Negative emotions/feeling drained around people

[Cfs2019]

When I was 15 my parents divorced, I moved in with my mother and I started to get anxiety attacks near her?

This ruined my teens, just being in the same house as her was too much, it nearly killed me

Now I’m in my 30s and I’ve moved away from her, all it takes is one phone call or just to see her and I get the same anxiety attack I got when I was 15, I feel like it’s close to killing me


I’ve tried stuff like Mickel Therapy and reverse therapy, they bring these emotions up but they don’t teach you how to deal with them, they sort of shutdown on you when the emotions come up

Is there anyway to deal with this, what sort of therapy would be useful and help me deal with it?

Thsnks

 

[maybe some day]

Easiest thing is to avoid her. Have calls go to voicemail. Call her when your up to it. Excuse yourself when its time to hang up. Be in control of talk time, avoidance, etc.

My mom didnt get along well with her mom either. The self preservation tips I mentioned worked very well.

Your mom may not like that your in control, but your not responsible for her feelings either

 

[Anchoress]

OP avoid. Please. I have been there done that, AVOID.Her problems are hers, not yours . No phonecalls,no visits

 

[jesse's mom]

Is it only with your mother that you get overwhelmed. Does this spill over into other relationships?

I think I would just be busy when she calls you. We do have a sense of responsibility with our relationships with our parents. I have had some really rocky times with my father. So I might "get" what you are going through.

 

[Cfs2019]

Is it only with your mother that you get overwhelmed. Does this spill over into other relationships?

I think I would just be busy when she calls you. We do have a sense of responsibility with our relationships with our parents. I have had some really rocky times with my father. So I might "get" what you are going through.

Spills into others tbh but that’s where it first started

I moved away for a few years and had similar problems

I remember one day I hadn’t spoken to her for a month or so, she called me up and I got an anxiety attack even though she was polite to me and It took me a good day in bed to recover, i Just find it too much

 

[jesse's mom]

That is tough! I spent a few years in therapy when I first got really sick. I basically have done a lot of one on one cognitive behavioral therapy. I am glad I did. It had moved me forward with baby steps.

I also practice mostly Zen meditation. I will look up the exact author and nun if you are interested.

I still find face to face difficult, but it seems that as my body and brain are healing a bit, everything is calming down a bit for me.

I have begun to heal my gut and that is like another whole brain the way our body functions.

I hope things cool off for you soon.

I might wait to speak with anyone who is inflammatory.

There are a few people, I really care about that I really cannot talk to anymore.

I have made big changes in my life. I wish you all the best.

 

[AmandaS]

Ugghh.. I can SO relate. I try to limit my interactions with mother to email; the sound of her voice triggers me in the worst way. I've had YEARS of therapy and still, the physical response of being around her is incredibly strong.

Although I haven't had it myself, I've heard that the most effective form of therapy for people who have experienced significant trauma is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It's a lot of work, but apparently the results can be life-altering. I have a good friend who had it and she says it did change her life. You need to find a therapist who is certified.

https://www.emdria.org/page/emdr_therapy

Otherwise, I agree with the others: minimize and try to find a good counselor and some kind of support group to validate you and prevent you from falling into the guilt trap.

With sympathy,

Amanda