I am 24 and don't plan to date for the foreseeable future. My 4 year relationship ended in April of this year because of his own reasons that had nothing to do with me. My heart was broken because it was unexpected and very upsetting, but I don't need to go into it. It was nice because he was a low energy person too and was often tired a lot for whatever reason, so we spent a lot of time lying on the couch watching movies. We saw each other once a week since it was somewhat long distance, so it was do-able for me. We are still good friends and talk every day so fortunately I still have some support there. I hope one day we can possibly try a relationship again as he's a good person and I'll always love him.
I definitely feel better emotionally when I'm in a relationship, less depressed. Just feeling cared for and loved does a lot for the soul and happiness. I've thought of seeing a therapist because I know it's wrong to depend on someone for your emotional well-being. And I have a lot of insecurities from this disease that I need to work on, but it's hard, as I'm sure you all know.
I'm a little jealous of you all that have managed to find great supportive significant others. I am okay being alone now but if I get to a point where I'm feeling a little better and feel ready to date again, the process seems so terrifying. Especially with my generation where the hook-up culture and cheating is so prevalent. I am 'old fashioned' and need loyalty and commitment.
But the cons far outweigh the pros for me. I don't want to go through the pain of another heartbreak or waste my time and what little energy I have. I can't be in a 'normal' relationship now and go out multiple days a week (once is ideal). Could I push myself and do that? Sure, but I'd crash hard and my health would be much worse. I can hardly hold a conversation and struggle with word finding most of the time-I feel stupid. Socializing exhausts me. I don't know of many people that would be okay with doing most of the talking and doing mainly sedentary activities most of the time.
Something I'm struggling with lately though is the feeling of wasting my life from this disease, especially my youth, and I sometimes wonder if being in a relationships negates that feeling a little bit. My days are definitely more monotonous now and blend together. But it is easier in that now I'm able to rest seven days a week instead of six. Even the little things, like I used to spend a lot of time doing my makeup because I always wanted to look good for him.
But sometimes I just wish there was someone to take care of me and gently push me to do more, within my limits. Just hug me every once in a while and tell me everything will be okay. This has taken so much from me and I feel like I've lost who I am. I have hope that there will be better days in the future though.