Need help with Mattress saga

[ChrisD]

I never could have anticipated what a saga this would be when I decided to upgrade my old wonky mattress last October.

For context, I am not Bedbound, I am homebound mostly but spend a lot of time sitting/lying, however I move once an hour atleast.

I was recovering with various things like medicinal herbs and next on my list was upgrading my sleep. I am a side sleeper and I have put on weight from about 80 to 100kg in the last few years - obviously I realise now that this puts a lot of pressure on Hips and Shoulders.

Annoyingly in hindsight, I got sold on social media influencers stating that you MUST sleep on natural materials for good health - however have learned that you can't do this on a budget 😪

First I got an orthopaedic Firm (Wool) - Like Lying on a rock.
Then Medium Firm (Wool) - Better but still so much hardness. Painful hips
Then Medium (all different brands) (Wool) - Softer but at some point in night just as hard as Medium firm.

I now have a Medium (Synthetic/gel) which feels very soft at first, and hips are better,
but again I will wake at 3/4am with numb or tingling arms and fast HR.

It feels as though my body absorbs all of the New spring tension of the New mattress and it feels like it vibrates my nervous system, and clearly blood circulation is being limited as I will wake up very pale and exhausted, stiff.

And Btw this is all with a gel infused topper. I can't believe it. My old wonky mattress must have been so broken in and moulded to me.

I'm devastated as it has set me so far back in my recovery from being able to go out once a week, to struggling all day and not keeping on top of things like shaving and hair cuts etc.

Has anyone else had a situation where they are so so sensitive to a new mattress? Even a soft one? Or is overweight and a side sleeper?

Any solutions? I'm thinking maybe some physio maybe but maybe even exhausted for that and I'm getting PEM very easily.

There is nothing on this from the ME charities and I could only find this reddit which is fairly helpful

https://www.reddit.com/r/cfs/comments/18mda1z

 

[Wishful]

I've had my urethane foam mattress (plain slab from a foam shop) for 30+ years. It's still comfortable. Cotton/polyester sheets. Memory foam chip pillow, and recently a polyester-fibre body pillow. No fancy "natural" materials. Side sleeper. I don't have great sleep (wake every 90 minutes), but I can't blame my bed.

Anyone know how long it takes to "break in" a new mattress? I suppose it depends on the type.

 

[Judee]

Did the mattresses come with any kind of satisfaction guarantee? Can you return any of them? Just found this article: https://www.which.co.uk/reviews/mattresses/article/how-to-return-a-mattress-ak2pA0L2M9PF

I have a local mattress company/manufacturer here but they're only local to parts of the USA.

Still you might try to see if you have a company like that...one who makes their own, operating anywhere near you. They tend to be family owned and I think many times have a better satisfaction policies at least to take the mattress back and make some adjustments to it. ??

It's really a miserable situation and so disappointing when something like that doesn't work out because you're out the money and still not able to get a good night sleep because of being so uncomfortable. Hope you can get some help to figure this all out.

 

[lenora]

I do know about mattresses and discomfort. I've had at least 6 mattresses over the past 2 years+.....this is not one of my greater success stories.

I hate them....all of them! Don't even bother with the Mattress in a Box type, and I know how difficult this is, but go to a local mattress store and pay for the return (by the way, we had 6 mos. to return my mattress, so that wasn't a problem). It's the sheer frustration of it all. That's what I'm planning on doing for my next one.

This is akin to finding out exactly what we have wrong with us and how to treat it. A never-ending story. Granted, I'm almost 77, female and have a king sized mechanical bed, which is essentially two twin beds with a king headboard and platform, with the mattress on top.

I've finally come to the conclusion that I'm never going to be comfy again. I fractured my pelvis in a number of places (plus vertebrae) 2+ years ago. I also have Fibromyalgia on top of many other neurological problems. Something is always bothering me and I'm pretty good at shutting things out.

Really, all I want is my old mattress back....but honestly, I don't feel it's the mattress, but my body. I still have the mattress in the garage and my poor, beleaguered husband will probably drag it in once again. It doesn't feel right either.

So much depends on your age, your complaints, and I find a lot of those box mattresses are made of strange materials. I need cotton or wool, cotton sheets, blankets, etc. (allergies), and while I hate to discourage you, can only say that you're in for a lot of trying and returning and money spent. However, I also have to face up to the face that comfort (long gone, anyway) is something from years and years past. I use pain lotions and creams, ice packs are great for numbing areas and I feel like I'm a constant complainer. Really, I'm not, but whatever happened to just going and buying a mattress or pillow and not putting a lot of thought into it ? Good luck on your journey. I hope you're able to get it right. If possible, pillows are even worse. I must have 10 or more....none worthwhile. My body's an older model, not made for today.

