A guide on how to get CFS/ME.

If you follow this guide accurately you should have fully blown CFS within a month or so.

1) Force yourself to become really stressed over EVERYTHING. Don't hold back. Create tons of emotion and let it build up to extortionate heights. Get angry over everything. Cry about everything.

2) Try to imagine you are extremely ill. This should be the easiest rule on the list. Not many people realise how easy it is to do this. All you have to do is close your eyes and say it over and over again. "I am ill" "I am ill" "I am ill". If negative thoughts like "l will get better" cross your mind it won't work. Don't think negatively.

3) Become severely depressed. This should really convince any knowledgeable Dr as every CFS patient has depression. CFS never comes without a history of mental health issues so don't hold back on telling the Drs. They are always right and know everything. Never forget that. They are Gods. It's important to believe everything they say. God is never wrong...

4) Create immunities to all treatments. To do this you need to be strong and sit through all of your CBT sessions without being fazed. It can be a really traumatic experience for most participants but if you hang in their you should get through. The same goes for graded exercise but that's quite difficult for me to talk about so maybe not today.

5) Become an exercise-a-phobe. Once you've got this trait no Dr has the right to turn you away. Every cfs patient hates exercise no matter how easy it is to do.

Now you've got all those in check you finally have cfs. Good luck to everyone trying this out. It definitely works as all cfs patients go through something like this. Have fun and enjoy your new life as a fully fledged cfs patient.

Just a little parody on how cfs works lol. Dunno if anyone else has done this before but I hope you enjoy mine. It is a little rushed because I'm quite tired but I hope it's good.

Blog entry information

Last update

More entries in User Blogs