So my question is: are there any foods that are generally considered fairly safe for everyone with IBS, or does it have to be a case of trial and error for every person because everyone different? e.g. what about boiled brown rice?
Sorry, but it's different for everyone, although there are some foods thought to be more likely to be safe in general, like sticky rice and chicken (broth if you can't take the whole meat).
Some foods are more likely to bother more people, like eggs, soy, wheat and/or gluten, milk, peanuts, tree nuts, fish, shellfish, corn, chamomile (particularly for people with hay fever), nightshades, and mushrooms. (Edible nightshades include potato, tomato, eggplant, and peppers/capsicum: a person could be sensitive to a few of these or all of these). Such lists are a good place to start looking for intolerances, if a person doesn't know where to start. For IBS, add fiber, especially insoluble fiber, but it's not unknown to be sensitive to soluble fiber.
FODMAP helps some people, doesn't help (or makes worse, if it results it having people eat more of something they're intolerant of) others.
I guess any other remedy is the same.
I can't have lamb, keifer, oatmeal, chamomile, potatoes...
Fennel seed tea does help me a little.
Sorry that you are going through this, Bob. It makes things difficult as I understand all too well.
Just a note about the D problem, anyone who has this newly and it's severe, or has it to a newly severe extent, and it persists more than 3 days, should be seen in clinic to check for infections, especially if it's watery or they have cramping pain. Particularly if they've been to a hospital, clinic, or nursing home lately or been on antibiotics.