Joyful Lady
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Feeling guilt is not healthy so a viewpoint that takes this perspective would not be recommended or encouraged. In fact, I would encourage looking for a viewpoint that feels better.
I have not said, not would I say "if you stop believing you are ill you will get better." In fact, that would be delusional. It would not address any negativity that may be impacting immune function. If an illness is exacerbated by negative thinking it was not the negative thinking about the illness that got it started -- that puts one with a chicken and an egg.
It is more about negative viewpoints, generalizations, holding onto anger, refusing to forgive, feeling guilt or shame, spite or other emotions that are really communication from your emotional sensory system to take action -- and, again, I am not blaming the individuals -- society teaches us to behave in these ways. When a depressed person gets angry people usually try to suppress the anger rather than walk them through it to better-feeling emotions -- anger is a better emotion than depression but it is more difficult to deal with (for others) so society and families will often do things that push the person back down to depression rather than helping them move on to better-feeling emotions.
This entire conversation (thread) might be possible if we agreed on some definitions but in this case things are not defined well enough to communicate clearly. Some of the things people believe are being said are due to this lack of clear defining.
For example, the concept that one "should" feel guilty because any aspect of their illness (what ever illness - not just the one this Forum is about) might be due to negative emotions. They should give themselves a break, they are human, after all. We are already perfect in our imperfections. Beating oneself up for not having done something perfectly is not healthy. And, doubly so when it is not something they know about and in most cases, were taught in direct opposition to. And, it is certainly not saying that illness is "all in the mind." It is saying there is a mind-body connection and that learning how the brain works and how beliefs impact experiences and adopting more positive beliefs to allow more positive experiences (see my post regarding beliefs about the opposite gender posted in the last hour for clarity about what I am referring to here). Feeling guilty about having an illness is in direct contradiction of finding more positive perspectives.
Another person posted that she had spent years attempting to figure out what beliefs were harming her -- that is another thing that is often done and which I would never recommend. Since a belief is really just a thought you have thought repeatedly if an area of life is not going well one can decide "what beliefs would serve me here" and then begin a process of moving toward that desired belief -- baby steps might be necessary if the current belief is very different.
For example, there have been many women in my experience, some working alongside me who believed that opportunities were closed to them because of their gender. There were other women (eventually, myself included as I deliberately change my beliefs) who did not hold this same belief. I saw, repeatedly, the opportunities go to the women who believed it was possible and never to those who believed they were held back by their gender. In one year I was offered a position I had lamented ever receiving and a 64% raise. I did not apply for the position, they contacted me -- after I changed my belief about what I was ready for and worth. Later I set up a call to speak with a lady who was on several boards. The purpose of my call was to pick her brain about steps I could take to "someday" be ready to sit on a board. I did not believe I was "ready." During the conversation, this person who I held in great esteem, told me she believed I was ready and the conversation turned to one about how to get your first seat on a board. I was so pumped after that call. I fully believed I was ready. I was busy and took no action over the next few weeks and then, I was laid off. When they changed their mind and wanted to retain me I was able to get a seat on the board. I would never have asked for that if I had not had the belief that I was ready. I would not have had the belief that I was ready if I had not first had the belief that someday I might be board material and set up the call that improved my belief on the topic.
Three years after I began learning about this (and I did not read one book, I have two book cases over six feet tall, filled with books that run the gamut from religion (many types), spirituality, positive psychology, quantum physics, resilience, various practices -- such as mindfulness and more. There are so many books that contain false and mis-leading information -- a single book is woefully inadequate. I understand from some of the posts that reading is a problem for some so studying (I did not just read - I studied) might be difficult. My apologies, I digressed, three years after I began learning about and applying this information I was leaving Dubai with a 4 year old passport. I thought they were not going to let me out of the country. They accused me of using my Mom's passport -- the change in my appearance was that striking. I had to get a new passport earlier this year and I wrote a letter and sent it with my new photo to attempt to explain why I look younger now than I did in the old passport photo. I literally feel 14 years younger than I did 14 years ago.
I have pointed out in many of the posts in this thread things people have understood from some of the books that do not understand the science behind much of this that are not beneficial.
An understanding that your brain filters information you receive in your conscious mind based on your beliefs, expectations, emotional stance (usual emotional set point) and your focus is really the first step. It is pretty easy to see, if you talk to people with different types of lives, that this plays out -- I will refer again to my post regarding my beliefs about the men in my life and to the one about the type of position I could obtain at work. If an area of life is not going well (don't think about the illness -- look at relationships, finances, career, hobbies, food -- people have billions of differing beliefs about food, and recreation, or respect. Respect is a fun one to play with. I sometimes have students get up one day and put themselves in a mindset of having their bank account cleaned out by the partner that just dumped them (I add in some more details) and then go out wearing that sort of attitude and see how the world treats you -- see the people who don't even see you, the people who don't politely hold the door open, go pretend you are going to buy a car with that demeanor, etc. Play with it but keep that attitude on for a few hours. Then, the next weekend, do the opposite, pretend you are famous and well loved, fabulously wealthy and very altruistic and kind and loving and important. Then go out and see how people treat you as you repeat the places you went the prior weekend. The difference is amazing. A different person showed up and the world treated the person the way the person presented them self. So if an individual believes people do not and won't respect him or her, unless the other person has a very strong belief in treating everyone with respect, a stronger belief than the person who expects not to be treated with respect, the person will get what they expect with regard to respect. On the science side a review of the literature on mirror neurons adds interesting aspects to this topic.
Again, I am not saying that if you do not feel respected you are to blame in a "let's point the finger" sort of way. If that has been your experience, your belief could have sprung from many (or multiple) sources. I am saying that if such a belief exists, if you work to change your belief. Perhaps at first saying "some people treat me with respect" and then perhaps adding "a lot of people would like to treat me with respect" and gradually moving toward a belief that you are respected and that others naturally show you respect -- or at least in that direction. We have all seen those individuals who demand respect, not out of blustering but out of a quite assurance they project. I enjoy people watching and it is interesting to watch the different ways waiters and waitresses treat customers. I like to observe people as they come in and guess how things will go and then watch. I have increased my ability to accurately estimate things. For example, years ago it was always the man who the check was given to in a restaurant. Today it is not always the man. A really astute waitress, if watched over a period of time will give the check to the man or woman with seeming randomness but if you watch closely you will see that she almost always gives it to the one who actually pays the bill. You can hear she is not asking. She has read the people and the relationship and is probably not even conscious of doing so. She just feels on some level which one she should give it to and does so.
