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The Battle for Christmas Rages On / Gimme Drugs / SSI

12/25/2023 - 0017 hours

I'm in the midst of what sounds like a war zone (out there). Round after round of gunfire, explosions on all sides, and flashing pyrotechnics are at hand. I'm not exactly sure why this is happening on what was once known as Christmas Eve —- but perhaps I missed the memo, and maybe now we're celebrating the representational birthday of Jesus with high-impact explosions and projectile launching, instead of the formerly more typical Jolly Fat Man in a Red Suit squeezing down a chimney kind of action.

What's interesting is that I can readily detect the after-explosion smoke that's wafting about, even though I am 100% inside the garage. I'm hoping I don't take any bullets either. Shrapnel is bad for the body. And likely, bad for the soul.

At least people didn't start shooting their semi-automatic weapons into the air until just now. I suppose they ran out of their m80s, and m100s, and whatever else they had queued up in their apocalyptic arsenal.

So now I wonder … What's going to happen on New Year's Eve? I suppose End Days are here.

Just Shoot Me, Already

As part of my update, I'd like you to know I haven't been outside since the guy with the gun threatened me. My pain level has been intolerable, so that's my excuse for the moment. Plus, I'd like to figure out a way to arm myself. And better than all that, if I do get a gun, I can go outside and randomly shoot bullets towards the sky without fear and without consequence (on any given holiday, real or pretend).

In Arizona, we don't believe in gravity. So any and all bullets aimed towards Jesus's high heavens never actually land. Or if they do land, they somehow rain down across the way, over in Mexico. Not our concern. Apparently. Perhaps they can hand out Kevlar umbrellas to the needy.


I'm also thinking of trying marijuana again. The last three times I tried it —---

Ohhh… hold on a second. Someone is shooting a rifle right outside the front door here. And it's taking forever for the person to complete the sequence. Damn that's loud!

So three shots fired, with exceedingly long pauses in between. Maybe the poor dude is nearly out of bullets and he's milking it. Dumbass. He should have planned ahead. Walmart sells super cheap bullets, especially this time of year. At least, that's what the billboard says.

Nope, signage actually says, more specifically, “Cheap ammo!”

You see, in the authentic billboard image (located adjacent to the Pizza Hut down the street), “dad” is strapped to the teeth, bulging muscles, tattoos in all the right places, looking like a modern-day Rambo. Meanwhile, “mom” is tending to the couple's small children as they light a series of celebratory candles with an industrial strength blowtorch. “Safety first,” as the mother insists each of the children don welding goggles.

In any case, if I'm going to be carrying around loaded weapons, I need to get the slang down. I'll need to be more convincing.

Oh, and just in case I do get murdered some day soon. It's okay. As long as they murder me quickly and painlessly. I'm really quite alright with dying. This suffering business is getting ridiculous (although I suspect there are others of you dealing with pain, finding ways to make each day memorable / worthwhile). Or maybe I'm being a big fat baby.

Gosh, I hope the marijuana works (the last three times I had very bad muscle burn, somnolence, and other terrible side effects afterwards).

There have got to be other options, right?

Acupuncture. Or acupressure? Acapulco? Or simply, alcohol.

Will alcohol help with anything? Probably not. Probably not a good idea with uncooperative intestines.

Either way, I can afford to self-medicate now, because…


Can you believe it?

So now that I'll have money (for the first time since 2012), I can find creative ways to numb myself. Heck, I may also try cigarettes again. Because they have nicotine. And I'm sure nicotine does the body good, or else people wouldn't be smoking cigarettes all the time, now would they? Although in my neck of the woods, vaping seems to be the way to go. People vape this and vape that all day long. So maybe I should get into The Vapors!

In any case, the relative onslaught of money brings up … Pregnant Questions

How much SSI will I be receiving?

About $900 a month.

Nooooo, thank The Lord for proofreading. It's not “Pregnant Questions” - it's Pertinent Questions! The gunfire suddenly escalated, thus my phone failed to recognize my voice syntax over the racket.

Additionally, I'm trying to keep things quiet down here with my voice… which seems to be all together silly, considering what's going on outdoors. You see, the person who used to be my wife is heading off and out (and about) at 5 o’clock in the morning. She has to go downtown, pick up her mother, then go across town to meet up with the grandkids, so they can open up their thousands of dollars worth of Christmas presents.

