Some of the talk of scooters in another thread got me thinking about something I'd been wrestling with this year. And yes, I know I use the word "wrestling" in this context a lot. Think of it as the opposite of physical comedy! My brain wrestles so much, I think it may go pro some time. Take on Hulk Hogan in a Royal Rumble, maybe. Earn a giant, gaudy metal championship belt that I can wrap around my head...
Anyway!
Mobility. In more recent years, my fundamental mobility seems to have been challenged more than usual. A lot more joint and muscle pain overall, and especially in the mornings. Or after sitting--which is often. Pain in the arms, pain in the back, pain the neck (har!), pain in the hands... those are all one thing. But escalating pain in the legs and feet... ugh. Now it's messing with my basic ambulatory functions!
And yet, my only response to any of that was mostly to up the frequency of pain meds. Hope that taking extra timing stretching before getting out of bed might help take the edge off. These sorts of things. The idea of using a cane flitted through my head from time to time, as I noticed that sometimes the pain was such that it could be unbalancing--which isn't so great, in most circumstances (unless I was going to moonlight as a birthday clown that specialized in pratfalls)--but I never acted on it.
It wasn't until my mother brought back, from her mother's house, a cane that belonged to my grandfather that it clicked. The idea settled in. I tried it out a bit, and it
did help. Not a magic fix, but an improvement. It required some extra thinking, as if learning to manipulate another, unfeeling appendage. Immediately my mind buzzed with a swarm of thoughts... I need to find a cane that says Me. I need to figure out how to incorporate this into my day to day, without leaving it somewhere absentmindedly. I need to make sure I'm using it correctly so I don't give myself
more pain in all the wrong places. I need to make sure I don't use when I don't need to--don't want to become prematurely dependent on it! Develop new habits!
A whole new world!
Then another thought crept into my head... "This makes me feel
old." I already wrestle (!!) with that feeling for other reasons. Adding a cane to the picture just made it a hundred times worse. "What's next, a walker? A wheelchair? Maybe a power scooter with a horn? Perhaps I could have the lower half of my body surgically replaced with a motorized set of Wheely Feet (patent pending)..."
Whoa, whoa... hold on a moment... I'm getting ahead of myself. A cane isn't too bad, right? You can get all kinds of canes... some with fancy designs. Some with swords hidden in them (I could be the first CFS Ninja!) ... there are options! Maybe racing stripes?
Confident that I was onto something, and merely overreacting, I convinced myself that with a cane, I would look like this (click for bigger version; yes, that's House, M.D.):
Now we're talkin'! That's not bad at all, right? All I need to do is learn to say stuff like "It's never lupus." or "Amyloidosis." and I'm golden.
Buuuut... not so fast...
I caught myself in a mirror, leaning awkwardly on the cane...
Yeeeeeah, never mind.
The cane now rests on the bannister, looking important and well-placed. And there it will stay.
For a while, anyway. I hear the clown business is picking back up.