Who to talk to?

[Shoshana]

@confetti11

It is nice interacting with you. You are sensible and clear. And interested in making good decisions. And you appreciate others' efforts too. And you are considerate. Many nice qualities.

I was thinking that even though your counselor has been terrific, in the past, she was not recently.

SO, either she was having a bad day, OR if it continues, then I would conclude , that for whatever her personal reasons are, she might no longer be able to do a good job .
(That would NOT be your fault!!!!)

And even though you appreciate what she has done for you, in the past, you might like a new counselor. I know the continuity would be preferable. However, if she has had a change in her own life, and therefore can no longer be attentive to others, then you do deserve someone who could be a better one for you, now.


And yes, that number Diwi gave, is what I was trying to think of. Thank you @Diwi9 .

I have thought of trying it sometime, too.
My first challenge, is to figure out the time difference.

My 2nd one, if I wanted to use it, myself, is that my phone only does local.
SO would that access code work on it?
It is a landline, not a cellphone.
Because cell phones cut off, around here. Way too often for those phones to be supportive, helpful or polite.

The cellphones, that is, are rude, around my area.


By the way, Confetti, don't worry whenever you need to go, just go, and come back whenever is convenient for you.
NO pressure to respond to our messages quickly.
We all leave and come back. NO one minds. But that was nice of you to say.

Plus, remember, if you don't have time or stamina, or if you don't feel well enough, to answer in words or sentences, you can just press "like" so people will know then,that you saw and appreciated their post.

See? You might end up enjoying being part of our friendly group. IN addition to whatever else you do for yourself.

 

[Stretched]

Hello, I'm unfortunately in a backslide lately and have almost no one to talk to. I'm single and my mom and dad both died last year, and I've lost most of my friends over the years from the stress of chronic illness. I have a counselor but I can only afford so much of that and lately, I can tell she even tires of hearing about the stresses of chronic illness. I can tell that I physically feel better when I don't feel so alone, but I have no idea where to find someone to just talk to, cry to about how hard and painful this is. And scary. Are there any resources out there? I do better speaking to someone versus emailing or texting. Sometimes those modes of communication make me feel even more alone because I can't really express myself in real time. Thanks.

Why not give AA or NA a try. The isolation dynamics of living addicted are very similar to those of CFS isolation.

You can call either group center (in tele directory) and anonymously ask for a group meeting location in your area. (Believe me, they are everywhere and they branch out to other nearby groups, so ostensibly you could attend one every day at your choice of times.). You can request non-theology or religious. Just use your first name or a pseudonym and tell it like it is. In reality, it's group therapy and it's all volitional - no pressures.

You'll find all sorts of caring people that look and act just like you,~) and are wanting to interact and listen - that's why meet! ... Applause to you for acknowledging the universal need for human interaction; it's really the biggest first step! The meetings are easy after you get up the courage to make that first phone call... .

 

[confetti11]

Just to say: you are dealing with so much: this illness AND two bereavements and you are taking the very mature approach of looking for help when you need it.

The Samaritans is not just a suicide line...it is for anyone needing a listener. They have been brilliant for me, when I just needed to talk things through and there was no one in my life that was available.

I agree with the previous comments about your counsellor- if you feel that you are burdening them then they are failing...Don't spend your money on someone who doesn't make you feel good. We have bereavement telephone counselling in uk- maybe that might also be helpful...

Thanks for the comments and ideas!

 

[confetti11]

From my understanding, counselors aren't supposed to necessarily give answers; their jobs is to listen non-judgementally and give suggestions for how to deal with stresses and fears (though the talking in and of itself is a strategy for dealing with it).

Since this last response seems out of character for her because previously she'd always been very supportive, maybe you caught her at a bad moment when something was going on with her and she reacted poorly. Perhaps it wasn't a good time for her to talk to you, but she didn't want to leave you hanging, but also wasn't able to really be there in the right way.

