Flu like attacks are certainly what precipitated this illness for me. at first just like catching a normal flu, body achs, headache, burning hot one min, shivering cold the next and a burning irratation in my chest that was awful. then full recovery, then bang got it again, then full recovery, then got it again.
The time between attacks at first, were about 8 to 12 weeks, so the first 4 or five times i actually thought it was the flu, must have been a lot of strains that year lol. Whats interesting in understanding a potential CFS ME onset was, that when the fevers stopped after quite a few full blown deeply ill attacks. many of the symptoms i had when this chronic onset seemed to develop, also seemed to drift into the feverless episodes suggesting a connection ?
the burning irratation ( more irratation than burning, hard to describe ) the poisened feeling, sweating, nausea aching. visual and sound disturbance ( even smell ) vision very bright glowing colours, noise would upset me like it was making it harder to fight the symptoms or something. pulling me down mentally, and producing panic ( my kids shouting for example ) feeling faint ect ect, i suscept this is ringing a bell with a lot here.
Im convinced after many years of confusion about this, that a virus started my ME ( the symptoms overlapping when fevers stopped for example ) i have no idea what virus this was ( or if it was 1 virus or many ? ) but it certainly felt the same each and everytime.
One has to be careful though, because different viruses can produce the same or similar symptoms, So im still uncertain about that, But infection of some sort is a fact, if it was the same virus each time the early onset attacks started, then one wonders why i didnt build immunity to it, and how it could re develop, seems unlikely i kept catching different viruses when i had so many attacks, each feeling almost identical.
I think i still have this virus and that it is lifelong, even after lengthy periods of better health i still get ill, ( started up a bit more recently again CHEERS ) but almost always with no fever now, and symptoms much much less sever than those early attacks that felt like i was going to die.
The words of Dr peterson will not stop ringing in my brain about the bodys abillity to stop reacting to a virus, producing less sever symptoms even though a virus could still be present. I had a mild tempature recently with a crash, 99 f 100 f, with headach body achs light headed poisened feeling. but no cough or sore throat, i havent had a ME tempature for years ? so not sure what that was, but didnt seem like a cold or food poisoning.
Then recently a couple of milder crashes no fever, just a little trembily weak, and the poisened ill feeling. What ever it is, its still there. though my body seems stronger at either fighting it now. Or isnt reacting as much or as violently as the earlier days, all of 15 years ago.
I guess a immune dysfuntion could make me pick up more germs in the enviroment, and may not be just a reaction to one lifelong virus that caused all this. but then in some way maybe a little of the two things might be happening.
One thinks of xmrv, but i dont know yet if im positive or not. and will be ages untill the wpi uk study sheds light on that question. But damm i want to know this little bugger ( virus ) its name, i want it exposed to me. Hidden and destroying of the body and mind.
I will never fully mentally recover from these experiances, which now still leave me with fear and phobias, and a deep sadness that might be called self pity. But you know it was like so tormenting, how does one come out of this unscard ?
Some people are so brave, and i applaud those brave souls who complain little and just accept what deal we are given. But me no way, it was just terror. You can tell from my words this merry go round of uncertainty looking for a cause and a reason is almost obssesive. Buit i have to do it, i can not stop. I did for years then xmrv came along and now i want badly to figure this damm puzzle out again rather than accept the symptoms with a oh well ill never know approach.
To know my tormenter. Just let me have five mins in a boxing ring with it. Ill beat the living daylights out of it for scaring me , and scareing me so badly for years. and on and on and on. you all know the score apologies, once started and all that ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, And i am one of those that hopes xmrv is our truth, and yes i will be dissapointed if it is not. But i had nothing for years, at least theres hope of a reason and cure. even if it turns out not to be the case and i have nothing again. at least i had something for a bit.
JUST FOR A BIT