The Anxiety thread

[Tia]

Hey Victoria and all of you wonderful souls out there!

I've looked up this and it's available in my country for about the same price so I'm geting it. THANK you for this advice! I can't stand feeling like this every god damn minute of every god damn day anymore.. I just cry and have anxiety and then I'm on Zoloft to.. One can't live like this, it's unbarable. If there were only anyone here, but I don't have a soul.

GG: I can't afford to move either so that's not an option right now, and I have lived in this town all of my life so what little safety i have, I have here, but thanks for trying, I really appretiate it.

Icollin64: Sounds like you have the same fear as me! I to, am so scared of the loneliness. Always being alone and robbed of any social contacts. One cant live like that: isolated and alone always.. i wish I was one of those who liked the loneliness and living that way but I just can't, I'm a social person inside and this is just killing me. I'm starting a programme in january for those with mental illness where they mostly do small things, like a workshop for the mentally ill, since ME 's still considered to be a mental ilness in this country and we're counted in amongst them, but.. It feels like I'm not going to meet anyone that i can talk to there.. Like I'm alone in this yet again. besides one has to be there at least twice a week to not lose the spot and I don't know if I can do that. Oh an, this is just a downward spiral that never ends.. I took valium today to get through the day. Sick, one shouldn't have to do that.

 

[justy]

I am so sorry Tia to hear how bad you are feeling. I think Caledonia's advice for dealing with the anxiety is really helpful. I felt just like you for a long time, and now the anxiety is nowhere near as bad i am now able to cope much better on a day to day basis. I am lucky because i have my kids and my husband, but i live in a very remote area and am very lonely stuck in a field looking at the woods all day, not even a person or car to go past to notice. So i really do understand how you feel.
I dont know what you have already tried but i was so ill with the anxiety that i just did lots of things all at once and did them consistently and they seemed to help. This is just some of the things i did:

High protein diet (took at least 6 months but now my blood sugar is finally under control)
No stimulants at all in the diet (sugar, caffeine etc)
No wheat or dairy.
aggressive Anti candida programme
dAILY meditation for 15-20 mins, plus one 20 min relaxation tape -EVER DAY! (i learnt meditation from this brilliant book http://www.amazon.co.uk/Teach-Yours...=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1291120524&sr=1-1
I also had 6 sessions of CBT.
i joined a telephone recovery group at no panic here http://www.nopanic.org.uk/page10.html
I used a daily gratitude diary.
I used a cbt work book for panic disorder and anxiety.
I rested a lot (my anxity gets worse if i push too much)
I see a medical herbalist and take a tincture.
I take supplements
I allowed it to be.
I take a valium if i really have to.

I jst want to say please have hope that this can improve. Sending best wishes to you. xx

 

[Tia]

Thanks Justy. <3

I just don't know what to do anymore about this. Cryingattacks, this anxiety, the loneliness.. I've tried DBT-therapy, CBT-therapy, regular therapy and nothing helps. I'm just so scared of this loneliness and have been feeling bad for 13 years now..with periods of feeling great to, of course. When I think of my relatives that habe their families and house and everything and they live just a street from me.. But I don't dare to contact them because of bad blood in the family.. So they're so close but I can't be with them, it hurts so bad with this loneliness and I wonder if it's really from me or is it because of the sickness? I know so many with ME have anxiety because of the illness or the livingconditions.. Oh man, I just don't know what to do anymore, don't have the energy to think about diets and complicated things, I mostly sleep during the day or sit by the computer.

 

[Cort]

What a great thread on a key topic for me. I don't think I would test as having an anxiety disorder but my system sure has trouble settling down....

I do several things - one of the best is 'creating possibilities' and stepping into them . This is something I got from the Landmark Forum. One that really works for me is creating the possibility of love - particularly for nature. I simply declare to my self that I am the possibility of being in love iwth nature and then look around. It can be very calming.

