I've been suffering for over a decade now with chronic fatigue and with that came a lot of pain in my body. I'd have either constant discomfort or an unrelaxed feeling in the kidneys/adrenals, which I've experienced throughout all my adult life. It got much worse if I started doing something to improve my health like a better diet. The pain felt like a physical manifestation of "adrenal fatigue", I could always feel them. I would numb myself with food to reduce the discomfort. I also couldn't have any stimulants. I once got into a seaweed salt bath and couldn't sleep properly for 6 weeks.
I was extremely confused, no one else on the internet seemed to have this particular problem of kidney pain and hyper sensitivity to stimulants, so I wasn't sure what it could be.
After 10 years of trying lots of supplements, diets and ignoring the mental side, I started looking for therapists. I tried CBT, which was a waste of time, then I came across a video of someone who'd claimed to have cured her chronic fatigue. She mentioned reverse therapy, so spoke to a few practitioners and they suggested that I focus on trauma instead of reverse therapy.
Here's the interesting bit, after telling the therapist about the pain in my kidneys she asked, "have you ever been hit in your kidneys?" ... Well, in fact I had! It was my most traumatic memory from my childhood where I was beaten at full force, by an adult, around my kidneys for what felt like an eternity. I'd been carrying around that pain for 30 years.
After a lot of sessions, re-experiencing traumas, being in bed for lots of days the pain subsided in my kidneys for the first time in many years. It was extraordinary and I could have stimulants again without bizarre reactions (although I avoid them for obvious reasons).
Once that quietened down other areas of my body got louder. I noticed intense, constant, discomfort around my heart and intestines area. Through many more sessions and processing other traumas (some of the traumas could be more accurately defined as unprocessed negative emotions rather than the usual meaning of the word) the full-time pain gradually disappeared from my body in those areas, leaving only a little left now as I come to the end of the EMDR journey - I suspect in the next month or two.
However, EMDR hasn't been a linear journey of getting better. I made a lot of progress initially and stalled for a long time and changed therapists. The person who beat me was still in my life and when I saw them again, I almost had a panic attack and it set me back months. It took me a while to realise it was my current feelings towards them were causing problem rather than past traumas and that I still had parts of me that felt like that same vulnerable child around them.
All in all, it has made me understand that emotions have a strong effect on the physical and these areas of the body now function better without the constant tension and stress happening 24/7.
Am I recovered? I feel I'm close, but I'm sure if you're like me you've had many false leads. You will be the first to know if that ever happens. I'm struggling a lot with much post exertional malaise as I try to up my activity levels, I'll know if I ever overcome that, then I'll be done. But what I can tell you is I feel a lot better about myself, more confident, my personality has changed and the pain has gone. With the session I had last time, I unlocked a secret to my lifelong depression.
If you are interested in finding out more, I'd recommend a book called: The Body Keeps Score . It's big book, but you can skip all the chapters and go straight to the ones that focus on trauma/emotional recovery (which cover EMDR, other therapies, Yoga, etc). If I didn't have that book, EMDR alone wouldn't have made things better, as the chapter on Integrated Family Systems (IFS) therapy was pivotal for helping me get past my mental blocks in the EMDR sessions.
I was extremely confused, no one else on the internet seemed to have this particular problem of kidney pain and hyper sensitivity to stimulants, so I wasn't sure what it could be.
After 10 years of trying lots of supplements, diets and ignoring the mental side, I started looking for therapists. I tried CBT, which was a waste of time, then I came across a video of someone who'd claimed to have cured her chronic fatigue. She mentioned reverse therapy, so spoke to a few practitioners and they suggested that I focus on trauma instead of reverse therapy.
Here's the interesting bit, after telling the therapist about the pain in my kidneys she asked, "have you ever been hit in your kidneys?" ... Well, in fact I had! It was my most traumatic memory from my childhood where I was beaten at full force, by an adult, around my kidneys for what felt like an eternity. I'd been carrying around that pain for 30 years.
After a lot of sessions, re-experiencing traumas, being in bed for lots of days the pain subsided in my kidneys for the first time in many years. It was extraordinary and I could have stimulants again without bizarre reactions (although I avoid them for obvious reasons).
Once that quietened down other areas of my body got louder. I noticed intense, constant, discomfort around my heart and intestines area. Through many more sessions and processing other traumas (some of the traumas could be more accurately defined as unprocessed negative emotions rather than the usual meaning of the word) the full-time pain gradually disappeared from my body in those areas, leaving only a little left now as I come to the end of the EMDR journey - I suspect in the next month or two.
However, EMDR hasn't been a linear journey of getting better. I made a lot of progress initially and stalled for a long time and changed therapists. The person who beat me was still in my life and when I saw them again, I almost had a panic attack and it set me back months. It took me a while to realise it was my current feelings towards them were causing problem rather than past traumas and that I still had parts of me that felt like that same vulnerable child around them.
All in all, it has made me understand that emotions have a strong effect on the physical and these areas of the body now function better without the constant tension and stress happening 24/7.
Am I recovered? I feel I'm close, but I'm sure if you're like me you've had many false leads. You will be the first to know if that ever happens. I'm struggling a lot with much post exertional malaise as I try to up my activity levels, I'll know if I ever overcome that, then I'll be done. But what I can tell you is I feel a lot better about myself, more confident, my personality has changed and the pain has gone. With the session I had last time, I unlocked a secret to my lifelong depression.
If you are interested in finding out more, I'd recommend a book called: The Body Keeps Score . It's big book, but you can skip all the chapters and go straight to the ones that focus on trauma/emotional recovery (which cover EMDR, other therapies, Yoga, etc). If I didn't have that book, EMDR alone wouldn't have made things better, as the chapter on Integrated Family Systems (IFS) therapy was pivotal for helping me get past my mental blocks in the EMDR sessions.
Last edited: