Oh shit. I just accidently ODed on my drugs

[Esther12]

I cant see how knowing that they view me as a high risk person of suicide who has ODed on purpose twice in the past, how that wont affect what he now gives me. (and that is why Im so upset now.. all I want is the same treatment opportunities others have).

You could be right. I really don't know. It shouldn't be that your CFS will want to cut off any treatment opportunities for you, but it doesn't surprise me that things like this can complicate medical relationships. Maybe your CFS doctor will be great, and really understanding? It's not worth worrying about the problems that could occur at some point in the future now though, and I agree with Calathea that it would be a good idea to take some time to relax and do something pleasurable.

Sometimes these sorts of slip ups just happen, and have to be accepted as a part of life. I'm still hopeful that it won't lead to any real problems for you. Fingers-crossed it will all work out fine for you, and you'll be able to look back on this with a sense of relief.

 

[taniaaust1]

Tania,

I am really glad you are home and safe. That drip was probably saline and a good idea with autonomic dysfunction.

Yeah. I thought it was probably saline too.. they had so many monitors and leads coming off of me that I couldnt sit up to look at what it was so assumed it was saline. I was happy about getting it as Im fairly sure i have a low blood volume, so didnt get cranky with them when they werent listening to me about the low BP showing up and the tachycardia I had was normal to me and part of the ME.

Actually my BP wasnt even close to its normal lowest at the time so I felt like they put on a fuss over it...funny how when we are concerned about something we arent listened to..but when they see things we arent that worried about, they are concerned.

When my BP was lower another time I was in hospital, it was ignored and they kept doing my BP over and over not believing it...till they managed to get a more normal reading to put in their notes. (by that time I was sick of it having the pressure thing going up so many times on my arm.. so that probably send my BP up a little).
I havent got any complaints about treatment in hospital this time.

Any chance you could trust your new specialist and just tell him about your history and trust that he would understand?

yeah im going to have to just be postive about it I think in the meantime till I know. The way I see it now, seeing it is mostly likely he already does know due to hospital ringing someone.. its going to be best for me to bring it up with him right away and see his response.

I went to a sleep specialist and he gave me amitriptaline but only 10 mg. He said it was only effective for sleep at a very low dose.
I don't know if other sleep docs agree with that but it did work.

That is a normal sleep dose to start with. My specialist I think started me at that and from there he raised it to 20mg and so on. Thing is it didnt work for me at the low dose.. so it ended up being raised slowly to the maximum dose he allows for sleep issues ..50mg and it looks that that level may not help me to get to sleep either.

Later I took ambien, but still had sleep problems, waking frequently and never getting enough or refreshing sleep. Then I started LDN and after I got up to (over several months) about 3.5 mg, my sleep improved hugely and that has continued. We all respond differently but some others have found the same about LDN even though it often gives insomnia at the beginning. Now I sleep as long as I need to and wake up feeling rested.

I wonder if my specialist will suggest for me to try one of those next. I havent tried those two.

 

[taniaaust1]

You could be right. I really don't know. It shouldn't be that your CFS will want to cut off any treatment opportunities for you, but it doesn't surprise me that things like this can complicate medical relationships. Maybe your CFS doctor will be great, and really understanding? It's not worth worrying about the problems that could occur at some point in the future now though, and I agree with Calathea that it would be a good idea to take some time to relax and do something pleasurable.

Sometimes these sorts of slip ups just happen, and have to be accepted as a part of life. I'm still hopeful that it won't lead to any real problems for you. Fingers-crossed it will all work out fine for you, and you'll be able to look back on this with a sense of relief.

thanks for that.
.. im just going to be happy and not try to not worry about things which havent happened yet.

 

[taniaaust1]

Do you feel the need to talk to people? You could try the chat room here, or I assume there must be helplines you can ring in Australia, the equivalent of the Samaritans, mental health support sort of thing. Blurt it out, write it down if need be, get it out of your system for tonight, and shut the door on it.

***hugz*** Im fine now. Ive had bad experiences in past with the helplines suggesting stupid things to me.. eg go exercise, or go for a walk and that will cheer you up. Which has then resulted me in bawling... I hate to be reminded of all the things I cant do due to the ME esp when Im already in a bad emotional state.