I create all sorts of possibilites - I sometimes create I am the possibility of joy - and try and live within that. Someone who is the possibility of joy - is someone looks for and notices joyful things; they bring joy to the table. Similarly someone who is the possibility of loving nature who looks around notices and appreciates natural things in our environment. I had a strong experience of my connection to nature prior to getting ill and it slowly faded and now its coming back again - I love that! Plus my body relaxes and I breathe more deeply and feel better.

It takes a while for it to seep in but it does kind of seep in over time.

 

[Mij]

Tia, do you have a pet? Pets can be great companions and lower the level of anxiety. I wish to have a cat but am very allergic. I dont' want a dog because I live in a small apartment and can't take it out for regular walks. I live alone with this illness for 20yrs and do feel lonliness and anxiety at times but seem to deal with it fine for the most part. I have family that live far away so no visits from them.

It's hard I know but I hope you can find some comfort here.

Mij

 

[pamb]

Hello Tia,

I too am saddened to hear how difficult it is for you now and hope you find comfort from this community. We may not be close to you physically, but many here are sending you love. I trust you will find some of the excellent suggestions here possible and useful for you. I'm waiting for the Norival and L-tyrosine to arrive and hope it helps my husband.

We have two cats and they always help to calm John down. Animals seem to know when someone needs comfort and calming. Certainly dogs and even cats can be a lot of work though - ours keep me busy, but I feed them a natural food diet, which takes time. Our neighbours have a couple of guinea pigs, and while not as much fun as the cats they are very easy to care for and I've been surprised how affectionate they can be. They enjoy a cuddle as much as my cats do, but are not so amusing.

Best wishes for some easier days,
Pam, John
Pascaloo and Tiger

 

[Tia]

Oooh, you are all such loving people. <3

Yes, I have a cat as the matter of fact, I've always had cats since I had my first apartment. I also got an aquarium and thought about getting fishes but I fear I wouldn't be able to take care of them properly, so I don't really know about that, think the aquarium itself is more work than I thought it would be.

Mij: It's interesting to hear about moe like me that live alone and is fine with it. I wish so bad I could be like that but I get this damn anxiety and can't take it. How do you learn to live with it? I'm on sertralin now, or Zoloft, but it's not helping all the way so I probably have to increase the dosage. Guess I'm afraid I'll live like this forever and that I'll have to increase the medication and get stronger and stronger medication until I'm a medicated zombie.. That's my fear. Because I think it's normal to be afraid of being alone like this when one has lived their life in loneliness, but at the same time I see others who are comfortable with it and I wish so hard i could be one of those.

 

[justy]

Tia, i agree it is so hard to wish so much to have somthing diferently and it not to happen. I feel this way about my health in general which i work on constantly, but without the results i would like. Loneliness is really a big problem and i think for some of us living alone is too hard. I dont live alone, but i know i would hate it. sending more hugs to you.

Cort - my husband did the landmark forum in England and its been a long time since i thought about it. He often says that we wouldnt of got married and had a family if he hadnt done it! (lol) I am interested in the idea of making possibilities. I think this is something i need to learn to do as i have got into a bad mindset recently with a low mood and its afecting my sleep and recovery. The problem is though that it just feels ike one more thing to add to the list of things i need to do to feel "better" or just to get through the day. People who are well dont have to have this constant striving just to stay even and its really getting me down at the moment

 

[Mij]

Mij: It's interesting to hear about moe like me that live alone and is fine with it. I wish so bad I could be like that but I get this damn anxiety and can't take it. How do you learn to live with it? I'm on sertralin now, or Zoloft, but it's not helping all the way so I probably have to increase the dosage. Guess I'm afraid I'll live like this forever and that I'll have to increase the medication and get stronger and stronger medication until I'm a medicated zombie.. That's my fear. Because I think it's normal to be afraid of being alone like this when one has lived their life in loneliness, but at the same time I see others who are comfortable with it and I wish so hard i could be one of those.[/QUOTE]

Tia, it's possible that your anxiety may not be so much psychological but perhaps physiological, no? This is something that is difficult to control. It is natural to have fears and worries about the future when we've been sick so long. I have this too but have learned to focus more on the present and near future, an ME specialist advised this to me and now after 20yrs of this illness I understand.

