How do you accept the negative impact on your physical appearance in a superficial world?

[Violeta]

I bought a tube of hydrocortisone and have been smearing it on my face to see what it would do and it really has a good effect. It smooths out the under eye issue. I'm not so interested at this point in the effect of improving my appearance as what a physiological dose might do for my overall energy, resistance to viruses, and sensitivity to food and chemicals, but I imagine it would slow down the aging.

 

[Mouse girl]

Did something happen right before the last year and a half that you can think of?

Well, yes, something horrific and huge. Acutually had lots of trauma and loss and ptsd before the last year and 1/2 but the big thing that ruined my life was me getting hit and trauma after trauma after trauma and being all alone as my dad had died suddenly and other very hard things, like my brothers suing me for what he left me in his will etc. Then the pandemic hit and all these people i knew were scaring me telling me to sell my house, had this horrific abusive therapist pushing me to sell my home and feeding my irrational fears that were from the ptsd, having a friend push me to sell, all these people feeding the ptsd irrational fears and dismissing my very good, rational reasons to not sell and then the ptsd took over. And I became detached and not really taking in that i was really leaving and not taking in how i felt about it, never did anyting like this ever before. Losing my safe place, the home that i lived in my whole life and loved and the area i lived in my whole life and loved and felt safe and secure in and had my whole life set up there to accomadate my illness, and the emotional attachement and connection to my parents and the nature and peace i had at that place and that could easily take care of it etc. Losing my whole world while traumatized and during covid, well, sent me over the edge. Now i have a house that needs so much work, is in a place i don't know at all and i can barely function as i've had a complete breakdown and suffer immence depression and horrific anxiety and terror, can barely leave teh house or never have a moment of peace or being ok. I had joy at home, even during hard times, i loved it there, it helped me heal and i loved that i felt my dad there with me. And that place was worth so much more money and would only go up in value and paid for. Prices went up so much, now i have a place that is a wreck that cost the same that i sold mine for and it's in a area i dont like and don't know at all but is safe. couddn't afford a home at my old area. I'm turamatized, under enormous stress and strain with all the serious problems with ths house that the inspector didn't note and not up to to any of it. sad beyond belief. lost too much in a few years. I have no family at all,, have no one who has my back. so yeah. that's the story in brief.

 

[Boba]

I was a model doing tv ads and campaigns, now I gained 15kg and look pretty f‘ed up and unhealthy. How do I cope? I don‘t … It‘s just the way it is and I accept it. For now. I still hope they find a cure for this hell.

 

[YippeeKi YOW !!]

@Mouse girl
Good to see you again , but sad that you're still stuck in the same place . I've posted soooooo much to you about this, and at such length down the last year-plus, that I really dont have anything new to say. You really need to find a way to let go and stop rehearsing the past and looking for a way to place blame. It can't change anything. But letting go of all that will change your life ....

The bottom line is that you made a decision you regret under the dual pressures of stress and grief .... believe me, we've all been there. No shame, just life.

But staying in that confined and confining place of anger and regret won't heal you, or make you feel better, or improve your life, or change the past. It'll just consume you, a little bit at a time.

Resentment eats its own container .....

EDIT ... for clarity. And sme typos ....

 

[YippeeKi YOW !!]

I still hope they find a cure for this hell.

I'm not sure "they" will, but I' pretty sure we will. One revelation at a time. Little by little.

I'm so sorry for what you've ..... not so much lost, but mislaid for the time being.

It's hard to lose something that defined us to a large degree, and we all have. Which doesnt make what you lost any easier to take.

But you can get it back. I know it doesn't seem like an option or even a possibility right now, or anything that you want to spend fragile energy on, even if you had it to spend.

But things change ....

 

[Violeta]