And then after she's completed the little children related festivities, she's heading over to her daughter's home for the remainder of the day. And the thing that's kind of neat, is that the daughter invited me to come over to her house.

Due to my physical complications right now, I cannot attend. But that was very nice of her to think of me. Most times, people don't think of me. Which is kind of my M.O. When I fly, I fly below the radar, yet, just above the sonar. It's a tight squeeze between the navigable flying realms, but I take pride in my virtual invisibility.

Nursing Home Visit (details belated)

I enjoyed having people smile and welcome me back into the fold - temporarily, back in the fold. But more importantly than all else, I saw (and visited with) several of the people I had hoped to see.

Initially, the director of nursing invited me into her office for a chat. Then, two of the physical therapists greeted me warmly. A nurse. The secondary maintenance guy. Then eventually, two particular residents went back and forth with me. And then of course, I spent 15 minutes chatting with my former roommate.

Apparently he's being gravely mistreated / ignored without me advocating for him. Last week he didn't get his evening meds, so after calling out for two hours (seeking help), he somehow dropped himself safely out of bed, then crawled out to the hallway, in A desperate attempt to get his Klonopin.

Note: so you know, he was successful!

I also saw one of my favorite CNAs. We have a crazy good report. And I am drawn to her in every way, shape, and form. And based upon her behaviors (etc.) she feels the same way about me.

Note: she's young and married, and I'm old, broken and partially involved already - so this is (was) more of a fun / playful and less-lethal kind of adventure, back when I was there.

Fortunately, we were both smart about things, and avoided each other (and temptation) as best we could. But every now and again, we ended up at the same place at the same time, unintentionally working ourselves into a state of conversational bliss - so much so, that it felt like being on drugs. The good kind. Cocaine. Top of the line.

Is cocaine still a good drug to abuse? Gosh, I haven't messed with that stuff since high school.

Either way, it's nice knowing there are people on the planet with whom an intense connection can be made (every now and again).

Boom Boom

Wow, the explosions continue on and on into the night. Perhaps there's a military coup underway. I know (former defeated Governor hopeful) Kari Lake wants to overthrow the government, as do some of the local congress folk. I suppose it's an Arizona thing. And maybe it's a Texas thing, too! New Mexico? No, they seem somewhat inclined towards practicality. And Utah is content. Meanwhile, Nevada is gaming the system.

Besides the nursing home people, I eventually traveled a short way down the bike path and found who was looking for: my main homeless buddy (and his girlfriend). I'll get into that later though. The details. But they're currently struggling against the cold — and also, they've lost their sole source of income, because the police are cracking down on panhandling. In the meanwhile, I'm trying to get my friend set up with an Arizona ID, so at least he can work some day labor jobs every so often.

3 Hours Later….

I managed to squeeze in some sleep. Three hours of unconsciousness between psuedo-bombings within my neighborhood construct. And interesting as always, I woke up with a flat belly. No pain anywhere. And then within minutes of ingesting a small amount of white rice, boom! Here comes the burn. The bloat. The Ballroom Blitz … “The man in the back said everyone attack and it turned into a Ballroom Blitz” —- that's some lyrical gold right there!

In my case, it's more so a matter of an intestinal blitz. Minus the dancing shoes. No punch bowl either. Just repeated gut punches. Wince, cringe, double over and repeat after me.

Indeed, the abdominal expansion is underway.

Eh. I didn't want to eat the rice anyway. It tastes like blueberries. So clearly, I'm eating white rice out of yesterday's unwashed blueberry container. It tastes icky and awful, so I'm going to bypass. Next up? The hard boiled egg.

Alright, I need to post this. I need to give you guys some reading material on Christmas Day Eve. Is that what this is called right now?

Take care,

Picture I took back in August of 2011 - motivational message added, from Louise Hay? Maybe... maybe Tolle



Hey Howard, missing your posts and hearing about your trips out here on your blog.

Are you any further along with a solution for your living situation? I hadn't realized your SSI isn't enough even to rent a room.

Was thinking of you on NYE - Rufous's analogy to the Alamo with the fireworks was about how it was here...it sounded like being in a war zone. I Can't imagine how that sounded in the garage. :jaw-drop:

Can you tolerate any type of meal replacement drink orally along with small amounts of other foods you can tolerate? It does seem the J tube and feeding formulas are causing you a lot of problems and discomfort....

Sending :hug:'s

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