May I ask how old you are? Could it be hormones too? Sometimes we have symptoms that are not necesarrily related to ME. I'm 48 and in the last year my emotions have been on a roller coaster.

Perhaps if you could see a therapist? To help you relax and deal with these fears.

I hope you can find natural help without medications.

MIJ

 

[Victoria]

I am often alone, but rarely lonely.

I guess I am one of those people who is now comfortable with how life turned out & is making the most of it. I'm not saying I don't have difficult days. The days of serious pain are rare now, but they do sometimes happen. The days of mood swings & feeling 'down' definitely coincide with something I've eaten - usually wheat or grains of some kind. I can tolerate a small amount but not too much. I've had an upset stomach & bowel pain in the last 4 days. But today it's ok.

I have accepted my chronic ill health as a daily companion.

Acceptance is half the battle. While you continue to search for that elusive cure, you continue to get frustrated & angry. Life becomes overwhelming & terrifying. You panic because you feel all the negative emotions at their very worst.

Sometimes, you don't even know why you feel the way you do.

So, in accepting my chronic ill health & pain as a fact of my life, I have found the peace & calm to get on with living .

I was prescribed Zoloft in 1998 when I had a breakdown. I don't really remember much about it except that once on it, I couldn't seem to do without it. I do remember having withdrawal symptoms when I stopped.

I don't like drugs, but sometimes one has to face the fact that there's a place for them in our healing journey. But I urge people not to increase the dose of these drugs without medical supervision.

The more you take, the more addicted you get (& ultimately, the more they don't work).

It's incredibly hard when you're depressed & in a black hole to climb out & start living again, but we are all much, much stronger than we think.

Anxiety & panic attacks need a medical professional's help - initially - but if you can find a way out of your predicament yourself, then you will find how strong the human mind really is. Each time you have a downturn, you will find it easier & easier to deal with it as it arises.

When you achieve some sort of healing (yourself), you come to believe (in yourself). You find an inner strength to survive & thrive.

One way to find some relief is to sit down & write out what's good about life & what's bad about life. For every bad thing, you must find a good thing to keep the two columns equal. You may not add a bad thing to the list until you've listed something good as well.

When you have finished the list & can think of no more things, tear the list down the middle & throw the 'bad' list away. Then concentrate on the 'good' list & read it every day to remind yourself of the good in your life.

BAD LIST/GOOD LIST

30 years of chronic pain & 14 yrs of chronic ill health. There ARE some good days & I just have to focus on them.

I can't work full time anymore. I can spend time on my computer nearly every day now & I can enjoy one or two hobbies.

I can't walk fast without chest discomfort & pain - I love that 'rush' I used to get when I did vigorous excercise. I CAN walk very slowly for a couple of hours now. It gives me the chance to admire the scenery & enjoy the freedom from daily office work.

I can't clean my home as well as I used to - I hate untidiness & dirty dishes in the sink. I don't need to have an immaculate home every day, anymore - it's ok for it to be cleaned when I get around to it & feel the energy. It's ok to leave the dinner dishes until the next morning (if I'm too tired to do them at night).

My lower back pain will only get worse as I age. Stop thinking about the future & what COULD happen - think about today & what IS happening (in this moment).

I haven't got enough money to pay for the best food anymore. I HAVE got the money to pay my regular bills & survive - just by accepting that my diet can be less than optimal & know that I WILL manage.

It takes too much energy to do everything on my own. I've done this for 40 years, so I KNOW I can do everything on my own. I am my own proof of this (in sickness & in health).

I miss going out. I don't need to go out to enjoy my day. 'Wanting' & 'Needing' are two entirely different things. I don't NEED to do anything. I can relax & just BE.

