My fiance and I have been talking about having children. I suppose I'm crazy, but even with my fatigue I really want to have kids and be a mom. But I have a lot of concerns, and I don't know if there's any good research out there on this topic. I would love to hear your experiences, or if you have seen any research in this area.
I guess my first concern would be how a pregnancy would impact a mother with ME/CFS physically. And would any ill effects persist long afterward?
Another concern is miscarriage. I don't know much, but I feel like someone with autoimmune issues would be at higher risk?
And another concern is if a mother being sick would physically affect a baby as it developed? I remember seeing an article at some point about how there seemed to be a correlation between mothers who had the flu during pregnancy and autism. Would the chronic inflammation of ME/CFS in a mother also put a child at higher risk for developmental disabilities?
Thanks!
Rebecca
@RebeccaRe All I can add his my experience. ( Btw, before I start, I turned out to have had lifelong Lyme disease and EBV since age 4, positive CMV probably from patients. Had all the viruses as a child including both types of measles and chicken pox. My baby was perfect)
I had CFS before it was named, so I just thought I had a sleep disorder.
I got pregnant at 40, was thrilled since I'd given up;, but had zero support and was in the middle of planning to escape a scary verbally ABUSIVE sociopathic husband.
I can tell you, the baby was great.
I stopped sleeping after her birth- 2-3 hrs night the first year, and not working.
I got sick when she was two. I looked for answers but never got many. I had practiced medicine.
She's 19, and has only brief experiences of me being well.
Her dad divorced me when she was ten, got custody only because I couldn't work outside the home ( and he knew the judge where this was common).
If you trust your partner to stick with you if you aren't able to be like other moms, and you have built in caretakers ( sisters and grandmas) or can afford a nanny, it might be worth the trade off.
Being a parent is sacrifice. In my case, I sacrificed my health , career and eventually home.
So, look around you- will those people be there in 3,5,10,15 years if you get worse and never better?
The joy of having my daughter is profound.
The pain of all we both missed by my illness is also profound.
I had a " perfect" kid- she ate well, slept well, no colic, no tantrums, no learning problems, etc etc. If she'd had any special needs, we'd never have made it.
The immune system gets suppressed in pregnancy.
It was enough to reactivate what was fairly well controlled before.
The lack of sleep afterward was devastating.
That's just a given with small kids. Almost all new parents look exhausted.
Can you endure that?
I wasn't obviously ill or disabled when I got pregnant.
My daughter is 19 now, taking Jr and Sr Uni Math in her second year, and doing research.
She went to Community College instead of 10-12 grade.
Very intuitive, creative, high iq.
She paints, dances ballet, swims, etc.
She's beautiful too.
An amazing creature.
But my illness and her father's response to it, ( and the loss of our " other moms with kids" friends, as I got worse) has left her soul scarred; and she's been in therapy and on antidepressants from age 12.
We haven't lived together since she was 10-
Something I never imagined.
We haven't lived in the same state since she was 15- nothing I ever considered.
It breaks my heart.
Just make sure if you do, the people around you are as committed to you and your children as you are.
Not many men want a sick wife.
The ones who walked away from one are EVERYWHERE on the " Over 50" Dating Sites.