I think that the next time you speak with her, you should still bring this up. Maybe tell her that you appreciate how she always tries to be available to talk with you but the last time felt uncomfortable, that she was dismissive of you. Hopefully, this was a one time thing.

I agree. It was out of character.

 

[confetti11]

http://forums.phoenixrising.me/index.php?threads/skype-companions.49086/#post-808934

I hope this works. I'm not very good with technology these days!

Thanks!

 

[confetti11]

There is a weekly ME/CFS telephone support call. I've done it once and it was great, just a bunch of sufferers and caregivers.
It's on Saturday at 6 p.m. MST.
(712) 770-4700
Enter your Access Code: 915110 followed by # sign.

Thanks for the information. I'll have to give this a try.

 

[confetti11]

@confetti11

It is nice interacting with you. You are sensible and clear. And interested in making good decisions. And you appreciate others' efforts too. And you are considerate. Many nice qualities.

I was thinking that even though your counselor has been terrific, in the past, she was not recently.

SO, either she was having a bad day, OR if it continues, then I would conclude , that for whatever her personal reasons are, she might no longer be able to do a good job .
(That would NOT be your fault!!!!)

And even though you appreciate what she has done for you, in the past, you might like a new counselor. I know the continuity would be preferable. However, if she has had a change in her own life, and therefore can no longer be attentive to others, then you do deserve someone who could be a better one for you, now.


And yes, that number Diwi gave, is what I was trying to think of. Thank you @Diwi9 .

I have thought of trying it sometime, too.
My first challenge, is to figure out the time difference.

My 2nd one, if I wanted to use it, myself, is that my phone only does local.
SO would that access code work on it?
It is a landline, not a cellphone.
Because cell phones cut off, around here. Way too often for those phones to be supportive, helpful or polite.

The cellphones, that is, are rude, around my area.


By the way, Confetti, don't worry whenever you need to go, just go, and come back whenever is convenient for you.
NO pressure to respond to our messages quickly.
We all leave and come back. NO one minds. But that was nice of you to say.

Plus, remember, if you don't have time or stamina, or if you don't feel well enough, to answer in words or sentences, you can just press "like" so people will know then,that you saw and appreciated their post.

See? You might end up enjoying being part of our friendly group. IN addition to whatever else you do for yourself.

Wow, thanks for the nice compliments! I don't hear nice things about myself often. Thanks for all of your help with this topic.

 

[confetti11]

Why not give AA or NA a try. The isolation dynamics of living addicted are very similar to those of CFS isolation.

You can call either group center (in tele directory) and anonymously ask for a group meeting location in your area. (Believe me, they are everywhere and they branch out to other nearby groups, so ostensibly you could attend one every day at your choice of times.). You can request non-theology or religious. Just use your first name or a pseudonym and tell it like it is. In reality, it's group therapy and it's all volitional - no pressures.

You'll find all sorts of caring people that look and act just like you,~) and are wanting to interact and listen - that's why meet! ... Applause to you for acknowledging the universal need for human interaction; it's really the biggest first step! The meetings are easy after you get up the courage to make that first phone call... .

I'm curious if this is a thought or if someone has actually attended one of these groups? I ask because I attended a yoga class once that was for people in recovery (because I really wanted to go to a class at the time it was held and got permission from the owners), and I got a really awkward vibe that I wasn't welcome there because I wasn't an addict. So I was curious if anyone has experienced this.

 

[Jennifer J]

I was going to mention some of this in my earlier post but didn't have the brain power to put it all together.

There's all kinds of AA groups. Maybe you can go to an Al Anon group, ACA or CODA.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_twelve-step_groups

I went to a few many years ago. It was a thinking outside of the box idea. I was fighting for my SSDI, running out of money to live on and stay housed, sick and needed support and help. My friend in N. CA thought I would meet understanding, helpful people there. She did when she was in a similar situation due to a brain tumor. Everyone was very nice and it was fine that I was there for this. 12 steps isn't something I follow. I took what could and I adapted what I could to work for me which is what I think they recommend anyways.

