David Jackson
Senior Member
- Messages
- 195
A very brief background: have had CFS for five-and-a-half years, was getting very close to severe for quite some time. Was bed bound, now just house bound. Lost: wife, friends, community. Currently improving.
This morning I woke up at 4:30am from a dream that I was back in high school. As I lay there, I began musing about what I used to be like, and what advice I would give to my younger self, if I could somehow have the chance to impart some. After only a few moments of contemplation, though, I became so disgusted with the material that I had to work with, that I thought:
“This fool has so much he needs to learn that I wouldn’t be able to teach him everything in just one sitting. Better for him to get sick and learn from all of the adversity that is coming his way.”
It then occurred to me then, that, although I could have told my younger self how to avoid getting sick, I wouldn’t have done it, opting instead for him to learn the lessons much more completely through suffering and experience. The suffering would do him a lot of good, I thought.
In a flash, realised that this is the closest that I’ve ever come in terms of feeling grateful for CFS, and wanted to share that realisation with the community here.
I knew that I had heard something like this before, so I opened Robert E. Howard’s novel, Conan the Barbarian, and found the passage that I sought. I’ll leave you with this quote. The following excerpt is Conan’s father speaking to a young Conan, regarding swords, life and the Riddle of Steel:
“The heart of a man is like a piece of unworked iron. It must be hammered by adversity and forged by suffering and the challenges flung by the thoughtless gods, nigh unto the point of breaking. It must be purified and shaped on the anvil of despair and loss.
“Only when your heart has become as steel will you be worthy to wield a keen-edged sword in battle and win against your enemies, as did the gods when they conquered the dark giants. When you have mastered the mysteries of steel, my son, your sword will be your very soul.”
This morning I woke up at 4:30am from a dream that I was back in high school. As I lay there, I began musing about what I used to be like, and what advice I would give to my younger self, if I could somehow have the chance to impart some. After only a few moments of contemplation, though, I became so disgusted with the material that I had to work with, that I thought:
“This fool has so much he needs to learn that I wouldn’t be able to teach him everything in just one sitting. Better for him to get sick and learn from all of the adversity that is coming his way.”
It then occurred to me then, that, although I could have told my younger self how to avoid getting sick, I wouldn’t have done it, opting instead for him to learn the lessons much more completely through suffering and experience. The suffering would do him a lot of good, I thought.
In a flash, realised that this is the closest that I’ve ever come in terms of feeling grateful for CFS, and wanted to share that realisation with the community here.
I knew that I had heard something like this before, so I opened Robert E. Howard’s novel, Conan the Barbarian, and found the passage that I sought. I’ll leave you with this quote. The following excerpt is Conan’s father speaking to a young Conan, regarding swords, life and the Riddle of Steel:
“The heart of a man is like a piece of unworked iron. It must be hammered by adversity and forged by suffering and the challenges flung by the thoughtless gods, nigh unto the point of breaking. It must be purified and shaped on the anvil of despair and loss.
“Only when your heart has become as steel will you be worthy to wield a keen-edged sword in battle and win against your enemies, as did the gods when they conquered the dark giants. When you have mastered the mysteries of steel, my son, your sword will be your very soul.”
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