How to manage bad thoughts during a crash...

[soxfan]

So I am on day three of a major crash. I am not sure what brought it on and I haven't really had one this bad in about 2 years or so. Not only is it devastating physically but it seems to even be worse for me emotionally. I have been crying buckets of tears over this because I honestly have no clue why this has happened and I have no way of really preventing them...It happened after a 4th of July cookout...but maybe would have come on anyway.

I started up on cortef in the hopes it would relieve some of the horrible draining exhaustion but it really hasn't done anything...but maybe make me feel even worse?

I am trying to be positive in that it will pass and I will be back to baseline at some point but then again I start thinking this is too much to handle and I want out.. I start thinking of ways to end this suffering .I have a wonderful loving husband who gives me 100 percent support but then I think what if I didn't have him...what would happen to me and then all these horrible thoughts start swirling around.

I have so much to look forward to...a new life here in NC....becoming a first time grandmother in September...living near my son so I can watch my granddaughter grow up...but still the emotional pain I feel when I crash is almost unbearable.

Believe me I know I am better off than many people on this forum and I am thankful for that...I don't want to sound like I am ungrateful for what I can do.
I really don't have any doctor here to give me any support as she said to me at my last visit "hopefully someone can figure out what is going on with your fatigue". Apparently it isn't going to be her....

What do you all do to stay positive to get through these "crash" periods....I am at a loss.

 

[Dreambirdie]

Hi @soxfan It's not easy to "stay positive" when you are crashed, largely because your brain (which is part of your body) is crashed too. Energy and mood go together.

That said, I have found that trying to be "positive" when I'm not feeling positive is a pretty big demand to impose on myself. The more I try to be positive in those moments, the worse I feel. That which we resist will persist!

What helps me a lot is embracing where I am at and not fighting so hard against it. That doesn't mean diving deeply into complaining and indulging in it, but rather just being able to cuddle up with my pillow and give myself permission to feel what I feel without judging it or beating myself up for not feeling "well." It's not always easy to do, but when I can do it, it's a relief.

That's my 2 cents. Hang in there. I wish you well.

 

[minkeygirl]

Exactly @Dreambirdie

Really there is nothing you can do. what keeps me sane is not obsessing too much over things I have no control over and just deal with the here and now. Looking too far into the future is pointless and just adds more to the depression.

 

[Tammy]

Dreambirdie pretty much described my thoughts on the subject so I will send some hugs in addition..

 

[xchocoholic]

Hugs. I had a lot of depression when I first became ill. I was hit by the "cfs" mack truck. Lol

And somewhere along the way I was told by a therapist that I was my children's role model. So it was up to me to show them how to cope in bad times.

It meant sucking up my feelings in front of them and keeping up the appearance of having control. Easier said than done I know.

I still have short spontaneous private pity parties to relieve the stress probably once a day. From banging into something normally. Lol.

I don't know if it helped my kids but it keeps me from giving up even now that my kids are grown.

Other than that, I keep videos on hand that I'm eager to watch. I keep it cheap between my library and Walmart. The list is endless.

Hope you feel better. Oh 5htp or even Kombucha tea (party on) might help too. Tc .. x

 

[daisybell]

@soxfan
I hope it helps you, as it does me, to know that you are not alone in this... I'm in a crash too at the moment, and am currently lying in bed having been awake in the night with pain... It's so hard to feel positive when you feel so lousy.

I think @Dreambirdie has very sound advice ... Accepting that feeling low is part of the crash, and certainly not a sign of weakness or inability to cope makes it easier for me to just roll with it (most of the time)!

Anyhow, am thinking of you!

 

[Dr.Patient]

Hi @soxfan It's not easy to "stay positive" when you are crashed, largely because your brain (which is part of your body) is crashed too.

Absolutely true!

 

[Dr.Patient]

Hi @soxfan Energy and mood go together.

