This week I did something I hadn't done in a while - I went to the cinema. I was very excited to see a movie in person, rather than on the TV at home. I drove myself there to meet a friend and spent most of my time simply sitting down, so hoped I wouldn't be too tired afterwards.
I really enjoyed the movie and felt on a kind of 'high' from all the visual and mental stimulation. I was so pleased to be behaving like a 'normal' person, I decided to push on and do a few errands afterwards whilst I was on a roll. I relished being out and about and getting things done. Perhaps going out wasn't too tiring after all?
This was disproved to me when I got back home and suddenly felt my remaining energy draining away quickly. This was the start of the inevitable 'Payback' that occurs after exerting myself. I went for a lie down and basically stayed in bed for the rest of the evening. I was still pleased I'd managed to get out and do something social though.
THE NEXT DAY
This is when the 'Payback' really hit. I felt exhausted. Actually ill and dizzy, which lasted the whole day. I understand that payback is part of the deal of going out; there's always an energetic price to pay, but I conveniently forget how bad it can be when I'm planning things! Excitement and optimism carry me through the outing. Only when it comes to paying the price afterwards do I think 'Oops!'
As a consequence of being exhausted and of being alone with my thoughts after the event, I get depressed. I tried to do One Thing for myself, like a 'normal' person, and this is what happens - total exhaustion for days! It just doesn't seem fair. I want to get out more, not less, but the repercussions are horrible.
IS 'PAYBACK' WORTH IT?
I reckon the Payback from my outing lasted three days. But, despite the consequences, I'm pretty sure I will be going out again soon! It makes such a difference to my mental health to socialise and feel like I'm participating in life, I just have to do it! Perhaps a shorter outing next time might reduce the Payback? Is there anything that you do that you feel is worth the exhaustion afterwards?