I am Catholic, and got lucky in the past year when I realized that a great Catholic church is close to me, one that has a lot of energy and enthusiasm (which you don't always find in Catholic churches).
But the thing I like most (because I realize enthusiasm isn't the problem we are talking about), is that the priest who often does the homilies is very realistic. He will often say things that echo how hard life can be, such as, "I have a friend that I am struggling to forgive." Or, "This is my last mass of the day, and I am weary from trying to keep up, at my age. I am praying to the Holy Spirit for strength." Yet his "sermons" are very uplifting. I think it is good to just admit that life is hard, and there aren't always answers. We all struggle. I have come to realize that a lot of people, even people who don't have fatigue, have things that they are struggling with. The best we can do is pray to God, that He will support us through tough times. It helps to feel like you aren't alone in your struggles. It does no good to just paint over them and pretend like they aren't there. So I would say, try to find a church where you feel people are realistic.
We had a reading from the Bible not too long ago in church (and forgive me, I am not sure which book from the New Testament it is from)......about a women, a Gentile, who needed something from Jesus. And she nagged him repeatedly while He was out with His followers, yet He ignored her. Finally, after she continued, He addressed her, and said something like, "Blessed are you," etc etc, and took care of her request. The moral is that sometimes Jesus wants us to push harder and strive more for Him, even when we feel we are being ignored, and it's that struggle and persistance that eventually will make us blessed. He didn't just address her, he praised her (if I recall, you'll have to look up the story, but he basically singled her out). And this is considering that she was a Gentile, who were considered to be "below" the Jews at the time. Sometimes things don't seem fair, and we feel like we are striving but getting nothing, and that is the point that Jesus lets us know to continue seeking Him, because it will eventually pay off. If Jesus wouldn't have ignored her, she wouldn't have had as big of a "pay off" in the end. He wanted her to keep persisting, as strange as that sounds. So that is what keeps me going, learning from the Bible that struggle is a natural part of seeking God, and it is something that God rewards (at least with affirmation).
I am not saying (with the story) that you should persist in going to church, but moreso that struggle is one of those things that just happens, and Jesus does recognize what we are going through. Sometimes gratification is not instant, but the fact that we keep seeking God/Jesus despite that is a good thing.
I really think your personal relationship with Jesus is what will carry you through. It isn't as important to go to church (in my opinion) as it is to have a great bond to Jesus and God. Anyone can go to church, but not everyone strives for that relationship, and not everyone is that willing to open up their life/thoughts to Jesus. Church can help bring you even closer, but it will not build that relationship for you. So it is a good thing that your soul is still seeking Jesus, despite the challenges. It is actually very encouraging and touching to hear about how much someone's (Tulip's) heart is seeking and benefitting from God's love. He is calling us all to be closer to Him. So it is good that you are opening your heart, in my opinion. I have also really benefitted from surrendering my heart over to Him lately. It is really one of the things carrying me through this, and helping me to become a better person along the way. I have been leaning on God, and in turn, He has been challenging me to grow as a person.
