Feelings

[sunshine44]

Feeling really emotional today.

I have now spent every single holiday this year in bed and alone mostly.

There are not words.

I have done everything to get better.

I hope and pray my brain can heal more so it doesn't feel this way.

Needed to get these words out as I am sobbing.

 

[jesse's mom]

I am here. I understand, I got up today... two hours. I am overdone. Still better than last year. It can get better. Please try to rest. We cannot help but cry some. Let it out, love!

 

[sunshine44]

Thank you. This is worse than my last year. So …..really upsetting me.

Were you not able to get up last year at all?

My God, it is so hard to not lose out minds in this.

Then I have had lke 4 good moments past month and I forget what I am even dealing with and all I am doing is living in the now and dreaming of future.

Then these moments I am dealing with all night and day every day are so difficult I don't know how my body can keep doing it...then fear creeps in. Then, I think no one has ever come out of it as bad as me blah, blah, blah.

I need to turn that record off.

The difficult part is, I will push myself to do something simple then just totally become so disoriented and fear creeps in and I then have to recover. Like I know my name, etc. but it is so overwhelming and happens soooo much since August. It feels like brain damage. But my cat scans are always fine, tiny lesion showed up last year on mri but extremely tiny and a lot of healers have said it has been healing, time will tell. I am sure this is related to my adrenals, dysautonomia but....so difficult to have that intense fear come over you so often of how do you hold your arm up, what are you doing, etc...

 

[jesse's mom]

I could not get dressed last year. I could not have anyone over, the sound and the light was too much.
I got some real clothes on, wrapped three gifts in the middle of the night.

The group here today fried my brain in less than two hours! I am glad I took my benzo!

We have not had time to do gifts here yet today, really. just adapting as we can.

I am keeping you in my love and light!

 

[Wolfcub]

My kindest thoughts to you @sunshine44
You are not alone, at least here. There is almost always someone around here as it spans all time zones, and as far as I can make out quite a few of us sleep at odd times anyway.
And we all understand and have been there in one way or another.

These things are bad enough, when they come any time but feel even meaner at Christmas or some such holiday.
Loving thoughts from me, and

 

[sunshine44]

thank you so much for your kind words and for you guys reminding me there is someone else out there. Thank you.

 

[wigglethemouse]

Thinking of you too @sunshine44. One day at a time, and not too many expectations. This year I told myself that I would celebrate Christmas week, rather than Christmas day, so I put less pressure on myself and enjoy when I can.

I'm thankful that I can do a little more this year than last, but it is still very tough. Take care

 

[sunshine44]

wise words <3

 

[Shoshana]

Sending understanding and and and a to you, @sunshine44

 

[i-lava-u]

I know it is not easy
it feels very bad

to be stuck in bed
is really very sad

The "what if's"
and
"I wonders"

are hard
to ignore

but the best medicine
for now
is to rest
that's for sure

So,
try to be
gentle

try to be
kind

to your soul

and

to your mind.

You are worthy
and
valuable
exactly
as you are

don't ever forget
you are a
shining star

I hope your tomorrow
is better
than today

Sending hugs
and
caring
floating
your way

 

[sunshine44]

I know it is not easy
it feels very bad

to be stuck in bed
is really very sad

The "what if's"
and
"I wonders"

are hard
to ignore

but the best medicine
for now
is to rest
that's for sure

So,
try to be
gentle

try to be
kind

to your soul

and

to your mind.

You are worthy
and
valuable
exactly
as you are

don't ever forget
you are a
shining star

I hope your tomorrow
is better
than today

Sending hugs
and
caring
floating
your way

so kind! thank you everyone so much for these reminders and love. happy holidays to each of you and I hope you have many moments of peace and joy.

 

[Shoshana]

That is a beautiful poem, @i-lava-u FOR @sunshine44

And for many of the rest of us, too. Thanks SO very much for that!

Thinking of you, today, @sunshine44
SHe is right, you are a shining