Come to think of it I did go to one AA meeting when I couldn't make it to one of the others. I don't think I felt unwelcomed, maybe a little uncomfortable and that I didn't fit in because I wasn't in recovery or needed it. The other meetings were better for me.

I couldn't continue going cause of health. One of the nice things about it as @Stretched said there are meetings everyday and different times of day so you can go when it's good for you and you only have to share if you want to.

There's also other groups I've heard of through the years that have meetings similar to 12 step but aren't 12 steps. I can't remember the names of them. I went to one with another friend to support them in N. CA. You can google to see if there's anything like that in your area if you prefer that.

 

[Stretched]

I'm curious if this is a thought or if someone has actually attended one of these groups? I ask because I attended a yoga class once that was for people in recovery (because I really wanted to go to a class at the time it was held and got permission from the owners), and I got a really awkward vibe that I wasn't welcome there because I wasn't an addict. So I was curious if anyone has experienced this.

@Jennifer J says it all. I might add, a friend went for over a year, who needed support and empathathic ear after a messy divorce. She couldn't afford counseling. As JJ stated she gave and took what she needed. I believe a call to your directory number would get you in and you would get a feel for it. From there people would give you access to other options. There is no hierarchy - all voluntary.

Unlike the yoga experience there is no level of proficiency to worry about, and it's not cliqueish, as people come and go to/from different meetings for comfort/anxiety relief. She saw people with all kinds of needs not just addiction (which is also isolating)... .

 

[confetti11]

@Stretched
@Jennifer J
Thanks again you guys for your input. I'll look into it, especially when I'm feeling better and as though I could sit through meetings.

Today/tonight is really rough. I would say I miss my mom again, and I do, but it's even bigger than missing my mom. I miss knowing someone was looking out for me, and now no one is.

It's weird, I said out loud to myself tonight, "What do I want to eat?" and I heard my mom speaking. I heard her voice ask me what I wanted to eat in the exact way she said it to me hundreds or thousands of times. Sometimes I hear her tone in my own voice. I cried and cried.

I don't know how you are supposed to make it through an illness like this with no one looking out for you. I know many of us are in this position, but having no where to fall financially too is about to tear me up. It doesn't help that I'm supposed to get a severance check from my work and they haven't sent the paperwork over for it to be processed yet (I have asked and no answer.) I've now gone five weeks with no payday and they know that. My boss also knows that I'm single, have no family, have an illness and was left no inheritance. Yet still no word. I'm living on credit right now waiting for that check. And even when it arrives, I can live about six more weeks on that money and then I'm going into debt again if I don't make enough money to pay my bills. It's so much stress and and pressure that I'm practically despondent.

On the good side, I got through a pretty hard yoga class tonight. I haven't been able to attend that one for probably over a month (I like yoga).

 

[mirshine]

@confetti11 sending you hugs

 

[Binkie4]

@confetti11
So very sorry, and also sending hugs.

Have you considered approaching a religious organisation? I don't know if you are religious. I am mostly not, but I have a family member ( most definitely not religious) who found a great source of help with a difficult issue in a local church minister. He was there for him whenever needed.

Another family member, bereaved when young, found comfort in a bereavement group attached to a church, meeting weekly. Perhaps you could think whether this might help you.


And I am sorry about your financial situation. It sounds so precarious. So much stress. More hugs.

 

[hellytheelephant]

@confetti11
So very sorry, and also sending hugs.

Have you considered approaching a religious organisation? I don't know if you are religious. I am mostly not, but I have a family member ( most definitely not religious) who found a great source of help with a difficult issue in a local church minister. He was there for him whenever needed.

Another family member, bereaved when young, found comfort in a bereavement group attached to a church, meeting weekly. Perhaps you could think whether this might help you.