This poor lady one day on one the help lines.. the first 3 things she suggested I do were ones I arent capable of.. so she had me crying much more. Incidents like that have stopped me from using them.. the last thing I need is to have someone telling me to do things I cant do when Im already in a bad way.

I once was left even more suicidal after ringing a help line due to the not suitable things said to me .... our situations with this illness and what we experience throu it are very different to other peoples.

ME/CFS people are the only ones who have a good idea of what not to say to me when Im upset.

f you have any techniques or meds for anxiety, now would be a good time to tackle them.

that may of been a good idea before when I was freaking out. You probably didnt see my posts or forgot... my anxiety meds went missing when my boyfriend was looking after them for me a couple of weeks ago, so I dont have any of them no more.. umm I cant remember if he found them or not in the end. (I dont often need them but I could of done with one just before, it was the kind of situation I had them for.. when Im spiraling out of control emotionally).

Distraction is often good, I find, e.g. watching silly TV, reading a silly website, or come to that a cute website with pictures of baby otters or what have you.

yeah .. I was trying to distract myself by typing the emotions out here. It worked.. Im good now

When Im really upset like I was earlier.. just looking at something whether its the tv or looking at something else, dont seem to work for me. I cant concentrate on tv or music when upset. I got to do something active but also have it holding my attention in a strong way.. typing is an active thing for me. Typing on a forum when upset.. also makes one feel like someone is hearing you.. like having someone to talk to. It stops me acting out in other ways.

(sorry to anyone who hated me expressing my emotions like I did earlier)

We all care about you. You're not alone, hon.

Thanks..

After 5.30am here so Im going to get off computer, take some pills to get to sleep. In 45min-1hr I should be asleep... sleeping is a huge relief.

Someone is coming to take me shopping today so I may not get much sleep.

 

[Ocean]

Glad your ok, but this line made me laugh - its exactly what I would be thinking - i bet those bast*rds dont credit my death to ME. Final nail in the coffin...litterally.
.

I have had the same morbid thought!

 

[heapsreal]

Tania, re the letter: I probably shouldn't say this either, but what level of forgery are we talking about? Was the old doctor actually addressed on it, or just CC'd? Come to that, was the old doctor's address put on there, or just a name? Because if it's just a name, and it's a separate surgery, and there's no reason for your current GP to contact that doctor, then I would assume that they would completely ignore it. Providing, of course, that the letter doesn't say, "We recommend you contact this lady's former GP, who is Dr X and lives at Y address," but I'm guessing that it doesn't.

If your GP has noticed that your records are incomplete and is going to search for the older ones, you can't stop them. However, if you have a fair amount of contact with your GP, then your records are probably so thick that you could lose most of them when going to a new doctor and still not be spotted!

The "benzos can't do any harm" thing: the problem is that if you develop a tolerance for them, which is very common with benzos, then you can end up back to where you were before in terms of insomnia *and* hooked on an addictive drug which is hellish to come off. I spent a few months on gabapentin, actually for pain though it mainly helped my sleep, and it was an absolute nightmare to come off. I've been off it several months now and my sleep isn't back to usual yet. And I had just had several straight years of fantastic sleep due to the darkness therapy, so I am really irritated about this. I would never have dreamed of trying something so addictive if I had been warned. It's probably still less addictive than a benzodiazepine. I would be really careful there, although I realise that your options in this respect are crap.

The amitriptyline was a reasonable thing to try, don't beat yourself up about it. You may be able to find ways of making your access to meds safer, so that you don't have to worry so much about the risk of doing this kind of thing again. And incidentally, I think most of us have done something similar. I've had a few occasions where I've taken the wrong meds, e.g. co-codamol instead of co-dydramol, and not realised until a long time afterwards. Thankfully it didn't cause anything serious, but it made me horribly aware of what could happen if I did that with, say, a high dose sleeping tablet by mistake.

calathea, i think there are ways to avoid drug tolerence. I think tolerence occurrs because people and or their docs keep someone on the same drug and keep increasing the dose of these meds. I believe that by alternating different meds for sleep that this tolerence can be avoided as well as dosage escilation, this has been my experience and my dosages have never increased to insane levels, they have actually come down of late. I just dont think there are many alternatives out there for sleep, i also think that people need to realise that if you need more then 2 pills to get to sleep then you need to realise a tolerence is occurring and back off, use antihistamines for awhile etc I think there are safe ways to use these meds for chronic insomnia but most docs arent trained to use them more then a few weeks.

