extremely depressed...just feel like dying

[*GG*]

i miss work so so badly...it was my social life...i miss buying my kids things...miss being independent...i feel like i have died does that make any sense? and what i am now someone in consist pain and fatigue a shell is what is left...so many other problems come with these illness and were maganifed...

i hate that these illness are so invisible and ive been made to feel embarassed for having these illness..

i know i shouldnt worry over everything but i do..im working with psych doctor and conselour on this...as i said its like so many other illness come with fibro/cfs and are magnigied so much..

I think it does make sense that you feel like you have died. I think it might be good to say good bye to your old life and try to accept your (our) new reality. It takes time, but I think this will be better for you in the long run (physically and emotionally).

Good for you for getting some professional help, I have done that on a few occasions.

GG

PS I have been sick since 2003, but luckily I can still work part time, but I have still suffered lots of losses in these few years.

 

[hurtingallthetimet]

thanks for the replies valentijn i take alot of medications for migranes anxiety the depression medications take pain medcications {sorry memory loss not sure names of all} but the morphine has helped to take edge off pain more than anything else it does sedate me very much and make me very loopy but i am pretty much house bound except for the shopping i do for family and doctors visits and if i drive which i hate then i cant take anything and it causes panic and worry for along time before i go and then i rush home to take my anxiety medications......i always over do it because i want to get as much done wehn i have to get grocerys or whatever so i dont have to make another trip so it cause a flare its a never ending cycle.....ive tried lots of medicaions and over counter stuff like different vitamins but had side effects to pretty much everything...

ggingues thats great that you can at least work part time...i really wish i could as i said i really miss getting out and working it was what i had always done my whole life and i really was a very hard worker...maybe someday there will be some medications that help that doesnt sedate or cause side effects...

i hope and pray i can let go of the past and let the person i was and all the good things that have died with these illness go...but it is very hard as alot on the board know im sure...
tahnks again

 

[Gavman]

I've hit bottom a couple of times with this illness where ive just completely let go and cried. In front of a close friend once, which was quite hard to do as he has judged me before but was still a decent mate. Things i found helpful was throwing away my crystal ball, which is my metaphor for the future and to stop guessing at what other people think and just be me regardless. The last was hard and i became more of a hermit or chose my friends more carefully.

Even when i had no money, it all went into health support. Does your country have medical benefits if you say you are depressed? That helped me pay $$s. Counsellors are good but its good to have someone with more tools to help rip out any root problems contributing to feeling so low.

 

[u&iraok]

thank you all again for the kind words and understanding....i hate that anyone else is going through these horrible illness but it helps to be able to talk to others that understand...i know we all struggle with so much being ill...its just i really thought that i would start getting better by now {thats what one doctor told me i would get better until well that anyone with fibro/cfs would} and i found a good doctor but still i keep getting worse and worse...seems like as time goes by i look back at 6 months or a year ago and im not able to do as much as i did then..and it bothers me...i hate needing familys help to do the few things i can still do on my on like going shopping..it wears me out and i use to love it...i miss doing fun things with the family and working and have a social life...and as ive mentioned i hate the huge weight gain...its very embarassing for anyone to see me that ive not seen in awhile..i always get that shocked look when they look at me because i use to be so thin and fit...

i know everyone is dealing with so much pain and fatigue and i do appreciate the kind words and knowing that im not alone...it helps alot...thanks

I thought I would get better, too. I also got ME/CFS in 2005 and recognized it right away and went to work on it. I did get a lot better but then I exercised like mad and went downhill. I don't know if it was that 3-5 year remission that I had and if I would have gone downhill anyway and how much the exercise caused me to go downhill, but it was difficult to accept that I probably won't get well, but I did accept it. But it doesn't mean I can't get somewhat better, hopefully. If not, I'll have to adjust again.

 

[vli]

A doctor told me the same too. I was originally told I'd be better in 2 years. I think they think I had what used to be refered to as post viral syndrome. This whole thinking one is going to get better yet finding one isnt, I think just delays acceptance of the whole illness.

THis is so true and doctors should NEVER say "I think you'll get better in x years" because I'll bet you anything when they say it they have no real scientific basis for saying it.

 

[Crappy]

Far too many of us know your pain.

I know for my condition I have found Cholestyramine incredibly helpful for pain. It is not a pain reliever of any kind; it is a Bile Acid binding Resin. The theory is Neurotoxins secreted by incompatible organism in your body excrete Neurotoxins as waste (or as an attempt to just kill the host). Depending on your Genetic disposition some people are more efficient at removing these toxins than others. (People with ancestry from Northern Hemispheres tend to be poorer at excreting them.)