I wish I had a normal life. 'Normal' is different to each & every one of us. Who actually lives a 'normal' life? What defines a 'normal life' Who actually has the perfect life? No one. I live my life the best I can, under my current restrictions.

I can't ??????????.

I CAN.
I WILL.
I DID (YESTERDAY & THE DAY BEFORE & THE DAY BEFORE THAT).

 

[Glynis Steele]

Hi,

Has anyone tried blowing into a paper bag to reduce anxiety levels. Here is a link which explains it, in relation to hyperventilation.

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-hyperventilation.htm

Glynis

 

[river]

Some of the anxiety might be caused by hypoglycemia and oversleeping.
Addressing those issues might help to decrease anxiety, at least the ones caused by those.

I wrote a post here about the way over-dreaming and over-sleeping causes anxiety and depression:
Anyone else here sleeping long periods of time 11 hours

And one where I explain how I found an easy way to improve hypoglycemia immediately
Hypoglycemia what helped the most

Check them out if you want.

 

[Tia]

Mij: It's interesting to hear about moe like me that live alone and is fine with it. I wish so bad I could be like that but I get this damn anxiety and can't take it. How do you learn to live with it? I'm on sertralin now, or Zoloft, but it's not helping all the way so I probably have to increase the dosage. Guess I'm afraid I'll live like this forever and that I'll have to increase the medication and get stronger and stronger medication until I'm a medicated zombie.. That's my fear. Because I think it's normal to be afraid of being alone like this when one has lived their life in loneliness, but at the same time I see others who are comfortable with it and I wish so hard i could be one of those.

Tia, it's possible that your anxiety may not be so much psychological but perhaps physiological, no? This is something that is difficult to control. It is natural to have fears and worries about the future when we've been sick so long. I have this too but have learned to focus more on the present and near future, an ME specialist advised this to me and now after 20yrs of this illness I understand.

May I ask how old you are? Could it be hormones too? Sometimes we have symptoms that are not necesarrily related to ME. I'm 48 and in the last year my emotions have been on a roller coaster.

Perhaps if you could see a therapist? To help you relax and deal with these fears.

I hope you can find natural help without medications.

MIJ[/QUOTE]

Yes, I to don't like taking pills. I've tried DBT therapy, CBT therapy and regular therapy with no change. Funny you should ask about hormones because a friend of mine and I (via telephone, I just met him and he lives across the country) thought if it could be related to PMS perhaps? But no, because I don't get it every month, just sometimes. This years only twice and with a coupal of months in between so it has no pattern exept for that it starts the same:

1. I get more tired than usual.
2. Get irritated
3. I get cryingattacks and feel great sorrow that can't be cried away.
4. The anxiety sets in and lasts for weeks until the dose of antidepressants that I'm on is increased and starts to kick in.

This to me seems like a regular depression, and maybe it got worse now in wintertime when the sunlight's gone?

The only thing I found that helps it though, is talking to my friend.. We talk for HOURS every day to keep the panic away. I have sedatives for it, but I just don't want to have to take them, it's to..creepy. One can get hooked on them and have to get stronger and stronger meds so i prefer phoning, I just don't want to wear him out though. I want to be able to manage on my own and not be dependant on someone else.

 

[Tia]

Hi,

Has anyone tried blowing into a paper bag to reduce anxiety levels. Here is a link which explains it, in relation to hyperventilation.

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-hyperventilation.htm

Glynis

Hm, that sounds easy, free and something I most defenitely am going to try! Thanks! (I do however do breathingtechniques that I've learned from therapy but the anxiety goes right through it and I can't keep focus on my breathing all day.)

 

[Tia]

I am often alone, but rarely lonely.

I guess I am one of those people who is now comfortable with how life turned out & is making the most of it. I'm not saying I don't have difficult days. The days of serious pain are rare now, but they do sometimes happen. The days of mood swings & feeling 'down' definitely coincide with something I've eaten - usually wheat or grains of some kind. I can tolerate a small amount but not too much. I've had an upset stomach & bowel pain in the last 4 days. But today it's ok.

