hi Jennifer,
thanks for your kindness and ideas.
Im a US citizen but outside the US right now.
I could probably get a plane ticket back but would not have enough money to live even frugally.
I need care from someone regularly as although i can physically move around things are only getting worse.
I only get out of bed because I need exercise and can't sleep if I don't move around.
On top of this my spine is starting to hurt from lying down so much.
I only have enough energy to shower once every couple days.
I can't even remember when I posted this original thread but it's taken me this long to reply and I'm still extremely exhausted typing this now. that should give you some idea of my energy levels.
cooking is too much. sometimes I just fall asleep on the floor because I can't make it to the bed
Im coherent but I notice my memory going also
going out in public, forget it. the stress and anxiety is insane, not to mention the racism, ignorance and general lack of acceptance of the people in this country is way too much. I don't get how even healthy people from other countries can harmoniously live here. maybe they can't either. anyway, this is a sub-topic that I should probably ask for more advice on- how people with CFS\ME deal with going out in society.
I have no family or friends who are willing to help and only about 8 weeks left on my visa here.
If I go back to The US, which I really don't want to do for a variety of reasons, I have nowhere to go and would be homeless. given that I can only make it to the grocery store maybe once a week and Im pretty much living off delivered goods and convenience store food when necessary, homelessness would just land me in death. couldn't do it and wanting to regain my health.
I don't think this is a viable option with my current health but if I had my own place and garden and could live off the grid I could possibly survive, but that's about it. Honestly I don't think I have the energy but what do you do in my situation?? fuck if I know.
I want to get better but this may be my only option for now. but then i would probably need someone to do all the research and actually make it happen for me so that's probably not gonna happen. was researching about yerts a while back. still keeping my mind open.
however you mentioned someone posted about free land they had in New England a while back. any more info on that post?
thanks again
Andy
(I just wrote what's below, and reread your post and it said without help from others. I'm not sure if it's because you don't have the help of others or your not comfortable taking the help from others. Some of what I wrote does include finding help from others. It's hard but survival sometimes necessitates it. I know. I've always been extremely independent. Worked as a child to pay for things. I cried when I had to apply for food stamps . It was so humbling. Accepting help from others was hard and still isn't easy the times it comes my way, yet I'm so grateful for it.)
I lost some of what I wrote so I hope this isn't too disjointed as I try to rewrite those parts.
Andy, I'm so sorry. This illness is so hard to begin with and then to not have enough money to eat or afford a place to live on top of it. Here's a little of what I went through if it may be of help with some suggestions and ideas for you below.
Being in a new city, sick, deathly allergic to cats (which everyone I knew had), and a family who didn't believe I was sick and thought helping me would be enabling me, I went through several years not sure how long I was going to be able to stay housed. I remember looking at abandoned houses and buildings when I was on the bus and making a note of them, that it might be a possibility of a place to live. I wouldn't be able to stay in homeless shelters due to the extent of my health and abilities, if they even had room for the night, and most of them you had to be out in the morning . Sometimes if I had enough energy, I would go to homeless dinners.
I'm not sure where you live or how much health you have. I'm not sure what programs they have to help with housing, cost of things, food or disability where you are or if you can get some where they have more. If you say what country you live in, state and the city if you are comfortable, people here might be able to point you to resources and ideas in your area.
I had charge cards initially while I fought 7 years for my disability. I kept making minimum payments and kept taking money out of them and increasing my credit line so I could live. I lived like a pauper to stretch it as long as I could. I was thinking I'd be able to go back to work at some point and pay them off, or my disability back pay would cover it. After that, mainly "the kindness of strangers" (thankfully) helped me minimally to keep me housed (in a room in a building with shared bathrooms ) until my disability came through. (I'm still there now.) Amazingly most of the people that have helped as they could were barely surviving themselves.
I know a lady with ME/CFS that lives in a trailer with her boyfriend on the streets. Some people with vehicles were living in Walmart parking lots or out in the desert. Ideas I've thought about . Some cities have programs where you can live with older people. What would be expected of you and cost could be worked out. Maybe someone only needs someone there for safety reasons and in exchange you can not pay rent.
Someone also recommended back then for me to go to support groups if I could, when I could. Even groups like the various Anonymous groups (AA, Coda...), because people there would most likely understand the predicament I'm in, have empathy, and possibly could help me out.
Are there social workers where you live? They could help with some resources. I know they might not be able to do much. At the least I would hope they could help you get food and on any housing waiting lists, help applying for disability, and possibly some monthly money until you can get disability. We can fall through the cracks with ME/CFS, having other things going on can get you more help some times. Hopefully, there's help for you where you are at.
If you can get some kind of minimal money, maybe you can share a room or a studio with someone until your disability comes through. I'm not sure how your health is and if that would work for you to hold you over.
I hate that you are going through this. I wish I had a yard and ideally a house and money so I could help you and others. I hope some of this and the suggestions and experiences of others here may help you, and that you'll find good housing and be able to get help with food. My thoughts are with you. I wish I could do more.
One more thought just came to me, I'm not sure if you are in the U.S. Someone on our forum posted a while back that he had some land if anyone wanted to stay there. I think it was in the New England area.