Tania, re the letter: I probably shouldn't say this either, but what level of forgery are we talking about? Was the old doctor actually addressed on it, or just CC'd? Come to that, was the old doctor's address put on there, or just a name?
Its just his name.. the letter starts off .. Dear (and then has my old doctors name on it). IIt would be easy just to scan it and wipe just the name out and leave it blank after the "Dear"
there's no reason for your current GP to contact that doctor, then I would assume that they would completely ignore it.
Its the normal practice for someone who goes to a new GP to have their previous medical history sent from their other doctor. So there is a great chance if she saw my other doctors names and then may want to get all my medical notes from him...possibly the same with the CFS specialist who is overseeing things and being the main one.
Ive got away with not having things transfered as my GP is working under a lot of specialists I see so any queries, she can direct her query to one of my specialists if she didnt trust me.
I myself keep copies of all my test results so also are able to provide any lab result to her she wishes.. as I had so many different specialists etc.. no doctor was able to keep up with things anyway, there was always tests missing, no one was managing to properly coordinate it all together, so I now keep it all myself (and give copies to whatever specialist wants something when they ask about certain tests).
I have two folders full of my lab results (and of course all that is checkable with the labs.. I know that as one of my specialists one time did ring lab for results after I'd already provided him with a copy of lab tests).
Looking at this letter further.. I dont think I will give it to my doctor or specialist. I would of felt okay.. with maybe just removing a doctors name but dont feel okay about changing any content of the actual letter even if that just means removing a paragraph from it.
I just saw the hospital has written on the bottom of the letter "Considering she has had a previous overdose history and is high risk, I discussed to her GP."
oh crap that means the hospital rang one of my doctors, I wonder who they rang... my ex doctor but that wouldnt make sense as he's the one the letter is addressed too or the one who prescribed me the pills who is my new ME/CFS specialist ....sounds like it must of been him. ***sighs*** so now he knows my suicidal history and that the city hospital thinks Im a high risk patient.
This may interfere with me getting ME/CFS treatment in future.. I now sooooo regret calling the ambulance. I probably would of been better off just risking the OD myself.
Im really not happy about this.. I tried so hard to start a new with things and now very possibly.. crap if this has interfered with me getting treatment or starts my new ME/CFS doctor on focusing on psych stuff ..Im now going to be looking for a new ME/CFS yet specialist again.. and there are none other good ones in this state.
***i really feel like crying now.. it took me so long to get into this specialist (3 whole years) and now due to this accident .. getting my ME/CFS treated like most do may be ruined****
I will not emotionally handle well any doctor not trying to treat my symptoms with drugs (I went throu that for over 10 years) and just leaving me to suffer, like the others did untreated cause they wont use drugs with me.
Ive been so good for ages.. so happy since just before xmas when i got these new doctors but now suddenly starting to feel like cutting now, its slamming all the past stuff and what past doctors did to me in my face. I dont know if I can deal with doctors not treating my symptoms again.. (im running on very little sleep right now and locking emotions inside and NOW do feel a little bit like self harming... why couldnt the doctors just be open to me... all my past is slaming back...
My boyfriend told me how proud he'd been about how well I'd dealt with having to ring ambulance and going to hospital and that..but now Im starting to be a mess. Its triggering off too much old stuff and too much past bad treatment.
I wish I know what doctor the hospital has rung and IF it is my new ME/CFS specialist.. will that now alter how he treats me and have him holding back from giving me certain meds which could help the ME/CFS?
Its going to be more then 3 weeks till I know, as boyfriend left on his cruise today so I have no way to get to my specialist to find out.... so Im going to be stressed out over this for the next 3 years. ..emotionally I cant afford to loose a doctor who was trying to help the ME/CFS. What's happened couldnt have happened at a worst time with my boyfriend away.
I would of told my new specialist of my past but only after he'd got to know me a bit and I'd built up trust with him. The hospital shouldnt have rang the doctor who prescribed the pills as its now probably ruined everything for me.. and Yes ..now I will be emotionally affected by things.
