Therapy, Living with CFS and Anger

[Misfit Toy]

Over and out people. Much luck to you and thank you for those who understood where I was coming from where I didn't feel like I had to explain myself...which these questions and statements make me feel like I have to explain myself and then you are attacking me when you don't like my answer. NIELK. You asked if anyone did anything on here to justify my feelings? A BIG FAT...YES. If someone sends me a personal email on PR telling me they are not sure why I am on here if I can work...YES..that pisses me off! What do you know. Read all that I wrote. I am done explaining.

I never called any "one" out or said, you, Nielk were a problem. But for some reason, you are taking that on and saying that I am attacking "us." I will not ask why. That would be going into your psychology.

You see, if I see something that someone says on a post and I don't like it; I just keep walking and I guess some feel the need to keep it going. So I will stop it for you and not come back. This thread is done...unless you keep on talking. As I said in my post, I am on Medrol and very sick. I am not well. But, you are not hearing that.

I am done with PR. I think this place is a great place to connect with many people, like you Jen, and Mary Poppins and so many of the people that I have kept a friendship with whether on PR, or not.

I am a blunt person, I don't hide my opinions and I am actually glad to be that way. I never singled one person out and I am sure a few people on here have seen what I have been talking about on here, how people can become touchy and not even on this post. People have left this place for that very reason.

Jen, I thank you. I called Dr. Gotlieb and will be waiting for a return call.

Best of luck to you all.

 

[Mary Poppins]

Spitfire, did you receive a PM from a member that was bullying and disrespectful in nature? That's unacceptable. Did you report it to the Moderation team?

 

[jenbooks]

I don't think she's bitter, Nielk. She's just outspoken. She always was. It's refreshing.

 

[Undisclosed]

Moderators Note.

It seems this thread has evolved into some personal attacks. Please refrain from directing your comments at specific members and return to the topic of the thread.

Thank you.

Kina.

 

[Gavman]

The Spitfire,

Anger is a natural emotion and part of life. Emotions apparently should go like a rollercoaster, sometimes angry, then it abates. The bad part is when it doesn't abate, when it gets stuck on a high and loops. I think the loops are thoughts or learnt behavior to keep the anger fueled. Living and expressing the 'bad' emotions like anger is an important part not just in CFS but in life. Its ok to let ourselves go and yell and scream and rant and rave. I like a journal or to bury my head in a pillow, or to see a therapist. I like the outside use of a therapist sometimes when i'm stuck. Feel free to tell your therapist he/she is making you stuck and if it continues where you don't feel supported, try someone else.

Energy gets sapped with hidden emotions too. You are allowed your anger.

Hope this helps,
Gavin

 

[Mary Poppins]

Anger is also linked with grief - we're all grieving the loss of something here - be it health, income, support, social connections, respect...the list of loss is endless.

 

[Ember]

You are allowed your anger.

Illness robs me of my anger. It's one of the losses I associate with ME. In Osler's Web, Hillary Johnson quotes a dispirited Dan Peterson as saying in 1995, I'm not sure the momentum is there from the patients. If I had a disease that was totally disabling, I would be much more angry and aggressive than most of the patients I know.

 

[silicon]

I know that Dr. Peterson has said some insensitive things to patients in years past...I'm hoping that he has mellowed somewhat as the years have passed...I've heard some recent indications of both his empathy, as well as his arrogance...I guess like many people, he is a mixed bag, although definitely one of the most knowledgeable and experienced regarding our illness.

Whenever someone says they would do such-and-such if they were in our shoes, I take it as a total projection, and a lack of empathy...and I would like to tell them not to judge anyone until they have walked a mile in their shoes...

 

[svetoslav80]

I also suffer a huge dose of anger, anxiety and depression. A weird combination, but at the end I think these are actually one and the same condition. I meditate on anger for a long time and I never found relief - maybe it's not possible to get rid of anger? I'm also against taking any kind of psychotropic pills for these conditions.

 

[*GG*]

Anger is also linked with grief - we're all grieving the loss of something here - be it health, income, support, social connections, respect...the list of loss is endless.

yes, health, income, social connections...former self.

GG

 

[*GG*]

It's kind of hard to be aggressive when you're just struggling to get through each day and barely making it much of the time. Not a very empathetic comment from the doctor in my opinion. And I think it's hard for anyone to know how they'd react till they've been in the situation themselves. It's easy to say what you'd do or not do when you've never actually had to face that situation.

Yes, I agree with your last sentences. Perhaps since the Dr has been on the front lines since the beggining in the US, he has "shielded" himself somewhat. Who wants to face our reality day and in out? My understanding is that he has seen many patients and is stil in the trenches.

Think of a cancer dr who treats cancers that do not have a very successful cure rate, I would think after a while that you would "put up a front" so that you do not get so emotionally investd with every patient.

GG

 

[Valentijn]

I meditate on anger for a long time and I never found relief - maybe it's not possible to get rid of anger?

I think it can be replaced with more positive emotions, though it's still likely to come back and bite us from time to time. Also, in the case of ME/CFS and related diseases, unbalanced neurotransmitters might be causing some fixation on these negative emotions.

