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    Created in 2008, Phoenix Rising is the largest and oldest forum dedicated to furthering the understanding of and finding treatments for complex chronic illnesses such as chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS), fibromyalgia (FM), long COVID, postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS), mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS), and allied diseases.

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The crushing abyss, a glimmer of hope and poker

Juanita Vee

Senior Member
Messages
914
Location
Edmonton, AB
Just read your Jan 22 post and wanted to say you're not alone having hurt feelings when friends forget. It's important to forgive them, but I also think it's important for a person to remember their commitments, even if it's just with a friend. If it happens, they should make sure they aren't too busy or stressed about anything else and maybe make some changes. I had a sweet friend who ended up being just too busy for me. I definitely have forgiven her but had to stop planning things with her because of this. And that's ok too. :)
 

Rufous McKinney

Senior Member
Messages
13,206
People actually think about other people alot more than we realize...its just everyone is now so very very busy in this oversaturated way....

Nobody is calm and quiet much these days..unless is Self Care time, then off for a Latte and another social engagement.

I have a really good friend- and she simply has three jobs, a mortgage and teenagers. I have had to just accept that. And its ok. gosh I miss her. And I'll feel hurt, and ignored- and then BOOM you hear something and its ok again.

So its mostly more Ok than not.! if we notice.
 

Rufous McKinney

Senior Member
Messages
13,206
I have just posted this entry on my blog about my journey through uni

So here is a little secret I am willing to share....

This too shall pass....not referrring to the CFS, but to the angst that can at times feel very overwhelming- when your just starting your adult life..and college and ALL THAT. Its really really intense at that time.

And to deal with this type of thing, in this part of your life, is quite challenging..

So i would just encourage you to hang in there...I try very hard NOT to read this notebook I had when I was 20-22.
(why do I still have to have this when other more important things burnt up).

I really just didn't know how to fit into the world quite yet..and you stumble around for a while.

Hug yourself- and feel better ...:thumbsup:
 

Rufous McKinney

Senior Member
Messages
13,206
I have just posted this entry on my blog about my journey through uni

So now I am simply thinking about how hard it was for me to make friends sometimes.

There was something about all that which I didn't fully understand, and I had moved from a home town where you simply know everyone because- you just do, its historic, you went to sixth grade together.

I moved to a big city and knew nobody and no one. I got job three days a week, and I'm younger than everyone and decide THEY are the coolest people ever and I am a country bumpkin nothing. I was totally FLAILING.

10 months later..I kinda started to figure it out. I asked this woman alot of questions one day as we are cutting cheese, I am interest in HER life, in HER issues, and GUESS WHAT- literally she changes and becomes this GREAT new Friend who LIKES ME (sally field).

I didn't understand I needed to- attend to the fire of friendship, put some fuel and kindling there. (and that is hard, with this, i udnerstand...so maybe its just a little fuel....).

****
One of the best books ever written, remains: Dale Carnegie- how to Win Friends and Influence People.

Its timeless.
 
Messages
48
Just read your Jan 22 post and wanted to say you're not alone having hurt feelings when friends forget. It's important to forgive them, but I also think it's important for a person to remember their commitments, even if it's just with a friend. If it happens, they should make sure they aren't too busy or stressed about anything else and maybe make some changes. I had a sweet friend who ended up being just too busy for me. I definitely have forgiven her but had to stop planning things with her because of this. And that's ok too. :)

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful response.

Things are back to normal with my friend :). I have let his twisted thought pattern interfere with a friendship before and it played a big part in its downfall. So now I mask these fears and this blog is a useful outlet.
 
Messages
48
So now I am simply thinking about how hard it was for me to make friends sometimes.

There was something about all that which I didn't fully understand, and I had moved from a home town where you simply know everyone because- you just do, its historic, you went to sixth grade together.

I moved to a big city and knew nobody and no one. I got job three days a week, and I'm younger than everyone and decide THEY are the coolest people ever and I am a country bumpkin nothing. I was totally FLAILING.

10 months later..I kinda started to figure it out. I asked this woman alot of questions one day as we are cutting cheese, I am interest in HER life, in HER issues, and GUESS WHAT- literally she changes and becomes this GREAT new Friend who LIKES ME (sally field).

I didn't understand I needed to- attend to the fire of friendship, put some fuel and kindling there. (and that is hard, with this, i udnerstand...so maybe its just a little fuel....).

****
One of the best books ever written, remains: Dale Carnegie- how to Win Friends and Influence People.

Its timeless.

I have read that book too, it is a really good self-help book.

Active listening is an underrated skill, one in which I really appreciate the art of. I know from experience just how having an interest in someone can enhance a friendship, it just can be challenging with CFS, but I will endeavour to keep trying.