Agreed! Ministers are there to help anyone who needs it regardless of the faith of that person. Most of the work a Minister or pastor does is unseen by most people, as it is one to one conversations with people who are struggling. They are used to dealing with bereavement and illness, and at the very least would be able to put you in touch with local groups . Lots of churches have bereavement groups or social groups for different ages.
Don't be afraid to cry. It takes a strong person to let the sadness out and tears are healing.xxxx

 

[Stretched]

Judging by your narrative I' assuming you're age 25-30? The reason you might want to state an age range has to do with legal considerations and whether or not you own any assets.

While we are all sympathetic to your emotional needs, you have practical needs pendinding, e.g. You need to think about legal protection if you're in danger of running out of money. You can go on a legal forum and state your facts, an intro, like here. End by asking for a source of 'pro bono' help in your city. You may just pick up an advocate. Or, you can call your local ABA (bar association) for a referral, given your circumstances. Usually, this goes on a list which is passed around... .

OTOH, there's the business side of your dilemma. If you do own marketable assets you can borrow against them; if you're renting you have some rights before eviction. IOW, you're in a precarious place. You don't want to sink from depression to destitution, unable to act. Reality is, you need a 6 month to one year plan.

No one is likely to knock on your door with an offer to solve your problems. So, your new job is to make a plan on how to survive for the next 3,6,9,12 months, given the information shared and intimated in this thread. I mean, write down a plan as to what you need to do make things happen, beginning next Monday: 1, 2, 3... , goal for each week, followed by what you need to do each day of that week to make that week's goal happen.

If you can get around consider a menial job, even if it's home bound work, though ideally away from the house (apt). There are all sorts of this kind of work, from pet or house sitting to stuffing envelopes. If you're unable to do mindless work then find some group interaction, something from the recommendations already given. The fact is that you need help, NOW! Don't put it off. Sit down, pen in hand and list your top 10 goals; then order them from urgent and important to important but not urgent. You've got to get in a game plan mode - get on the train - you can always change cars later... .

Please keep us apprised as you make this step.

 

[confetti11]

Judging by your narrative I' assuming you're age 25-30? The reason you might want to state an age range has to do with legal considerations and whether or not you own any assets.

While we are all sympathetic to your emotional needs, you have practical needs pendinding, e.g. You need to think about legal protection if you're in danger of running out of money. You can go on a legal forum and state your facts, an intro, like here. End by asking for a source of 'pro bono' help in your city. You may just pick up an advocate. Or, you can call your local ABA (bar association) for a referral, given your circumstances. Usually, this goes on a list which is passed around... .

OTOH, there's the business side of your dilemma. If you do own marketable assets you can borrow against them; if you're renting you have some rights before eviction. IOW, you're in a precarious place. You don't want to sink from depression to destitution, unable to act. Reality is, you need a 6 month to one year plan.

No one is likely to knock on your door with an offer to solve your problems. So, your new job is to make a plan on how to survive for the next 3,6,9,12 months, given the information shared and intimated in this thread. I mean, write down a plan as to what you need to do make things happen, beginning next Monday: 1, 2, 3... , goal for each week, followed by what you need to do each day of that week to make that week's goal happen.

If you can get around consider a menial job, even if it's home bound work, though ideally away from the house (apt). There are all sorts of this kind of work, from pet or house sitting to stuffing envelopes. If you're unable to do mindless work then find some group interaction, something from the recommendations already given. The fact is that you need help, NOW! Don't put it off. Sit down, pen in hand and list your top 10 goals; then order them from urgent and important to important but not urgent. You've got to get in a game plan mode - get on the train - you can always change cars later... .

Please keep us apprised as you make this step.

Hi Stretched, you're very kind to offer such good advice.

I'm actually 46 and just dug myself out of $75,000 in credit card debt. As sad as it is, this is the best place I've been financially in about nine years (in that I actually have a little bit of money after the debt is paid). My previous employer is just about to kill me withholding my last check.

