Does anyone else here feel like they are going to snap?
I think most of us can relate to what you're saying. Life seems to be one big contradiction in these days of chronic illness. I have a very special girlfriend who I would love to be spending some time with now that I'm not working. When I DO see her, I feel this amazing rush of love & affection for her. But by the time the get to gether is over, I am feeling emotionally rung out because she's spent most of the time relating her adult children's issues & problems. I'm usually a good listener, but I really want to hear about HER day & HER feelings. I want us to converse about our things.
I love her & her family very much, but somehow, after she's left, I feel so incredibly glad to be alone again.
My tolerance for anything, but mostly people is at an all time low. I am in a serious depression. I can't handle criticism, someones irritability, or just anything. Let's face it; we can't completely live in a bubble. But I honestly feel better with less "chatter" in my life.
I understand your need for less "chatter". Chatter is tiring. I think we need people who understand where we're coming from & understand we need
short bursts of company.
We need friends & family to speak slower, softer. We need uplifting & laughter.
Short bursts of company - sometimes about an hour can be good, sometimes more, sometimes less.
I am sitting here in tears because I have had several people in one week display bad behavior. It's awful when you are alone and you just want a safe harbor and you realize that the only safe harbor is with the doors locked and people banned out.
And if the friendship has run it's course, we need to recognise this & let go & move on with our lives.
I know that a lot of this feeling is coming from how ill I am, but I truly am emotionally drained from feeling like I wish I had people in my life who are loving and nurturing. Instead, I have a family that refuses to want to know, learn or deal with any part of my illness. They never offer to help when I need anything. What I get is a check. A payment. I am grateful for this but a hug or love would be so nice.
It's very hard for family to understand that while financial assistance may be helpful, it's not what being a family is all about. It's about love & compassion. It's an emotional "conversation". It's about meeting each other's needs.
I feel unloved and my self esteem has been hit. It seems that the only way I can gather my composure and self esteem is to not have people in my life. I only have a small few and by that I mean maybe 2 people. That is all I can handle.
It's better to have 2 really good friends, than a hundred acquaintances.
I'm sorry to say, but you have to keep clear of negative people & people who cause you pain & distress. You have to avoid needy people, because in chronic illness, we have become the "needy" ones who need help & reassurance. We just DO NOT have the energy to go to great lengths of supporting others.
Now, having said that,
I feel really uplifted when I can help someone else & be there for them in
their time of need.
..........Just not all the time.
I need "me" time to balance that "you" time out.
I feel better without people. Life is easier. That is such a wrong way to think. Does anyone else feel the same
Yes, life IS easier without those negative people.
Sorry to say it, but it is.
Your life has changed, just as mine has.
And it may be, that no one seems to ever understand your current life.
I guess the thing to do is accept this
new you. But also, if the depression & hormonal changes are serious, one needs to seek some medical help. If the Dr is no help, one needs to seek another opinion.
All I can say is that you have to
hang in there - someday I know you're going to get over this rotten period in your life & start to feel better. The physical pain may hang around for a long time, but the emotional pain will heal one day. I can assure you the despair & pain you feel in your heart will eventually heal, & you will find a new way of living.
Your future life will be different to the way it was before chronic ill health, but
different doesn't have to be a bad thing.
A different life can be a great life.
I still have periods of time when I feel "down" & "sad". But I get through these by knowing from past experience that they will go, & I will get through them, & feel much, much better when they end.
I know I will get through the bad times, because I ALWAYS GET THROUGH THE BAD TIMES.
(Especially now I've got rid of the hormonal stuff that was happening).