Oh, hubby, almost 80 is sleeping on the original mattress we had made for this bed. He sleeps like the proverbial baby. So, in my case, I have to look at the me of today, not 20 years or so ago. Your body changes, there is no question and it takes at least 6 months to break a mattress in. The average life span is only 8 years. Sleep well soon. Yours, Lenora

 

[linusbert]

Has anyone else had a situation where they are so so sensitive to a new mattress? Even a soft one? Or is overweight and a side sleeper?

yes. annoying af.
the first time i got a new mattress it was like heaven it was finally firm again. i slept good for like 1-2 weeks, then it adapted and was shit again.
the next time i changed to same kind of mat but new one again, i suffered a lot. limbs where feeling tingly, it took again like 1-2 weeks and i sank in again.
now i changed again, bought extra a matt for 140kg weight... was really nice and firm for like 3 days...
mattresses are just crap. i want a firm matt but i always end up in a hanging mattress, my butt sinking in , legs up and head up. its so annoying.

i was thinking about a water bed, but they are with bad chemicals , plastic softeners and stuff, i dont want to sleep on that as i am sensitive. but i had the best sleep in my live on a sleeping bed in a thermal bath long before i even became that sick. and it took only like a hour but i felt so great as if i had sleep for years.

the best bed i ever had was actually my couch. it had springs and was firm for like 10 years... though the last years it took a hit when i gained weight from 60kg to 120kg.

now i am looking into japanese futon beds. no experience yet.

 

[lenora]

Yes, that's another problem....mattresses without springs. Really, I guess it all comes down to the "individual thing" as it's almost impossible to recommend a mattress to someone else. There are so many variables, so many....especially today.

I don't know about a futon. When much younger, I could get a good night's sleep on the floor. Today, I couldn't even get my knees to support me long enough to reach a standing position. Of course I actually did sleep in those days....and maybe that's the key. It's possible that sleep is the real Fountain of Youth. Yours, L.

 

[Seadragon]

@ChrisD I have given up trying to find a new mattress also....like @lenora, I've been through so many, always the same problem of feeling too hard yet not supportive at the same time. Didn't last more than one night on any of them and sold them all at a loss on Ebay (you can't return mattresses in the UK). I think wool compacts down quickly which might be why it then feels hard.

We kept our old bed anyway and although too soft and not supportive enough now after 22 years, it's at least better than the modern ones which feel terrible to me whatever type. They just aren't made the same way anymore. I guess most normal people aren't sensitive like we are.

I have the same problem with couches/armchairs but spend most of the time half sitting/half lying down upstairs anyway (on the only other also old bed we have in our spare bedroom during the day). I can barely spend time sitting downstairs anymore on our equally ancient and sagging suite which I really miss.

Again, like Lenora, I am always uncomfortable and in pain, much more so because I am unable to find replacement furniture. This causes a kind of constant underlying PEM from not being able to relax properly. I sleep half sitting/half lying wherever is least uncomfortable on any given night. It is a really difficult problem and I do really empathize with you.


Hugs

 

[Mouse girl]

yes, absolutely! I have never found one as comfy as my old one, they don't make them like they used to. I tried natural ones and I am allergic to all of them.

got a fancy one and the chemicals made me super sick, sounds like maybe that is the case for you too. I ended up with a regular interspring by beautyrest and it didn't make me chemically sick like the Sterns and Foster. it still isn't a good fit like the old ones, it's still too soft internally but not enough cushion on top. I've tried sooooo many. might try one more that is made locally that is innerspring and alot of cushion on top but felt firm. have no idea thoug because i tried others like that and after a few days, hurt my back so much i could barely walk and ended up getting a slipped disk when i was too active after getting that mattrese. I had a perfect lower back on older mattress. in general, nothing is made well now, not furniture, not appliances, not new homes or contruction or remodels and especially not mattresses, they are all too soft now with no support or rock hard, no real inbetween. so sorry you are going thorugh this.

 

[linusbert]

, they are all too soft now with no support or rock hard,

oooh i'd love a rock hard one.
also they should be easy to fix by adding some soft toppers.

got a fancy one and the chemicals made me super sick,

yes!! those mattress stink like hell. mine took 5 weeks and it gets less but still a lot. by the time its manageable i can order a new one...

the world really has gotten disgusting. its all this chinese crap. if its not made in china its made with materials from china. not gonna lie, china is the plague of the modern times. why can't they do it the old german way, make really good products in a affordable way. german craftsmanship was awesome back in the day. nowadays its crap too. so sad.


i'd really like to try a futon and then put it on the ground or some hard frame. but futons are also sometimes made from animals and i am allergic to all of them too.
so who knows a good futon bed store?