 

[Gavman]

Illness robs me of my anger. It's one of the losses I associate with ME. In Osler's Web, Hillary Johnson quotes a dispirited Dan Peterson as saying in 1995, I'm not sure the momentum is there from the patients. If I had a disease that was totally disabling, I would be much more angry and aggressive than most of the patients I know.

I'd say it robs one of the aggressive side of anger. But there are still things people get angry at. Anger is especially useful for reaching ambition or changing circumstances, maybe its just put on the backburner for later and its time for other things. I'm not saying focus on it but that theres an allowance for it when its felt.

 

[Misfit Toy]

I am coming back on here for a spell. Here's hoping I can say something and not have it misunderstood.

We all suffer with anger when we are sick. It's just part of the whole grieving process. I can say truly that when I look back, the emotional rollercoaster of anger started with perimenopause. I really want to say this because if someone else comes on here with perimenopause, I hope they can search it and find it on here. Losing your hormones, or having them go up and down does something to the brain, the body, the psyche. And when you have CFS...it's awful. My anger is less in check now and I feel that in some ways, it's something I can't do "too" much about. I can't change my hormones because I am allergic to almost any hormone that is given to me to deal with this issue.

When I was on the concoction of hormones such as estrogen, progesterone, testesterone, etc...I became panic attack central with worse menopause symptoms. I felt out of control.

Now, before I wrote this post, I am hormonal (just got my period yesterday) and on a high dose steroid on top of having CFS, fibro, Interstital Cystits and having endometriosis that has put me back in bed this period due to cramps that are extreme. So...now I am taking a sliver of dilaudid; a narcotic.

And in the meantime, you sort of suffer in silence because people don't really want to hear one landslide after another. A virus turned sinus infection, a period with massive cramps. People look at me like, "Does it ever end for you?" Only making everything worse. I am on lock down mode where I am trying to stay away from people for my protection, which feels kind of sad.

My anger and ambition has motivated me in a lot of ways. Even with all of this going on; I am proud that I started a business and I did it because I wanted to make money to supplement my measly SSD. Anger makes me research and become resourceful. Yesterday, I found a medical prescription card on line for those with SSD that have no prescription coverage. It cut my Valtrex cost from CVS in half! VICTORY. I am a fighter and I keep on going despite some of this stuff. I may go down for a bit and then I bob up out of the water.

I appreciate all of the people that have reached out to me. If you really read this post properly and take it from a neutral perspective...you will see, I am not angry with any person on here or everywhere. It's an over all disappointment or anger that is starting to abate mildy due to going off of steroids and having gotten my period. That's another thing...I have been skipping periods here and there which makes things even more "unstable" for me.

So, thank you for the personal emails and the people I have formed connections with that have reached out. You seem to know me; know that I am not bitter and if I am, I am just like everyone else.

 

[silicon]

Hi Spitfire,

I have always appreciated your honesty and authenticity...which definitely takes courage (and unfortunately, sometimes comes at the price of being misunderstood). I hope you don't leave this forum, as I believe you have much to contribute. I hope your symptoms somehow take a turn for the better.

 

[Tia]

I feel EXACTLY the way you do!

I never talk about cfs, since I'm born with it I just sleep when my body needs to sleep and if I have more energy I go to the gym and live normally, besides the work part. I live in hope with this new norweigan thing because noone can live their whole friggin life like this. I wasn't even aware of being sick until 2008 so I'm used to just livng normally. There's soooo much talk on here on dfferent symptoms, this and that and doctors here and doctors there when I think we should be more focused on supporting oneanother emotionally instead. I fully understand why you're not on here anymore.

I to, have had a ton of bad luck with guys in my life.. I was drawn to the wrong kind because of things in my childhood and have paid hard for that, I feel just as angry (if not even more) as you and people sometimes tell me to and that makes me react: -Yeah?? Ya want some?? Lol, no, seriously, they get kinda scared because they didn't expect that from a small woman but yeah..I have so many reasons for being angry that it's a damn wonder I'm still alive, as someone said. I have to tell you though: anger IS better than sadness and selfpitying because anger can get you places, sadness just buries you.

So..My point is, that if you ever wanna talk to someone NOT focused on disease but on life instead, PM me!

 

[Ember]

I'd say it robs one of the aggressive side of anger. But there are still things people get angry at. Anger is especially useful for reaching ambition or changing circumstances, maybe its just put on the backburner for later and its time for other things. I'm not saying focus on it but that theres an allowance for it when its felt.

It's not the aggressive but the assertive aspect of anger that I miss, Gavman. Although Dan Peterson used the word aggression, I think he was actually referring to assertiveness when he said, I'm not sure the momentum is there from the patients. We simply lack the energy and focus required to stand up for ourselves, and it's not good news for advocacy.

Like you, I find anger useful for reaching ambition or changing circumstances. It can be like the fuel for a rocket. When people channel their anger constructively, they don't lash out or react defensively. They're proactive and clear in their goals, and they often develop great comaraderie in the process.

Without focus, anger so easily gets misdirected or becomes mere self-indulgence. And without the energy needed for action, it can collapse into a kind of toxic stew. Best then to let it dissipate, I suppose, however much we may need it in its assertive form. I wonder sometimes whether the loss of anger as a galvanizing force is unique to ME, a kind of acquired anger deficiency.