Robin, I have suboccipital lymph node pain too. I also get tons of swelling there when my symptoms are at their worst and bad occipital headaches. Gentle massage/lymph drainage and Advil help a little.
I have tender lymph nodes as well-exactly in the areas you have described it. I have some additional in my groin. Did you have you EBV, CMV titres checked?
Here is something similar to what I use to apply heat. It's palliative. Unfortunately I don't know of anything (besides what Kim mentioned) to treat the pain.