****feeling so upset I rang the ambulance..as its probably ruined everything for me***** (urge to self harm is passing.. Ive thrown my emotion into this message and rave).
The best thing I can do for myself right now is as to burn this letter to doctor that has upset me so much.. and try mentally block the whole thing out and try to block out completely that it appears the hospital has rang my specialist. To not block this may cause big issues to me.
My referal to my psychologist ran out last year so I cant try to book an appointment with her while boyfriend is away. I could right now really do with talking to her about how I feel about this and my fears that I may now get poor doctor treatment due to it.
I probably WILL end up suicidal again if the doctor starts withdrawing my treatments due to it or now not helping me so much. (I'll be quietly observing him now when I go next and paranoid he's going to betray me.. by betray I mean emotionally hurt me throu his response to this. I NEED my doctor to trust me so that I can trust him in return.
I now feel like things are so f*cked up ***crying cause why did i have to confuse my meds and cause this mess** Im having a lot of trouble setting down..I need to know who the hospital rang. I need to be peaceful with my doctor situation again.
Im angry and upset and worried if i dont settle down soon over this... I may worsen the situation for myself. ***wondering if the hospital could tell me who they rang if I rang them.. .bet thou they probably wouldnt speak to me***
Wishing the medical system was wiser and understand that doing something behind patients backs stirs people up and causing someone not to trust them even more but the medical system is so darn stupid it will never realise that. I
t will never realise either the harm they are doing by depriving people of help they need and how that ends up making us feel... I was left to die, my children should of never been left to be my carers cause no one would try to help me. I dont think Im going to ever forgive what was done to me in the past by them and the withholding of drugs which would of eased my ME/CFS symptoms as I said to the assessor from the disability services.. you just wouldnt treat a dog like that, Ive been treated worst then a dog. (I just want to scream how much I hate them). Im not going to handle things if this has changed the way my new doctor is with me.
I hope no one here NEVER gets me to call an ambulance ever again. I do not want to go throu what Im going throu right now again... all the stress and worry this is giving me. I need to have my past separated from now.. I needed a fresh start and was getting that.. this has swing me back into my past and could seriously affect my ME/CFS treatment... and seriously.. I often think I'd rather be dead then none of my symptoms trying to be helped again and doctors just treating me like a nut case (it hurts so much when doctors do that.. I never want to be in that position again).
It had been a massive relief to be being treated decently and how all of us should be. I couldnt bear it if that has been lost. Ive had 3mths of decent doctor treatment..first time in the 14 years Ive had this illness.. I cant bear thought of loosing that.
Its doctors thinking Im a mental case and badly treating me due to that by ignoral of ME which ends up sending me in that emotional breakdown direction. My fears of that bad doctor treatment due to the past are MASSIVE. It sucks so much that poor doctors treatment has given me this fear which can be stirred up quite easily if set off.
***currently drained of all emotion now due to my rant .. better way to be then wanting to hurt myself and angry and upset at same time*** Im okay now (till I guess I start thinking about this too much again.. this is going to be a big emotional trigger point to me, till I can find out if its affected how my specialist will treat me.. what I'd call "bad" now or not)
.... it sucks so much boyfriend is away cruising for next 3 weeks as otherwise I'd get him to take me to my ME/CFS specialist.. spill all the beans and my fears.. and see how he reacts to the news and see if its done any damage to how he's going to treat me. (I'll be going throu now 3 weeks of hell at times over this till I know)
Ive calmed down now.. now not getting any stupid thoughts and feeling calm. I did come close to cutting myself (as it helps me to calm down) but didnt.
My emotional reaction I think is also being triggered by the lack of sleep Ive had.. its 4am right now..so Im going throu a second night of no sleep at all.. its going to be a case of me only having 3 hrs sleep (that nap) in 48hrs. I dont emotionally function well with no sleep.
Im also trying to take less benzos..so not using something which could bring me relief and would make me sleep.