I have accepted my chronic ill health as a daily companion.

Acceptance is half the battle. While you continue to search for that elusive cure, you continue to get frustrated & angry. Life becomes overwhelming & terrifying. You panic because you feel all the negative emotions at their very worst.

Sometimes, you don't even know why you feel the way you do.

So, in accepting my chronic ill health & pain as a fact of my life, I have found the peace & calm to get on with living .

I was prescribed Zoloft in 1998 when I had a breakdown. I don't really remember much about it except that once on it, I couldn't seem to do without it. I do remember having withdrawal symptoms when I stopped.

I don't like drugs, but sometimes one has to face the fact that there's a place for them in our healing journey. But I urge people not to increase the dose of these drugs without medical supervision.

The more you take, the more addicted you get (& ultimately, the more they don't work).

It's incredibly hard when you're depressed & in a black hole to climb out & start living again, but we are all much, much stronger than we think.

Anxiety & panic attacks need a medical professional's help - initially - but if you can find a way out of your predicament yourself, then you will find how strong the human mind really is. Each time you have a downturn, you will find it easier & easier to deal with it as it arises.

When you achieve some sort of healing (yourself), you come to believe (in yourself). You find an inner strength to survive & thrive.

One way to find some relief is to sit down & write out what's good about life & what's bad about life. For every bad thing, you must find a good thing to keep the two columns equal. You may not add a bad thing to the list until you've listed something good as well.

When you have finished the list & can think of no more things, tear the list down the middle & throw the 'bad' list away. Then concentrate on the 'good' list & read it every day to remind yourself of the good in your life.

BAD LIST/GOOD LIST

30 years of chronic pain & 14 yrs of chronic ill health. There ARE some good days & I just have to focus on them.

I can't work full time anymore. I can spend time on my computer nearly every day now & I can enjoy one or two hobbies.

I can't walk fast without chest discomfort & pain - I love that 'rush' I used to get when I did vigorous excercise. I CAN walk very slowly for a couple of hours now. It gives me the chance to admire the scenery & enjoy the freedom from daily office work.

I can't clean my home as well as I used to - I hate untidiness & dirty dishes in the sink. I don't need to have an immaculate home every day, anymore - it's ok for it to be cleaned when I get around to it & feel the energy. It's ok to leave the dinner dishes until the next morning (if I'm too tired to do them at night).

My lower back pain will only get worse as I age. Stop thinking about the future & what COULD happen - think about today & what IS happening (in this moment).

I haven't got enough money to pay for the best food anymore. I HAVE got the money to pay my regular bills & survive - just by accepting that my diet can be less than optimal & know that I WILL manage.

It takes too much energy to do everything on my own. I've done this for 40 years, so I KNOW I can do everything on my own. I am my own proof of this (in sickness & in health).

I miss going out. I don't need to go out to enjoy my day. 'Wanting' & 'Needing' are two entirely different things. I don't NEED to do anything. I can relax & just BE.

I wish I had a normal life. 'Normal' is different to each & every one of us. Who actually lives a 'normal' life? What defines a 'normal life' Who actually has the perfect life? No one. I live my life the best I can, under my current restrictions.

I can't ??????????.

I CAN.
I WILL.
I DID (YESTERDAY & THE DAY BEFORE & THE DAY BEFORE THAT).

Hey,

very interesting way of thinking, I've noticed that I think of bad things and that could be what triggers the anxiety OR the other way around. I agree with you on antidepressants to, I have that fear where just as you say u increase the dosage and get on more and more strong ones until one can't do anything, you turn into a zombie and can't pay the bills or do anything anymore, and who takes care of you then? NOONE. So I refuse to take sedatives as they tell me to do when I call the psychiatric ER. They just want to sedate you and then get rid of you. They don't care if one gets addicted, those morons!