Another absolute truth! It took me a longtime to make that connection, because when I am feeling bad, my brain is not in a position to analyze anything. Nowadays when I am feeling bad, I try to go back and remind myself that my energy is low, that's why I'm feeling this way.

 

[Dr.Patient]

So I am on day three of a major crash. I am not sure what brought it on and I haven't really had one this bad in about 2 years or so. Not only is it devastating physically but it seems to even be worse for me emotionally. I have been crying buckets of tears over this because I honestly have no clue why this has happened and I have no way of really preventing them...It happened after a 4th of July cookout...but maybe would have come on anyway.

I started up on cortef in the hopes it would relieve some of the horrible draining exhaustion but it really hasn't done anything...but maybe make me feel even worse?

I am trying to be positive in that it will pass and I will be back to baseline at some point but then again I start thinking this is too much to handle and I want out.. I start thinking of ways to end this suffering .I have a wonderful loving husband who gives me 100 percent support but then I think what if I didn't have him...what would happen to me and then all these horrible thoughts start swirling around.

I have so much to look forward to...a new life here in NC....becoming a first time grandmother in September...living near my son so I can watch my granddaughter grow up...but still the emotional pain I feel when I crash is almost unbearable.

Believe me I know I am better off than many people on this forum and I am thankful for that...I don't want to sound like I am ungrateful for what I can do.
I really don't have any doctor here to give me any support as she said to me at my last visit "hopefully someone can figure out what is going on with your fatigue". Apparently it isn't going to be her....

What do you all do to stay positive to get through these "crash" periods....I am at a loss.

This feeling bad during very low energies is the WORST part of our illness.

 

[Gingergrrl]

I started up on cortef in the hopes it would relieve some of the horrible draining exhaustion but it really hasn't done anything...but maybe make me feel even worse?

I am trying to be positive in that it will pass and I will be back to baseline at some point but then again I start thinking this is too much to handle and I want out.. I start thinking of ways to end this suffering .I have a wonderful loving husband who gives me 100 percent support but then I think what if I didn't have him...what would happen to me and then all these horrible thoughts start swirling around.

What do you all do to stay positive to get through these "crash" periods....I am at a loss.

@soxfan First, and this may have already been said, but I suspect that the Cortef may actually be making you feel worse. By no means am I saying to stop it but can you switch to another doctor or get a second opinion from someone who is more knowledgeable in what she is prescribing?

Second, I totally relate to what you said re: having a loving, supportive husband and the fear of what would happen if he was gone (as well as the guilt that he now has to take care of me instead of me being a fully equal partner like I used to be.) He is so hopeful that with each new treatment or doctor that we will find the "cure" and I don't want to let him down.

And as far as crash periods, I wish I had the answer. I think somehow just accepting that your value is not determined by what you can do and that right now your job is to rest and heal. I know, easier said than done.

 

[Hanna]

Hugs to you Soxfan on those bad days. I truly relate to what Breambirdie wrote.

When feeling crap, everything hurts... I try then to live the day 5 mn by 5 mn, and let the tears flow when I have to, shout loud when I have to expell bad energy (anger, feeling of injustice etc...) (I do it inside my pillow, to minimise beeing too much heard in the neighbourhood) and aknoledge that that's what I am feeling right now, and there is really NO reason to blame myself. Because, we are all the true heroes here...

 

[soxfan]

Thanks everyone for your posts...reading all the positive thoughts was a huge help! I never connected the crash with my brain but it does make sense since many of my symptoms are "brain" related. I had a good cry yesterday and spent almost all of it in bed. Got up every couple hours to just walk around the house and look out the windows.

@Gingergrrl43 -I am not taking the Cortef anymore. I had actually called my doctor and asked to refill my old prescription since I thought it might help. He put me on a really low dose as I am not seeing him till next month. He is really knowledgeable in all this stuff and I think he just wanted to try and help me through this.

Yeah...my husband is a true gem and I have no idea where I would be without him. Everytime I am unable to do something I feel like a huge disappointment and failure even though I know it is out of my control. I don't think that will ever change for me.

