How to say that you don't have energy to do something without sounding lazy?

[Hipsman]

Simply saying "I don't have enough energy to do that" sounds like something a lazy person would say, so it's very easy for people to assume that a part of the problem is lazyness, what alternatives to that phrase have you successfully used to avoid sounding lazy?

On that note, what alternative to "I can't do that becouse I need to save energy for more important staff" have you successfully used to avoid sounding lazy?

 

[CaitOS]

I've started naming what it is for me, a disability. People understand that far more easily. I just reference that it's a non-visible one and that I can't physically do xyz. Still finding it hard to even admit this to myself but makes interactions like this easier. But for me, it's often not energy, it's weakness or flu like symptoms or stomach issues. Hope that helps! I wish we could worry less about how we're perceived but we are human after all.

 

[Hipsman]

I wish we could worry less about how we're perceived but we are human after all.

That would be sweet. My main concern however is that when simply stating that you don't have enough energy (right now) people don't leave you alone that easily and you sometimes end up in an argument over "Do you really not have energy or is it more about you not wanting to do it?". If only there was a way to rephrase that to not mention energy at all or something...

 

[CaitOS]

That would be sweet. My main concern however is that when simply stating that you don't have enough energy people don't leave you alone that easily and you sometimes end up in an argument over "Do you really not have energy or is it more about you not wanting to do it?". If only there was a way to rephrase that to not mention energy at all or something...

That's why I just say I can't physically do it because of a disability, and not reference energy at all.

 

[Hipsman]

That's why I just say I can't physically do it because of a disability, and not reference energy at all.

Yea, but there's alot of chores like cleaning the house that you could've easy done on one ocation, but not the other, so you can't say that you can't...

 

[Mohawk1995]

My main concern however is that when simply stating that you don't have enough energy (right now) people don't leave you alone that easily and you sometimes end up in an argument over "Do you really not have energy or is it more about you not wanting to do it?". If only there was a way to rephrase that to not mention energy at all or something...

I think it is great to communicate clearly in these situations (as CaitOS has suggested), but it is also on the person you are speaking with to "learn" to think differently about you. They have a responsibility to get to know you enough to know you are not simply saying you don't want to do it. I am speaking from the person (me) who listened to my son and now listens to my wife when she says she doesn't have the energy. I am not saying it is easy and at first (still occasionally) I did not respond the best. But if these are people who really care about you, they should work with you to get to a better place where they understand things more. Not perfect, but by both people giving each other some grace it gets better.

 

[Hipsman]

I think it is great to communicate clearly in these situations (as CaitOS has suggested), but it is also on the person you are speaking with to "learn" to think differently about you. They have a responsibility to get to know you enough to know you are not simply saying you don't want to do it. I am speaking from the person (me) who listened to my son and now listens to my wife when she says she doesn't have the energy. I am not saying it is easy and at first (still occasionally) I did not respond the best. But if these are people who really care about you, they should work with you to get to a better place where they understand things more. Not perfect, but by both people giving each other some grace it gets better.

Good points Mohawk1995. But still, coming up with better phases to describe this stuff is important, becouse by not sounding lazy you can get to better place where they understand things more much faster.

 

[Wishful]

I'm more likely to say that I have chronic neuroinflammation that limits what I can do or which I really have to struggle to overcome in order to do things.

It's not unreasonably to say that the chronic neuroinflammation causes 'sickness behaviour'. Whether it's technically true or not, or if you just don't like the term (some object to it), it's still pretty close. If the listener needs clarification, say that it's that feeling you get when you have the flu that makes you just want to hide under a blanket until it goes away ... and with ME it never goes away entirely.

Everyone faces a mental hurdle of some degree when there's a task that needs doing. ME raises that hurdle to a very challenging height.

 

[Hipsman]

I'm more likely to say that I have chronic neuroinflammation that limits what I can do or which I really have to struggle to overcome in order to do things.

