Between a rock and a hard place
Ok, Mark, that was enjoyable reading, almost poetry.
But I am a straight talker. At first, I thought you were being sarcastic. But I then saw the sincerity.
So, basically, are you leaning toward the whole mess being human flaws (ego, competition, unable to understand what you don't see, etc.) instead of sinister intent (corruption because of financial interests or mislead to cover up that the government caused the virus to be in humans)?
Glad you enjoyed it Tina. I did too. Almost
poetry? Maybe one day I'll write some actual
Or maybe not...
I was initially sarcastic and edited towards sincerity. At this moment in time I feel as though the paradox was that I was only able to write a sincere account by bowing to the inevitability of the rewriting of history. I had a choice between believing in a dark existence where everything was controlled by forces unknown and our suffering was engineered by evil hidden rulers, or believing that our human frailties and the imperfections of this world were equally adequate to explain the known facts. I was tortured by the impossible task of finding a way to definitively choose between the two alternatives. My pursuit of the truth led me inevitably towards the dark version, but as I strove to set it down in a provable and demonstrable way to establish it in the world and bring change, I found I always fell tantalisingly short; I was always missing one last piece of the jigsaw no matter which avenue I explored. And the pursuit of the missing piece that would establish once and for all the reality of that dark truth was harming my soul, and I was feeling mental and physical anguish from the agonising pursuit of an impossible goal, so that when equally compelling alternative explanations - mundane and earthly and backed up by documented data from authoritative sources - were subsubsequently presented to me, I found it was somehow less painful, less challenging, more nurturing of my own being to accept the official version of events. So in the end, as I said: "OK, I'll buy the story." It will be the story presented to the world, and the one that history will record, that much was eventually obvious because if there is a conspiracy, then it must be one, undivided, perfect and unassailable conspiracy - which is exactly what it is, and that's the truth - and the very act of attempting to challenge the lie which we are all obliged, forced, compelled to accept in this place requires sacrifice of one's self and is in any case inevitably doomed to failure. Whereas blinding ourselves to that truth, and meekly accepting the more comforting conventional story, proved comforting, and restored my spirit after my struggle to believe in the unacceptable truth. So in the end I decided that what was healing to my soul was to believe in the lie and bow down to the inevitable, that we cannot challenge our bondage and will be happier by deceiving ourselves that everything is exactly as it appears on the surface. By letting go of the futile pursuit of truth and preferring the lie, I could continue to be, here, in this place where the lie is the rule and the truth belongs to the rulers, not to me. I had the choice to believe the truth and be unhappy, or to believe a lie and be happy, so in the end, inevitably, my mind (was) adjusted in order to be able to make the choice to believe the lie of human frailty, not the truth of sinister intent, and thus I was healed.
Or to speak more plainly: I can't handle the truth, so it makes no sense for me to seek it, and in the end I must believe the lie, a script written to sooth my aching heart.
Paradoxically inexpressible. Believe what you want to believe, but in order to be happy, relax, and accept the lie without guilt or shame, because the only true nobility lies with the dark, hidden, unseen forces in the shadows that work tirelessly and ceaselessly and selflessly and soul-lessly to enslave us and protect us - for our own good - and not with the vain pursuit of a truth which cannot be accepted yet cannot be overturned.
I am not ungrateful Tina, and did not mean to sound sarcastic, and I am glad you can see that I am sincere. Yes, I am leaning that way. Do I really have any choice?