The toxins in people who are poor at excreting them build larger and larger accumulations of the toxins and they interfere with body chemistry more and more. Cholestyramine binds to Bile Acids which carries the toxins and escorts them out of the body; relieving the pain and discomfort they produce. In the US Cholestyramine requires a prescription. Welchol is another product with the same action. After I found the problem and treatment I learned Yucca Root has been used for years for the same effect. I have no experience with Yucca Root, but would not be afraid to try it.

Maybe, like me, your discomfort could be helped by removing these toxins.

The best fix would be the targeted removal of the organisms causing the problem; to my knowledge science is far away from that.

Hope this helps.

 

[Carrigon]

THis is so true and doctors should NEVER say "I think you'll get better in x years" because I'll bet you anything when they say it they have no real scientific basis for saying it.

The first year of my illness, I went to a doctor who had our illness but could still work part time. He told me I would be okay in seven to eight years. Well, this was BS. I don't know why he thought that at all. And it gave me false hope. He used to give lectures about the disease at a local support group in NY. And he said his colleagues, all the other doctors, they made fun of him when they found out he had CFS. He said he used to walk down the hall of the hospital and they would point and whisper and say, that's the doc with the nut disease. So this guy really knew what we go through. But I still do not know why he thought I would be okay in seven or eight years. I wasn't. I'm still deathly ill twenty years later.

 

[Nielk]

The first year of my illness, I went to a doctor who had our illness but could still work part time. He told me I would be okay in seven to eight years. Well, this was BS. I don't know why he thought that at all. And it gave me false hope. He used to give lectures about the disease at a local support group in NY. And he said his colleagues, all the other doctors, they made fun of him when they found out he had CFS. He said he used to walk down the hall of the hospital and they would point and whisper and say, that's the doc with the nut disease. So this guy really knew what we go through. But I still do not know why he thought I would be okay in seven or eight years. I wasn't. I'm still deathly ill twenty years later.

Is some hope better than no hope at all?
I'm not sure. It could be wiyh your doctor Carrigon, since he had this illness himself that this was his personal experience. It could be that he gor better (not cured in that amount of time.

When I saw my CFS specialist, after I was ill for two years, he told me point blank that I have come to him too late and too sick. He put me on his protocol but told me upfront that my chances were slim that it would help me and he was right. He also told me that there is NO cure out there as of yet (which is true). I wonder if that information served me right. I went through a lot of phases of desperate depressions because of how lousy I felt and because I didn't have any hope.

 

[triffid113]

just need to vent..im so tired of being ill..im so depressed i just dont even want to get out of bed..in fact i dread having to get up and go through another day...i know i shouldnt say that but its the truth i cant help how i feel..everyday the pain and exhuastion is there..and its been so much worse since trying to do anytihng for the holidays and i do very very little but the least little thing wears me out even more..

i am on depression medications but i just feel so lifeless and drained....i hate the huge weight gain and i cant seem to loose any wieght...hate that i am such a burden on family and cant go out and do things...just at this age in my life i really thought things would be great and i feel like i am struggleing more than ever...in every way...i just wish some good things would happen for once in awhile...

just so drained...keep getting more and more ill...

Hi, I might be able to help just a wee bit. You know the CFS remedies are the bailiwick of Rick and Freddd and I can't add anything they have not said. But about depression I have found a 'happy pill' that works for me -- tyrosine. Tyrosine cuts appetite and is what your thyroid needs to make thyroid hormone. But it is also used to make dopamine, which seems to be the happy neurotransmitter. It makes me happy. I have the COMT genetic defects so that when I make dopamine (when I can finally make it as I have low BH4 too) then it stays around longer. If you do not there are oddly supplements that can cause the effect of a COMT genetic defect (idk what they are but I have run across references about this and promptly forgotton as it is not an issue with me). However when you are on drugs you have to consult with your doc to make sure nothing u take will prevent your drug from clearing (thus raising the dose). (Many substances such a curcumin, milk thistle, and even black pepper will do that). The tyrosine needs to be 500mg to 1g to work as a happy pill. I typically take 900mg.

The way I take it is as part of a diet formula that keeps your thyroid fuctioning while dieting plus I take another substance that helps the thyroid hormone get into the cells. These prevent me from getting the shakes from dieting:

http://www.iherb.com/Absolute-Nutrition-Thyroid-T-3-Original-Formula-180-Capsules/27664?at=0
http://www.iherb.com/Thorne-Research-Coleus-Forskohlii-60-Veggie-Caps/18578?at=0

Again these contain herbs and herbs are extremely likely to interact with meds. So maybe just the amino acid tyrosine for you. Also I read that carnitine helps the body to break down and utilize fat. Carbs are needed to break down fat. And magnesium is needed to utilize ATP (which someone said here is required to break down fat). idk if you can make use of any of that.

I just wanted to say that tyrosine makes a huge difference to me. I find I am happy all the time now that I started taking it.
I hope it is something that you can use and that will work for you. Nothing seems so bad when you are happy.

Trif