 

[heapsreal]

valium sandwich mm yummy. treat a crash like a hangover and sleep it off and get plenty of fluids. The more brain dead the better as u then wont stress about stupid things we shouldnt be stressing about and maybe get some actual useful rest.

 

[soxfan]

I took a valium last year before my lasik surgery on advice of the surgeon....it made me feel soooo awful. I wish I could take something to knock me out for a few days while this is going on.
I can't take anything like that as I am super sensitive to any thing like that unfortunately....I am trying my best not to stress over this latest crash....

 

[Dr.Patient]

valium sandwich mm yummy. treat a crash like a hangover and sleep it off and get plenty of fluids. The more brain dead the better as u then wont stress about stupid things we shouldnt be stressing about and maybe get some actual useful rest.

Agree! After weeks and months of suffering these crashes just crying and don't know what else to do, divine intervention gave me Xanax. Since there are no energy giving pills or shots, I take xanax. Nowadays I don't need them more than 2 or 3 times a month. I tell myself there is no need to suffer senselessly when there is something I can take.

 

[Dr.Patient]

Two other things- feeling the day is not passing; and feeling bored- are due to low energy.

 

[taniaaust1]

This illness certainly can affect our brain and our emotions when we crash. What I try to do is just be gentle with myself eg be okay about laying in bed all day (it takes a shift in mind set to "be okay" about it) and I just keep reminding myself that I wont be feeling so upset once Ive recovered from the crash.

 

[Dr.Patient]

On page 18 of the ME primer it does indicate that during a crash, lorazepam and alprazolam can help. Crashes are the first thing that patients need help with!

 

[heapsreal]

On page 18 of the ME primer it does indicate that during a crash, lorazepam and alprazolam can help. Crashes are the first thing that patients need help with!

There is some evidence that inflammation, which i assume would be increased during a crash, is related to elevated NMDA, maybe from other inflammatory cytokines(TNF alpha). Benzos are known to down regulated NMDA, also nmda antagonist dextromethorphan (DXM), commonly used as a cough suppressant, which has also had a study or 2 showing effectiveness in fibromyalgia. SO it could be worth looking into. Also nmda antagonists such as DXM are known to help reduce benzo tolerance. Memantine used for alzheimers is also an nmda antagonist and used to lower inflammation such as TNF alpha??

I dont think this is the be all and end all but its worth looking further into nmda antagonists to help control inflammation in cfs/me. Also magnesium is a natural nmda antagonist, could be why iv infusions some find helpful too??

 

[Hell...Hath...No...Fury..]

Its a nightmare getting through crashes. Mine started because of lack of sleep because of a fly dive bombing my head every ten minutes all through the night for three consecutive nights and the bast*rd is still alive...

I'm in one now. Combined with severe migraine my thoughts are rarely good. I often can't decide what's worse. Having just enough energy to feel bad or being completely wiped and unable to have a thought or feel anything.

I live in solitary confinement. I have no one apart from a visit from mam once a week and a grocery delivery. I can just about keep my sanity most of the time but during crashes it takes a lot of strength and willpower.

I was watching mam leave the other day after crawling to the window, watching her walking away up the hill on a beautiful sunny day. Surrounded by my silent prison, and i couldn't stop the tears falling knowing i have another potential 6 days of solitary confinement brain fogged, body drained hell. I generally don't allow myself the indulgence of feeling lonely as it does me no favours but as i watched her walk away, i could feel the silent, empty house engulf me and a vast void of profound heartache smacked into me from this dire, dire existance.

Feeling bad definitely does people like us no good though. A recent study showed that the old cliche 'time flies when you're having fun' is actually true but also the opposite is true. They tested people who were feeling sad or depressed and their perception of time dragged on longer than real time.

I think in some cases they thought 10-15 minutes had passed when only 3 minutes had passed. So time itself slows down when feeling sad.

Something none of us need when staring at a ceiling all day! Its looong enough to begin with if we're not able to pass the time with anything.