What I’ll also add is this: The one thing that ketamine did consistently give me every time was an escape from all the morose feelings that have ensued from being a handicapped version of what I was before I grew ill. It allowed me to bypass the galling feeling that I would constantly obsess over which is “when will this be over. When will they find a cure?”. I found myself able to wallow in a very low functioning state without my awareness burning a hole through my mood. I’ll put it this way— It made me content. The pressures that I did have mostly came from the outside pressures of my parents and their expectations for me. In the future, if i wanted to kill long periods of times waiting around (months to years) in the least horrific way possible, ketamine infusions would be my first stop. As far as energy goes, it definitely spiked my glutamate in many areas of my brain. Some of these were good, others bad. I hadn’t previously had any sleep issues and never had to use sleep aids. After ketamine however, falling asleep was a nightmare. Despite a lack of clarity in my thinking, my body refused to go to sleep. I ended up having to try very harsh programs to sleep. At first I supplemented with a few Benadryl (50-100 mgs). After more and more infusions I was eventually up to 12.5 mg ambien, 1.5 grams clonazepam, and around 150-250 mg of Benadryl a night. I would take these medicines around midnight but often times they wouldn’t work and I would be forced to watch the sun come up while suffering numerous anticholinergic delirium symptoms. After this, my dr and I employed a new program which consisted of skipping a few nights of sleep every week. The rational behind this was if I were to skip a night of sleep, the next night I would be extra tired and I would be able to sleep. I would sleep 5/7 nights a week. These were brutal. Often times I still had to take all of my medicines and still wouldn’t fall asleep until 5 am. My whole body would ache, I would start to get delusional, and I was no longer allowed to drive due to fear I would crash. It’s been 5 months since my last infusion and my sleep is getting better slowly but surely. I am now only taking half the medicines, I no longer have to do skip days, and I always fall asleep before the sun comes up.
So in conclusion, if i could see the future and knew that I had a few years to kill— with the goal being to survive and assume as much comfort as possible— ketamine would be the first treatment I would do. This is under the assumption that I didn’t have an occupation or any other responsibilities as the sleep issues would make that impossible.
I say try it though. It doesn’t hurt. Also, it took about 12 infusions for my sleep to get bad. I noticed way before this point, but never knew it would portend to what came next.
Thank ,you for that information. Interesting how the application was for anxiety basically. Something I deal with for no apparent reason. I attribute my anxiety to my “nerve” issues which go on unresolved.
