The Life I've Missed

I never got to go to my high school prom. I had actually skipped a year of high school and it was by accident. They had accidentally put me in classes a year ahead, and because I was a straight A student even in those classes, when they realized what they had done, they let me graduate a year early.

That last year of high school for me was 1986. A few months before I graduated, I started to get sick, so no prom for me. I would have liked to have gone. My mother tried to tell me it was no big deal, but it was.

Since I got fully disabled at age twenty one, right out of collage, I never got to get married or go to fun clubs or anything. I had done alittle clubbing and bar hopping in collage. I was actually engaged to be married when I was in college. I called it off. We actually broke up shortly before I got sick. I ended up getting sick from the new guy I started dating. And that was the end of my life. Didn't get to get married. It wouldn't have worked with my fiance. I knew it, that's why I called it off. But I wish it had worked. It would have been nice to have gotten married and had kids. We talked about having kids. Marriage and kids, not gonna happen in this life for me now.

I miss the little things, though, going to friend's parties, all the little social things. I had a best friend, we did alot together before I got sick. I had real friends who used to call me. My phone rang every day. It never rings now. No more parties for me. New Year's always kills me, I really feel it on New Year's when everyone else is going to a party.

I did have small jobs before I got sick, plenty of them. I even worked in a Chinese restaurant once, waitress for a short amount of time. I worked in a video store, and I worked for a car insurance company. I went out with coworkers. I had a life.

My gym life was great. I loved that. Miss it very much. I used to be into women's bodybuilding and I would do aerobics. Just loved it.

I grew up in NY by the beach. I used to go even by myself and sit on the boardwalk or the rocks and breathe the salty air and watch the waves crash in. Or just to walk along the beach. I miss that so much. The year I moved out of NY, I was too sick to drive myself to the ocean and all I wanted was to see it one more time before I moved and I couldn't.

Most of all, I miss being alive.

Comments

Hi Carrington,

Just wanted to say thank you for recording and sharing your experiences with us.

I hope our bloggs, will become a powerful qualittative source of data that will provide the insights that the powers that be seem to lack.
 
I think it's important to talk about these things. People need to know what this disease does and how many areas of your life that it affects.
 

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