Well, yes, something horrific and huge. Acutually had lots of trauma and loss and ptsd before the last year and 1/2 but the big thing that ruined my life was me getting hit and trauma after trauma after trauma and being all alone as my dad had died suddenly and other very hard things, like my brothers suing me for what he left me in his will etc. Then the pandemic hit and all these people i knew were scaring me telling me to sell my house, had this horrific abusive therapist pushing me to sell my home and feeding my irrational fears that were from the ptsd, having a friend push me to sell, all these people feeding the ptsd irrational fears and dismissing my very good, rational reasons to not sell and then the ptsd took over. And I became detached and not really taking in that i was really leaving and not taking in how i felt about it, never did anyting like this ever before. Losing my safe place, the home that i lived in my whole life and loved and the area i lived in my whole life and loved and felt safe and secure in and had my whole life set up there to accomadate my illness, and the emotional attachement and connection to my parents and the nature and peace i had at that place and that could easily take care of it etc. Losing my whole world while traumatized and during covid, well, sent me over the edge. Now i have a house that needs so much work, is in a place i don't know at all and i can barely function as i've had a complete breakdown and suffer immence depression and horrific anxiety and terror, can barely leave teh house or never have a moment of peace or being ok. I had joy at home, even during hard times, i loved it there, it helped me heal and i loved that i felt my dad there with me. And that place was worth so much more money and would only go up in value and paid for. Prices went up so much, now i have a place that is a wreck that cost the same that i sold mine for and it's in a area i dont like and don't know at all but is safe. couddn't afford a home at my old area. I'm turamatized, under enormous stress and strain with all the serious problems with ths house that the inspector didn't note and not up to to any of it. sad beyond belief. lost too much in a few years. I have no family at all,, have no one who has my back. so yeah. that's the story in brief.

Wow, so sorry for all you've been through and are still going through.

 

[hapl808]

How do I cope? I don‘t … It‘s just the way it is and I accept it

I think this is a big part of 'coping' for us, whether it's physical appearance, or inability to do basic tasks, etc. It just is and we don't have a choice. Acceptance can make it easier to process, but easier said than done. Some days I do okay with that, some days I don't.

There is this basic difference: people whose medical issues get addressed. Then there is us, and nothing gets addressed.

And this is one of the things that makes me angry about the histrionic response to Long Covid.

Not that I think it's overblown, but it's the exact same damn stuff we've seen doctors for and carefully tracked and researched and tried desperately to treat. In response, we get told we're depressed or hypochondriacs or deconditioned or maybe we should "try going outside and exercising" or whatever.

But now the Long Covid people at least get some understanding that we didn't, and still don't. Very few people have said, "OMG, this is exactly what the ME/CFS people have been saying for years, and now it's pretty obvious that viral onset ME/CFS is a thing." Instead they give it a new name and ICD code, so we're still left out.

I expect eventually the Long Covid people who get better will attribute it to whatever protocol they took, and the ones that didn't will eventually get a psychiatric diagnosis. They will probably rebrand conversion disorder to cover the persistent Long Covid cases.

 

[Mouse girl]

Wow, so sorry for all you've been through and are still going through.

thank you. I've been in trauma mode for awhile and all the compounded losses and stress caused a breakdown. So, i am only capable of doing the best i can and surviving right now. I have a good therapist now and she lets me know that i am in truama still with all the new huge stresses going on so i can't even process the other stuff yet and that is ok. she's just been helping me survive it for now. It's very nice to have someone who understands this stuff and it's just telling me to get over it as these are huge losses and meant so much to me adn when they stack up one after another with no break and you have no support of loved ones, it makes it much worse on you, your brain can't handle it and gets more and more messed up. Working very hard to get through each day and do the best i can.

 

[Consul]

We live in a superficial world where looks and appearance means a lot, unfortunately. How do you deal with looking more and more awful by the week?

I think looking at it from different perspectives can help it to some degree but these things might be hard to fully accept. In politics you will often hear people talking about economical inequality but in our society there is really a number of inequalities and all of them matter for your quality of life. Here is one way i have attempted to divide things up into 8 general inequalities including some examples:

Physical health (me/cfs, cancer, etc vs great health)
Psychological health (eating disorders, depression, bipolar etc)
Looks/attractiveness (thousands of matches on tinder vs few matches; more respect and popularity etc)
Life events (dying young, subject of violence, addiction etc vs someone winning the lottery)
Resources (high education and income gives safety vs people in debt and dead end jobs)
Background/family (Being an immigrant, having a bad upbringing, bad parents etc vs safe early life)
Abilities (social skills, intelligence, etc vs incompetence or clumsyness)
Character (stigma, personality issues, rigidity, gender or sexuality issues etc vs no issues)

That said these things cant necessarily be compared easily and there will be some overlap but it gives some perspective still.

 

[Replenished]

@Replenished
Are y'all still with us, or have we talked you into a deep, soothing slumber?

I love this thread, and thank you again for it .

Haha yes still with you. Just a bit of a bad weekend but still reading through the many replies and enjoying the thread