But it IS possible to go of them though, I've had periods of 3 or 4 years where I did without them, but then ended up in a depression again and had to start them. I just went down this summer to, from a stronger one to a much milder one, Zoloft, s it IS possible. Withdrawal of course sets in when one quits but I didnt notice anything this time around when I quit this summer. I went down in the pace the doctor said and didn't notice anything at all. The ony thing was after 4,5 months when I felt just as bad again.. But beig without them for 3-4 years isn't bad.. But I would of course rather don't be on them at all and feel good.

Lists is interesting.. I used to do them but when the negative overweighed the positive I stopped. But maybe if I find like you say something positive for every bad thing it would weight up, I'm definitly going to do that because it increases the positivt thinking.

 

[Victoria]

But maybe if I find like you say something positive for every bad thing it would weight up, I'm definitly going to do that because it increases the positivt thinking.

Tia,

that's the secret. You HAVE to list a good thing (against every bad thing). You're not allowed to let the bad things outweigh the good.

In this way, you will eventually find it easier & easier to list the good in your life.

And, in time, you may well find that your anxiety recedes into the background.

Good luck with the good list.

 

[IntuneJune]

Wonderful tool Victoria for everyone to use. We have so much to work on all the time. Just look at the topics on these forums....overwhelming.... not every idea works for everyone. Simple example....supplements, some work for some folks, others work for other folks, what works for what, what is too little, what is too much. We are being bombarded with so much information now. What does not help, what does help, yady, yady, on and on (don't misunderstand, this is all good stuff to look at) it can be overwhelming.

But keeping our attitude positive is essential, your list as a tool to help keeping positive is simple, free, can be done horizontally, no side effects.... Ha! Priceless.

June

 

[Victoria]

I found it hard to list positive (or the 'good' in my life) when I was working full time.

Anxiety & stress were really overwhelming. Even when I got home (after work), I was so exhausted that thinking positive seemed to be impossible. Actually doing any thinking at all in the evening or weekend was hard work. My brain fog was really bad at these times.

But the times I did feel blessed & thought positively really helped my emotional & spiritual well being.

Now I'm not working, I find it really easy being positive. My whole anxiety state has virtually disappeared without the help of drugs.

Prescription drugs are essential in clinical depression, but if you can find other natural ways to clear your depression & anxiety, your body & vital organs will thank you. Drugs treat the symptoms. If you do enough hunting you'll eventually find a drug which works for you. But as soon as you stop the drugs, your symptoms inevitably return.

You have to find a way to treat the problem. If it's ME/CFS, you may not be able to cure your problem. But you can find a way to help your problem.

A couple of years ago, I would have said improving my health was impossible. I couldn't understand how anyone with my degree of pain & exhaustion could possibly improve.

But now that I have left my job, and found much improved health, I find it so easy to stay mentally positive.

The way to help my problem was to stop full time work & give my body a chance to get some restful sleep. I then had more energy to focus on solving a few important issues (for me). I was far less stressed now that I didn't have to use my brain all day. In fact, in the first few weeks after giving up work, I didn't do much except sleep, eat & survive.

I didn't have to sit in a sendentary office job & could get more movement in more spine. I could alternate my sitting, standing, bending & other movement which helped alot of my back pain. Eventually I could get back to using the computer at home, because I gave my eyes lots of breaks. I had my eyes tested & then went back to glasses (instead of contact lenses) which helped my eye dryness & discomfort. I'm not in air-conditioning now, so that also helps my dry eye condition.

I've been able to take up a creative hobby (which is more in line with my natural talents).

Doing something you enjoy can be a surprising & very effective 'treatment'.

Even on bad days, I am relatively positive. I know now that I will always have an "up" period. I know that I will sometimes have a "down" day, but these are getting rarer & rarer.

Positive emotions 'breed' even more positive emotions.