 

[alex3619]

Hi Tania, if it helps to vent or discuss your situation here I think many of us are happy for you to do so. Or you can get someone on chat and talk about it in private chat - me if I am around, or probably many others. Whatever helps. I am glad you are doing better now and I hope things improve for you. Best wishes, Alex

 

[Calathea]

Heaps - perhaps, but it's still a difficult situation, and as you say, most doctors are absolutely clueless and will happily leave you with a massive addiction problem. We really need to set up a post about how to use addictive meds safely and responsibly, and how to withdraw from them when required.

Tania - how are you doing today, pet? Did you get a decent night's sleep in the end?

 

[heapsreal]

Heaps - perhaps, but it's still a difficult situation, and as you say, most doctors are absolutely clueless and will happily leave you with a massive addiction problem. We really need to set up a post about how to use addictive meds safely and responsibly, and how to withdraw from them when required.

Tania - how are you doing today, pet? Did you get a decent night's sleep in the end?

I agree Calathea, i think treating sleep problems can greatly improve cfs/me symptoms. Maybe we could set something up on responsible use of benzos for chronic sleep eg limiting the top dose one would use and not go above this, time to change to somethingelse or just stop for a few days. Maybe use benzos every second or third night?? And then info for when people want to withdraw from meds, hopefully if they have followed advice of not continuously increasing benzo doses, then when time comes to withdraw, then they will be at a much lower dose then many poor buggers trying the same thing. The lower starting dose the easier and quicker withdrawals too. I think withdrawing from benzo's is just one option, the other is shown how to use them responsibly as many cfs/me need treatments like these longterm and need to know how to use them properly.

cheers!!!

 

[Little Bluestem]

Im now wondering if I should just be content with just staying on the benzos and what I do now.

If it is working, I would not change it.

 

[Little Bluestem]

Im also trying to take less benzos..so not using something which could bring me relief and would make me sleep.

This strikes me as bad timing. Shouldn't you discuss any change in medication with your doctor, anyway.

 

[taniaaust1]

Heaps - perhaps, but it's still a difficult situation, and as you say, most doctors are absolutely clueless and will happily leave you with a massive addiction problem. We really need to set up a post about how to use addictive meds safely and responsibly, and how to withdraw from them when required.

Tania - how are you doing today, pet? Did you get a decent night's sleep in the end?

Got to have some hours sleep that night before shopping, using the Temazapam.

Im doing emotionally good now Catathea... Im choosing not to worry about the situation.

I know thou Im going to freak out the day of my specialist appointment over it thou as it will be that day I'll get to find out what conquences all this has had). Fortunately that will be when my boyfriend will be back from his trip, so he will be around to give me the emotional support when I will need it.

Fingers crossed it wont change how my specialist treats me.
....

Thanks Alex

 

[taniaaust1]

I have had the same morbid thought!

lol snowathlete..and Ocean.

 

[taniaaust1]

I agree Calathea, i think treating sleep problems can greatly improve cfs/me symptoms. Maybe we could set something up on responsible use of benzos for chronic sleep eg limiting the top dose one would use and not go above this, time to change to somethingelse or just stop for a few days. Maybe use benzos every second or third night?? And then info for when people want to withdraw from meds, hopefully if they have followed advice of not continuously increasing benzo doses.

heapsreal. I think that is a great idea for someone to set up a thread like that for drugs for sleep. Maybe also set it up as things to try first, things to try second and last resort things eg addictive meds... all depending on how safe the med is.

It would be great to have all the meds/supplements which could improve ones sleep listed.. along with a possible plan which could be followed (I think it should also be noted by the med.. what kind of sleep issues it is best for eg putting one to sleep or helping one to stay asleep etc)

I know we arent doctors, but among us all there must be 100s of years experience using various sleep meds and i think that a consensus on what is best way to go about dealing with sleep issues .. could be reached.

