Feel like I’m watching myself from a distance

[Sarahloudobby]

Hi everyone. I’m actually waiting for official POTS diagnosis now I’ve always had symptoms along with the CFS but it’s been much worse since my second bout of covid. I am wearing a heart monitor for 24 hours next month just waiting for the appointment date now. I am managing to continue working at the moment but I have extremely dizzy spells sometimes when I stand, low blood pressure, a pounding heart and shortness of breath. The amount of floaters in my eyes has sky rocketed lately (always had them as I’m extremely short sighted) and I have bad ‘coat hanger’ pain in my head neck and shoulders which I have sports massages for to relieve the tension. Anyway the point of my post is this odd feeling I experience where I have such bad brain fog I feel like I’m not even really in my own body that I’m just walking around doing everything but watching through someone else eyes. Does anyone else have any idea what I mean?

 

[Pyrrhus]

I believe some people call this "depersonalization", although definitions may vary.

You might be interested in these discussions:

I created a videoexperience of my derealization/depersonalization symptoms
https://forums.phoenixrising.me/thr...realization-depersonalization-symptoms.84691/

ME/CFS and emotional blunting, apathy, anhedonia, depersonalization, derealization
https://forums.phoenixrising.me/thr...edonia-depersonalization-derealization.80694/

 

[YippeeKi YOW !!]

Anyway the point of my post is this odd feeling I experience where I have such bad brain fog I feel like I’m not even really in my own body that I’m just walking around doing everything but watching through someone else eyes. Does anyone else have any idea what I mean?

Yes. I've had something very similar, especially during what I call The Troubles .... I'll still get a milder version from time to time when I hit a bad downdraft. The sensation of watching myself, of not being entirely in my own body, of things not being 'real' .....

Do read @Pyrrhus 's post ..... I think it'll explain a lot and be genuinely helpful.

Hang in. What you're experiencing is frightening and destabilizing, but it's not unheard of in this population ....

EDIT .... to correct a misstatement, a sort of long brain-fog typo ...

 

[Tammy]

I havn't had that feeling in quite some time (knock on wood)..................but yes I felt that way on and off for years.

 

[Treeman]

I have it all the time. This is not the life my over active, imaginative, curious mind wants.

 

[xebex]

Yea I get this it’s horrible and for me always related to eating too much histamine. You could try an antihistamine to see if it goes away.

 

[ljimbo423]

Anyway the point of my post is this odd feeling I experience where I have such bad brain fog I feel like I’m not even really in my own body that I’m just walking around doing everything but watching through someone else eyes. Does anyone else have any idea what I mean?

I get something like that, sometimes. When I get it, I just feel kind of detached from reality a little, and it usually only lasts a few seconds. It feels really scary, even though it only lasts a few seconds.

 

[hapl808]

I have it all the time. This is not the life my over active, imaginative, curious mind wants.

This is how mine manifests. It's not the classic depersonalization that might be described above, but more that sometimes I just have flashes of disbelief that this is my life. I used to travel to new countries every 2-4 weeks, now I'm calculating how many times I can make it to the kitchen or bathroom in a day. How do I expect other people to believe how awful it is if I have trouble believing it myself. I haven't had a good day in over five years, but I keep hoping that things will somehow turn around.

 

[YippeeKi YOW !!]

It feels really scary, even though it only lasts a few seconds.

It's terrifying, because suddenly you become completely unmoored from the world as you know it and everything in it, including yourself. Like drifting in the infinity of space.

 

[YippeeKi YOW !!]

I haven't had a good day in over five years, but I keep hoping that things will somehow turn around.

I can't say that I've had a good day, at least based on my previous life, but I've had better days, and I had a HUUUUGE uptick when I went from bedbound to more or less functioning. Frequently less, but way better than it was .... I managed that by devoting every small increment of time and brain function that I had to researching, reading, learning. Hard, because I'd forget what I just read almost before I finished the sentence. It took a very long time ....

So keep at it @hapl808 ..... there's an answer out there for you. It may not be THE answer, but it'll get you to the next level, from which you can reach the next level above that, etc etc etc ...

I learned not to disdain the 10%. Not only is it better than nothing, but it's the rung that'll get you to the next rung ....

 

[ljimbo423]

It's terrifying, because suddenly you become completely unmoored from the world as you know it and everything in it, including yourself. Like drifting in the infinity of space.

This is exactly how it feels Yippee! You nailed it!! It really is terrifying for those few seconds.

 

[YippeeKi YOW !!]

This is exactly how it feels Yippee! You nailed it!! It really is terrifying for those few seconds.

I hear 'ya about the terror. I think that's when the suicidal ideation may have begun tho I cant say for sure. It's a hard place to pitch a camp site ....

Imagine how it feels t @Sarahloudobby who seems to be coping with it on a much ore extended basis.

EDIT ... my spelling is just shite today. Everything looks ... odd ...like I've never seen it before

 

[ljimbo423]

Imagine how it feels t @Sarahloudobby who seems to be copping with it on a much ore extended basis.

Yes, I can't imagine what that must be like for you @Sarahloudobby. Do you have anxiety with this out of body experience?

 

[Sarahloudobby]

Hey everyone yes I suffer badly with anxiety. I was doing the food shop yesterday and just felt utterly exhausted and as though I wasn’t actually even really in the shop. It does feel like you’re unmoored what a great way to describe it.

 

[Emmarose47]

I used to have this in my early 20s nrly 30yrs ago ...
My anxiety was bad and id have depersonalisation .

I've had it a bit at times in more recent yrs but milder and I know myself better so it hasn't freaked me out as much ...
Well that and anti dep

 

[Rufous McKinney]

yes I suffer badly with anxiety. I was doing the food shop yesterday and just felt utterly exhausted and as though I wasn’t actually even really in the shop.

Its really intense here, too.

Yesterday was close to over the top awful: having to go do something in a government office in the next town, my husband drove....

If I could get the anxiety to be suspended, I"d only be JUST IMPAIRED at the appointment.

My gut and bladder refuse to cooperate on outings,. If those two body parts cooperated, I"d maybe last two hour once and a while out someplace...but instead....

but with this?

And what do people think?

(I could not successfully sign my entire name, my middle name being so long and full of the odd letters.

Elizabeth). And It won't fit in the allocated space.

And I"m chastised by an adult male. I also could not write the date in- date month year, numbers only.

It was suggested I would not last in the foreign country very long, with out understanding the Date Thing.

 

[Sarahloudobby]

i really hope you feel better soon. I feel like my health is in waves and troughs and at the moment I’m struggling at the bottom

 

[Emmarose47]

I hear u Sarah ...
It gets v waring doesn't it ...
Gentle care and self compassion