I understand anxiety & stress because I had it for so many years. But once you find the key to unlock your door to improved health & happiness & accepting the chronic illness is a constant aspect of your future, you'll find it easier to deal with those 'down' days.

Accepting the hand life has dealt you is a good start. Learning patience is another good thing. I mean after 30 years of chronic pain, my patience was wearing more than a little thin - my frustration was beginning to dominate my life. My constant anger DID dominate my life. Anger uses up an awful lot of energy.

(They say it takes 50 facial muscles to frown & only a few muscles to smile. I have the deepest lines on my face between my eyes from frowning so much).

When you feel & think that everything is bad, then you have no seed of Hope.

But even the smallest seeds of Hope can grow.

They don't grow by themselves. You need to 'nurture' them. You need to 'practice' positive thinking. You need to think 'mindfully'. It takes a little work. You don't get things for nothing. It's like everything in life - you need to practice. It might be that you need to have a list sitting by your bedside to read each morning & night, to remind yourself & focus your thoughts. You might need a little note on your bathroom mirror to jog your brain.

Using your brain when you have brain fog or cognitive difficulties is sometimes just too hard. Your memory is probably poor if it's anything like mine. Give your brain some help. Give it reminders in the form of notes or reading a small passage from an inspiring & uplifting book (or internet site) each morning.

Practice & more practice eventually brings some results. But it does take practice. Don't imagine that overnight, your anxiety will disappear. It won't. It may take some time.

Depending on your anxiety state, you may first have to work out what actually makes you anxious. If you can do this, that is a good start.

(& don't forget to examine your diet, it's a well known fact that some grains & foods which you are sensitive to, can affect your emotional state. You don't have to be actually 'allergic' in the sense of showing up in orthodox allergy tests. Many people today are 'sensitive' to colourings, additives & preservatives. I certainly am).

 

[Tia]

Sorry for the late reply, but I had company since wednesday here. felt much beter to have someone ehere to talk to and I am so happy for it!

I also made a list like u said, Victoria, and found it very interesting how there really WAS a positive thing by every bad. I didn't really have to look for them, they just came. That was a great advice actually.

 

[jenbooks]

I like this thread. My main anxiety seems to do with sleep, though I can dream up other anxieties (catastrophes). Sometimes I sleep well and sometimes I sleep fitfully and sometimes I have days in a row where something stops me from sleeping. I find this awful. Things that can interrupt sleep: noise, toxic mold, tickle cough from allergies or mold, pain, anxiety, or who knows what. I'm a light sleeper genetically anyway.

I tend to wake up at least once or twice a night, sometimes more. If I lie there and can't go back to sleep for a while I get really upset, and as time passes, I feel nearly hysterical about it. I sometimes wake up my partner for a back rub with peanut oil (something about peanut oil is really soothing to my CNS). Last night I was up for a while, but did drift off. If I even drift off for a bit, then have a dream, wake up and realize I did drift off, I feel so much calmer about sleep that I tend to fall back asleep again.

So for instance, today, I took a walk on some land that made me somewhat allergic, and I started getting that tickle cough. Immediately my brain went to, "What if it gets worse tonight and I DON'T SLEEP?" And I get so riled up, so anxious, so distraught over that, it's like my entire self goes into a contorted coniption fit.

I really need to work on this and am thinking of doing Gupta training, or something, anything, to break the cycle of my worries about sleep. When I look back, if I have a few awful nights of little sleep, I always then get some sleep. Yet that doesn't reassure me. As soon as I can't sleep or even contemplate maybe not sleeping, I get totally upset.

In contrast, a good night's sleep is like a present wrapped in ribbons that makes me happy. And if I lay down to rest before actually going to sleep, and fall asleep like a nap, then I wake up feeling overly calm about sleep, because I've already gotten some sleep.

In other words, I invest way too much emotion in the whole sleep thing.

Of course, before I got lyme/tickbite, I never had any trouble sleeping at all. I was a fabulous sleeper--lay down, fall asleep, wake up eight hours later.