshakable confidence in how strong, courageous and determined we are?

Can we know in an unshakeable way how well we have done, and continue to do?

If anyone has any thoughts please share if you are able to, not just for those of us who are posting, but for those who read (or get posts read out to them). I often find what other people write allows me to breathe, it validates my experience and allows me to be less vulnerable to oppression from the ever constant healthy world.

 

[YippeeKi YOW !!]

Hopefully, I'm posting in the right thread.

You totally are. Unless they've changed the definition of the word 'ponder'.

Can anyone share the good ways they talk to themselves to cope with the awful hardship this cruel illness brings?

I catch myself sayng things like: "This is just temporary. It isn;t your whole life, it's just this one, fleeting moment in it." ..... "I'll be better tomorrow / after some decent sleep / after I eat something" ..... "OK. This has to be done, so just hoist yourself up and do it ...... OK, just a few more steps, put one foot in front of the other, think about how much better you'll feel once this is done and over" ........ "You're doing great, just finish this last little thing, and then back to bed and a nice lie down / movie / bit of a book / whatev ..."

is it possible to fully see how and what this illness does, and to any human being?

I don;t think that it is. It's so boundless in it's effects and scope, and so different in many ways from person to person .....

I often find what other people write allows me to breathe, it validates my experience and allows me to be less vulnerable to oppression from the ever constant healthy world.

A beautifully expressed explanation of why these threads and this forum is sooooo important to so many of us for our survival and sanity ....

 

[Rufous McKinney]

. I often find what other people write allows me to breathe, it validates my experience and allows me to be less vulnerable to oppression from the ever constant healthy world.

That is beautifully stated! Thank you!

 

[Rufous McKinney]

Can anyone share the good ways they talk to themselves to cope with the awful hardship this cruel illness brings?

Everything we feel and think is just so temporary....even the dejected awfulness we experience when our bodies aren't cooperating. I am still recovering from "a trip" that meant I was NOT able to rest the way I need to, and the worsening of these symptoms was staggering! And there were times when I just felt so HORRIBLE that continuing a few more minutes seemed entirely UNLIKELY.

I think the main way I talk to myself about this is: that I chose it. This is an experience that I chose prior to showing up...this time around perhaps. Or not, this is not to be known, at this time. It is the experience. So I've had so many really wonderful experiences in this life...that I have to be grateful for it.

I would be a very different person, had all "this" not happened the way it did. So I figure I am learning alot about being a better being, thru experiencing this discomfort.

 

[jesse's mom]

@Loomcgoo I am so glad you shared your thoughts today, and your hopes. These questions show that you can still hope to feel valid during this horrible and unpredictable illness!

This forum is one thing that helps me to cope. Together we are stronger!

Whether it's a way of comforting yourself, reassuring yourself or recognising the strength and resilience it takes when being held hostage by something so invisible.

For me like @YippeeKi YOW !! and @Rufous McKinney said this has such everchanging illness hold on, it changes. I have over the years I have learned a beautiful life lesson, to be my own friend and to learn to love and accept myself. I am not there every day, but more and more over these last years.

Where we can recognise and support ourselves in the face of such hefty challenges, with a solid unshakable confidence in how strong, courageous and determined we are?

For me, precticing meditation is helpful. It does take building patience with yourself. There are some really good videos with guided meditations. Let me know how much experience you have with meditation and I will post some links for you!

Can we know in an unshakeable way how well we have done, and continue to do?

Unshakable? Wow what would be great for me as well! Just hang in there. We care stick around, yes?

 

[Loomcgoo]

Thank you for your reply @jesse's mom

@Loomcgoo

For me, precticing meditation is helpful. It does take building patience with yourself. There are some really good videos with guided meditations. Let me know how much experience you have with meditation and I will post some links for you!

I have been using meditation more which has brought me to a better understanding of my world from my point of view, any links would be much appreciated.

I have a glimpse at times of an unshakeable knowing of how well we do and continue to do - particularly when I see how everyone on PR carries on (even though they don't feel like they are) in spite of such horrors. I'm hoping that glimpse can become a quiet solid knowing. The validation isn't going to come from the outside (actually that's not true I have a few who support me), it's just I'm overwhelmingly met with judgement, disbelief or misunderstanding. The distress and angst it causes me adds to the suffering. There must be a way of being totally in our world, knowing our experience from our perspective whilst still being able to interact with the healthy world. My problem is I have been taking on the whole "mental health", or if you just get over trauma, or believe in yourself you'll be well stuff.

I believe dealing with emotional issues definitely help, but I am being blamed and on some level I'm taking that on. It's time I step and embraced my world and stopped disowning or doubting my own experience. I think I push myself because instead of listening to my body wisdom I'm trying not to be the failure, cop-out, weak-one, feeble that I'm painted as being.

I think I take on what others think to help keep the connection because I'm so scared of not having support. However, there must be a way to keep the connection to the healthy world, and to be fully be in my reality and accept that most of the time I will be judged and misunderstood.

We can get that unshakeable knowing, being here has helped me to glimpse it

 

[Loomcgoo]

I catch myself sayng things like: "This is just temporary. It isn;t your whole life, it's just this one, fleeting moment in it." ..... "I'll be better tomorrow / after some decent sleep / after I eat something" ..... "OK. This has to be done, so just hoist yourself up and do it ...... OK, just a few more steps, put one foot in front of the other, think about how much better you'll feel once this is done and over" ........ "You're doing great, just finish this last little thing, and then back to bed and a nice lie down / movie / bit of a book / whatev ..."

I don;t think that it is. It's so boundless in it's effects and scope, and so different in many ways from person to person .....

and this site is sooooo important to so many of us for our survival and sanity ....

Thanks, it is about breaking it down, isn't it?

That's probably why I can't get to grips with it, it is vast and perhaps it's just knowing that and not trying to know it fully - thanks for that.

Sorry not good at using multi-quote - hopefully it makes sense.

Thanks @YippeeKi YOW !! , it's good to know I'm not alone