After approximately 8 months of being sans gluten (at least in my diet), I'm faced with the decision of whether to continue, or conclude it early. I had originally planned to keep it going until Autumn this year, after getting some work done and pushing for some progress over the summer, ideally in the form of doctors seeing my plight and saying, 'Yes, I think you're absolutely right and sick as a dog!' (What daydreams.) But now, I just don't know if I can continue. For 7 months I have been eating the same things, putting up with the blue thread, brown poop-like pieces and golden gloop I have found on them, and just can't tolerate it any more. My choices in the gluten free aisle are limited by fibre content (I don't tolerate much fibre and a lot of the GF bread alternatives here seem to be loaded in the stuff), and suspicious ingredients that I have possibly reacted to, such as cornflour, quinoa, oats, seeds etc. Only 2 foods got the check mark: the poopy gloopy pancakes, and Schar sweet brioche rolls.
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I had a 2-hour break from writing this entry as illness has hit me HARD today. I'm freezing, but keep coming over hot and sweaty; my head is light; I've been to the bathroom twice; my allergies feel more like a cold today, and I feel overall rundown and very weak. I can only think of 2 suspects: Hormones, as my skin is angry and uncomfortable with acne; and the free from crackers I've been eating for breakfast since yesterday. I can see no suspicious ingredient except for soya bran. Honestly, I don't know what soya bran is, but I know soya is a devil. I have no clue about bran. I've never had an all-over flu-like reaction to a food before, though. Feeling ill, I took my 'stomach pillow' and phone to my room, and immediately burst into tears.
I can't do this alone without a doctor's assistance anymore. I have cut out every food on earth and all I'm left with is potato, carrots and swede. Can I eat potato for breakfast, lunch and dinner? I hate food, really despise food, but oh no SHE HATES FOOD SHE HAS AN EATING DISORDER. 'DoEs pARt oF YoU WaNt tO bE SkInnY?' All I want is to speak to a doctor that doesn't think I have anorexia, that doesn't think I'm a psychological case, and doesn't shrug their shoulders telling me I've been through everything and simply nobody knows anymore. I want someone to look at my printed symptoms list - cut down to one page for their convenience! - and consider them as a whole. I feel like this isn't a huge ask.
I don't know what to eat for breakfast tomorrow. I have no pancakes. I refuse to eat the crackers. I guess I'll have the GF wheat waffles again. I can't tell whether I'm reacting to the GF wheat or not, because I've also tried free from crackers with soya bran this week. I probably should have waited a few days before eating the crackers. But I just didn't want those darned waffles, either. I am seriously considering the butter croissants I ate last year until I started the gluten free experiment. I feel no better gluten free - certain symptoms such as head zaps and muscular jolts started after removing gluten, but then I remember that I used to walk around the house bent double, and my back went up straighter after removing the bread. Then again, I also cut out peas, green beans and sweetcorn, possible causes of the popping gas that hasn't bothered me in approximately 9 or 10 months.
What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to think?
I have to end here as illness is coming over me again, acid, bad head, bones hurting, and I think I have to run to the bathroom.
All I want is for someone to help me, but when all is said and done, when the symptoms have passed and the crying is over, it remains a fantasy, and I remain fighting, alone.
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I had a 2-hour break from writing this entry as illness has hit me HARD today. I'm freezing, but keep coming over hot and sweaty; my head is light; I've been to the bathroom twice; my allergies feel more like a cold today, and I feel overall rundown and very weak. I can only think of 2 suspects: Hormones, as my skin is angry and uncomfortable with acne; and the free from crackers I've been eating for breakfast since yesterday. I can see no suspicious ingredient except for soya bran. Honestly, I don't know what soya bran is, but I know soya is a devil. I have no clue about bran. I've never had an all-over flu-like reaction to a food before, though. Feeling ill, I took my 'stomach pillow' and phone to my room, and immediately burst into tears.
I can't do this alone without a doctor's assistance anymore. I have cut out every food on earth and all I'm left with is potato, carrots and swede. Can I eat potato for breakfast, lunch and dinner? I hate food, really despise food, but oh no SHE HATES FOOD SHE HAS AN EATING DISORDER. 'DoEs pARt oF YoU WaNt tO bE SkInnY?' All I want is to speak to a doctor that doesn't think I have anorexia, that doesn't think I'm a psychological case, and doesn't shrug their shoulders telling me I've been through everything and simply nobody knows anymore. I want someone to look at my printed symptoms list - cut down to one page for their convenience! - and consider them as a whole. I feel like this isn't a huge ask.
I don't know what to eat for breakfast tomorrow. I have no pancakes. I refuse to eat the crackers. I guess I'll have the GF wheat waffles again. I can't tell whether I'm reacting to the GF wheat or not, because I've also tried free from crackers with soya bran this week. I probably should have waited a few days before eating the crackers. But I just didn't want those darned waffles, either. I am seriously considering the butter croissants I ate last year until I started the gluten free experiment. I feel no better gluten free - certain symptoms such as head zaps and muscular jolts started after removing gluten, but then I remember that I used to walk around the house bent double, and my back went up straighter after removing the bread. Then again, I also cut out peas, green beans and sweetcorn, possible causes of the popping gas that hasn't bothered me in approximately 9 or 10 months.
What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to think?
I have to end here as illness is coming over me again, acid, bad head, bones hurting, and I think I have to run to the bathroom.
All I want is for someone to help me, but when all is said and done, when the symptoms have passed and the crying is over, it remains a fantasy, and I remain fighting, alone.
Likes:
CedarHome and Wolfcub