Before I worked for this company for the last 3.5 years, I did tons of odd jobs--some at home, some on the road. I have a real estate license too. My plan is to work these jobs (that will make about half of what I need) and get back into real estate as soon as I'm well enough. It's just pressure to get well enough fast enough to not go back into debt.

I have no assets. 17 years of this hell has precluded me from anything but just being back to zero. But, I avoided bankruptcy four years ago when that's all the advice anyone would give me. And my parents practically went broke getting me treated for this and then left the little bit that was left to my brother. I own my home and I'm not behind, so I don't risk being evicted.

I'm working through the despondency. We'll see how that goes. Today is another hard day.

Thanks again.

 

[Shoshana]

HI @confetti11

I hear your grief, and it is truly so hard....dealing with the losses, and feeling so alone.
And the financial stress on top of it, is so cruel. I am so sorry you have all that, to deal with.

I miss my parents, too.
And you are right, I also miss that feeling. Of having a parent.

I understand what you have been sharing , it overlaps with my own griefs,
and I hope you will stay friends with us.
You are a nice person, who we would like to know.

And I hope something good will happen for you.
Keep us posted.
Shoshana

 

[Shoshana]

@confetti11

I have just re-read your last post, and I realized how strong you are,
and how much you have accomplished.
That is fantastic and amazing, that you avoided bankruptcy and dug out of all that debt. That you managed those jobs.
I want to congratulate you on doing all of that.

I even heard and liked the strength I noticed, in your statements. Today is another hard day. I am working through the despondency.
I do understand how hard that is, and that it sometimes does not FEEL like you are strong, but I see that you are.

Most or all of us, here, have lived through a lot, and shown tremendous inner strength,
even though we felt lost and afraid.

I do hope you will stay and that we can bolster each other, as we continue to face our tremendous daunting obstacles.

Thank you for what you have been sharing, Confetti,
and thank all of you others too.

In sharing, we add to each others strengths.

 

[confetti11]

@confetti11

I have just re-read your last post, and I realized how strong you are,
and how much you have accomplished.
That is fantastic and amazing, that you avoided bankruptcy and dug out of all that debt. That you managed those jobs.
I want to congratulate you on doing all of that.

I even heard and liked the strength I noticed, in your statements. Today is another hard day. I am working through the despondency.
I do understand how hard that is, and that it sometimes does not FEEL like you are strong, but I see that you are.

Most or all of us, here, have lived through a lot, and shown tremendous inner strength,
even though we felt lost and afraid.

I do hope you will stay and that we can bolster each other, as we continue to face our tremendous daunting obstacles.

Thank you for what you have been sharing, Confetti,
and thank all of you others too.

In sharing, we add to each others strengths.

Thanks Shoshana! That's very kind of you to say those things about me. Some days I'm just trying to survive. Waiting for a time that there's more to life than surviving.

 

[Shoshana]

@confetti11

Thank you very much for that feedback, and for that message.

I meant what I said about you. Some days and nights, it is true, that surviving is ALL we can, and are trying to do, and that is very hard to do, just itself. I can see other peoples strengths when they are doing that. It is harder to see my own, when I am. Which is often too. SO I know it is probably hard for you to see yours. Even though they shine through.

It is very good to see you again here. I too, hope for better days, for you. And for myself and others here.


Thanks also to @mirshine , for that "like" and for your wonderful posts and likes all over the forum. They do matter, and are noticed and appreciated. It makes a big difference to me. I saw that amazing post you wrote, that was so compassionate for someone else, that was a difficult post of his, to give ANY answer, yet you did, give a very thoughtful one. And it touched me deeply, about your level of giving. Even on that difficult subject.
Thank you. For being that way. And for being here.

Thanks also to @Jennifer J , for all of your likes, on various peoples posts. They mean a lot to me, and I am sure, to other people too. Thank you for being here, too.