 

[taniaaust1]

If it is working, I would not change it.

I cant use too much as I already once developed a tolerance to them so hence Im trying to keep usage down, as I dont want to develop another tolerance (as my doc wont allow me to have more if I do.. he's put 15mg Temazepam as the limit I can take too and only that at 2 times per week.. 3 at the very max but he dont really want me taking that much).

Im desperately looking for something else to work to add to my sleep mix so Im less likely to develop a tollerance. Hence all the drug trialing Im constantly doing.

i think treating sleep problems can greatly improve cfs/me symptoms.

I think not having ME/CFS sleep problems treated can help lead to depression and anxiety... also I know my concentration and mind and memory issues are worst if Im not sleeping.

Lack of sleep would also make one less tolerant to pain. All that makes addressing sleep issues in some way, very important. (my CFS specialist sees it as one of the most important things to treat first).

Those with ME/CFS arent like people who ONLY have insomina to worry about, the whole sleep issue not treated makes MANY of our other symptoms worst. It has potential also to worsen the whole ME/CFS as stress can worsen it... not sleeping is very stressful

 

[taniaaust1]

This strikes me as bad timing. Shouldn't you discuss any change in medication with your doctor, anyway.

My doctor has some rules on things eg what amounts of certain meds Im allowed to go up to and how often I can take certain ones... but basically what medicine, and in which combos I choose to take each night for sleep, is up to me.

How slowly or how rapidly (up to a set amount) I trial a prescribed med, doctor leaves up to me too.

My symptoms are far to variable for doctor to have a set amount for me daily. eg when I crash and swing into hypersomina, I then dont take any sleep med.

My meds are always based on what symptoms Im getting and how bad those symptoms are at the time. Nearly all my prescrition meds are prescribed on "as needed" grounds. eg the pain meds, the anti-nausea med and the sleep meds.

 

[Little Bluestem]

I cant use too much as I already once developed a tolerance to them so hence Im trying to keep usage down, as I dont want to develop another tolerance (as my doc wont allow me to have more if I do.. he's put 15mg Temazepam as the limit I can take too and only that at 2 times per week.. 3 at the very max but he dont really want me taking that much).

Im desperately looking for something else to work to add to my sleep mix so Im less likely to develop a tollerance. Hence all the drug trialing Im constantly doing.

Sorry, I misunderstood and thought that your medications were working but you were worried about criticism from other board members. Ditto for my following reply. Listen to your doctor, not people on the board, including me.

 

[brenda]

Hi Tania

Hope you get your sleep problem sorted. Taking vitamin B2 did it for me after years of severe insomnia but I`m not on any medications and dont know how that will be affected I do know that addressing a common deficiency has made things a lot worse because of a kind of rebooting of the system so dosage is important - low and slow.

As for amitriptylline I was on it for just over a year due to PND and was left with bladder damage.

 

[taniaaust1]

Sorry, I misunderstood and thought that your medications were working but you were worried about criticism from other board members. Ditto for my following reply. Listen to your doctor, not people on the board, including me.

you didnt misunderstand.. the others are working (just not the amitriptyline)... Im just concerned over them and how much some go on about them has added to the fears I already had of them so making me try to avoid them more.. but then I cant sleep and everything gets a lot worst for me including my emotional state.

its a catch 22.

thank you for the post.

 

[taniaaust1]

Hi Tania

Hope you get your sleep problem sorted. Taking vitamin B2 did it for me after years of severe insomnia but I`m not on any medications and dont know how that will be affected I do know that addressing a common deficiency has made things a lot worse because of a kind of rebooting of the system so dosage is important - low and slow.

As for amitriptylline I was on it for just over a year due to PND and was left with bladder damage.

Sorry to hear that the amitriplyline left you with bladder damage.
Im currently suspecting it has put my ME into a slow decline which is quite bad as my base line is already quite low.

It seems there arent many safe meds for us. We are taking risks with whatever we try.

Someone else mentioned B2 for sleep to me today too.. so I think I will try that next.