I wish I knew how. I have been coping badly. I had always been introverted and required a lot of time alone, and I am grateful that I previously had that disposition. I was no stranger to being alone with my thoughts. With that said, this level of isolation has been completely heart breaking for me. I rarely ever see any friends in person, and cannot do video chat or talk on the phone. I do have a couple close friends that I text with when I feel up to it, but I also feel myself drifting away from them. It is hard to feel connected to them when they are young and healthy and I am confined to a bed. Although they are understanding, they do not truly understand. I feel like the loneliness has gotten harder to cope with over time, rather than easier. In the beginning, I viewed my illness like a forced isolation that I needed to experience to grow and now my mind is screaming - ENOUGH, please get me the hell out of this situation! I miss being apart of the world and nature and occasionally isolating on my own terms.
I am incredibly grateful that I live with my mom and my dog. I sometimes have long periods where I am too sick to speak to my mom. She has always been one of my best friends, and we would have deep conversations about life, death, all things in between. Now my ability to communicate and cognitive issues make it hard for me to even have in depth conversations at all. I have days it is a struggle to even say I want a glass of water. Due to thieeven having someone in my home hasn’t cured the loneliness.
Things that have helped me a bit are sites like this, the Mighty and other chronic illness groups. I have been looking for pen pals, but it is likely a hard sell when I say I am bedridden, cannot meet up, cannot talk on the phone or video chat. I wonder if some people question that I am even real. I once posted a thread about pen pals to an ME page and there were crickets. Not sure if no one wants a pen pal anymore or if we’re all just too exhausted to answer.
My heart goes out to you.