If only there was a word to describe "experiencing increased worsening of energy level due to chronic neuroinflammation" (or similar definition), preferably a word that a "normal" person would understand...

EDIT: Although, "I experience increased worsening of energy level due to chronic neuroinflammation" could be the magic phrase to replace "I don't have enough energy to do this right now"

 

[Wolfcub]

I am not very good at "coming out" to other people. Mostly I try to mask it, but fortunately I don't have anyone too present in my life to bother about what I do and when, which is a blessing though it can be lonely also.

It's quite difficult to describe unless they have empathy and a grasp of ME/CFS.

I say it's rather like having some money but not a lot in a bank account. So....if you buy one item, it may mean you can't also buy your groceries for that week, until more money comes in re: your earnings, allowance, or pension etc.

And the "interest" payments required if you DO go overdrawn are so high that it can take days, or even weeks to pay them off.

Substitute earnings. allowance, and pension for RESTING -re-charging that energy deficit.

Still, someone who isn't clued up about ME/CFS still wouldn't really understand.

I think a lot of the problem is many of us look okay. We (women anyway re: the make up!) might even do our hair nicely or put a bit of make up on to cheer ourselves up. I know I do when I can. So people who see us say "You look well!". I just say "Thanks".

If I feel weird while talking to them, I often say that I'm overtired and need to rest, then go home.

 

[Wishful]

"experiencing increased worsening of energy level due

I avoid any terms involving energy level because I don't consider that a problem for me. I *think* my ATP levels are normal, unless it's limited only in some small specific clump of brain cells. I don't think that at any point in my ME my body was incapable of a 40 km bike ride or 6-hr hike; I just didn't have the motivation to do so. So for me, it's a problem with whatever brain cells are responsible for deciding whether to do a task now or put it off until later. I think of it as a mental hurdle to jump over. Whether ME makes the hurdle higher or my mental legs weaker is difficult to answer.

 

[Hipsman]

it's that feeling you get when you have the flu that makes you just want to hide under a blanket until it goes away

Tried this when I was asked "how do I feel right now?" Worked great, much better then explanation that I was using before! We need more good ways to explain stuff such as this.

 

[ahmo]

@Hipsman Several years ago someone posted a way of relating to people who don't understand. Imagine you're wearing a suit filled with sand. And imagine trying to do any activity w/ that extra burden of weight. I can't remember if it was a vid or a text thread. I found it a very apt metaphor.

Like Wolfcub, I don't have the problem because ME has made me a recluse. Was very hard at first, now I'm grateful to not have to please anyone. good luck.

 

[Imse]

I've started to tell people that I have a neurlogical disability and that I can't do what they ask of me without getting realy ill. I will, but I can't. This makes the discussion a lot shorter, no more, are you sure you can't, you can rest tomorrow etc...

Using the energy card is a bad idea, as you say, it sounds like we are lazy. Use the disability card, we are actually realy ill. I have yet to met a lazy ME patient, most of us are unfortunately the oposite, we are too active for our own good.

 

[Hipsman]

I have been telling that I feel as if I had high fever 39°C and it works great!

Also just now had a conversation with my grand dad that basically went like this:
- Please ventilate your room, it smells bad...
- Maybe it's all in your mind?? Your negative thinking can make you smell stuff that doesn't exist.
- Don't make a fool out of me!
- OK, next time you will tell me it's all in mind I will reply "Don't make a fool out of me".
- I know what I smell, If I say it smells then it smells!
- OK, next time I will just say "I know my health, If I say my condition 100% physical, then it is!"

I can see this "reverse psychology" strategy being applied in allot of situations, it seems to make a positive impact

 

[pamojja]

On that note, what alternative to "I can't do that becouse I need to save energy for more important staff" have you successfully used to avoid sounding lazy?

Since I mostly suffered from terrible PEMs, therefore I try to aquaint to this unknown concept before anything else, in all its practical ramifications.