 

[linusbert]

got a fancy one and the chemicals made me super sick,

yes!! those mattress stink like hell. mine took 5 weeks and it gets less but still a lot. by the time its manageable i can order a new one...

the world really has gotten disgusting. its all this chinese crap. if its not made in china its made with materials from china. not gonna lie, china is the plague of the modern times. why can't they do it the old german way, make really good products in a affordable way. german craftsmanship was awesome back in the day. nowadays its crap too. so sad.

 

[Wishful]

As I recall, my "slab of foam" was quite cheap, <$100. At that price, maybe it's worth giving it a try? That's assuming you're not super-ultra-sensitive to chemicals. If you're somewhat sensitive, then set it somewhere where a breeze can blow through it for a while. I rate mine very high for comfort.

 

[lenora]

Yes, I kept my old mattress and looked at it fondly today as we pulled into the garage. It's well-wrapped and waiting for Rod's shoulder to heal enough to drag it inside (once again). Then that's it, no more trying. There have been too many of them.

Now I'm looked for a good quality and nice looking e-z chair. I may have to sleep in it....two of them, in case Rod needs one, also.

Yes, off-gassing can be a real problem. Air and wind help a lot, but whatever it is, rain protection may be needed. Good luck with comfort...it can make a real difference. Lenora

 

[ChrisD]

Thanks for the replies everyone, at least I know I am not alone in this problem. Unfortunately I did not keep my old mattress as it was part of the collection to have it taken away. I think my current one will work eventually but this breaking in process is very hard going on a PWME, Its quite surprising and a learning curve to how sensitive my musculoskeletal system and nervous system are.

My current thinking is that I may try yet another topper, but this time a hospital/medical 🚑 topper I have come across called a Modular cut pressure overlay, it is cut in a way that allows pressure to be taken off different areas and is used for people who may form bedsores. Has anyone seen or tried one of these?

Another option is to change from a divan bed to a sprung bed, which can apparently make a bit of a difference?

But also as I think @lenora or @Wishful said, it's the realisation that this is the condition and this is my body being so sensitive to the pressure as presumably I have deconditioned a bit (even though I'm overweight) I've lost muscle in areas that would protect joints and nerves from compaction. So I might look into some physio maybe or some very light exercises to recondition (I am moderate severe).

 

[Wishful]

rain protection may be needed.

Sunlight protection too. Those urethane foams "tan" quite quickly in sunlight, and I don't know whether that damages them and makes them more likely to crumble.

I think that with a new mattress, both the mattress and the body need to be "broken in". We might be comfortable sleeping on a pile of twigs if we gave our bodies enough time to get used to it. Egyptians of old chose pillow made of solid wood (or stone?). I wonder whether that was a fad caused by early Egyptian influencers.

 

[gbells]

I have a 12 year old sleep number bed with an extra memory foam topper that's been good. I like the fact that you can change it from soft to firm on demand. This has come in handy when I've had injuries or weight changes. However I did have two quality problems with it, the pump needed replacement and the zipper to the top cover wasn't sewn in well and had to be replaced once. Personal Comfort is the bed I would replace it with but they are expensive.

 

[linusbert]

so for me i found a seller which promises made in germany/europe and a real hard stiff mattress which stays that way for long time, years they promise.
they also offered to produce my mattress according to my wishes, that would be 1-zone instead of 7-zones and also 2. only core of one single material and nothing glued together.

they sell world wide so this might be interesting also in US and other parts of the world.
thats the manufacturer, international business,
https://www.eupen.com/foam/en/

and this is my seller for germany which offer guarantee and services.
https://www-6plus1--matratzen-de.tr..._sl=de&_x_tr_tl=en&_x_tr_hl=en&_x_tr_pto=wapp

cant tell much yet if they keep the promises. but i will report if i found my holy grails of mattresses.

 

[Wishful]

so for me i found a seller which promises made in germany/europe and a real hard stiff mattress which stays that way for long time, years they promise.

The Fred Flintstone mattress: solid granite! Lasts for years! Lasts for geological ages too!

 

[linusbert]

The Fred Flintstone mattress: solid granite! Lasts for years! Lasts for geological ages too!

hehe
actually i'd like that, a solid stone and maybe a topper

 

[Wishful]

actually i'd like that, a solid stone and maybe a topper

Make that a lead topper: some granites are quite radioactive.