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    Created in 2008, Phoenix Rising is the largest and oldest forum dedicated to furthering the understanding of and finding treatments for complex chronic illnesses such as chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS), fibromyalgia (FM), long COVID, postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS), mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS), and allied diseases.

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Cognitive Dissonance

I know life's a blessing but I'm really struggling to reconcile this disease with the way I've been striving to lead my life. I spent the first twenty years on this planet just trying to break away from embedded dysfunctional family dynamics. I put myself through University while working full time (Canadian Ivy) I went through years of counseling to make sure that the generations of problematic relationships ended with me. Then in my last year of University, with one class left to pass I came down with this enigma of a "syndrome." I'm $65,000 in debt for my education and I've tried to wrap up my degree and pass my final statistics class three times to no avail.

My loans come due next month, and I don't have the faintest suggestion of what I can do to generate income without the energy reserve to cover the essentials like household chores. I'm sinking, I'm so sad. I wanted so much for my life, despite the odds stacked against me by my family background. I thought the odds were stacked due to my socioeconomic class and my abusive parents, little did I know it was going to come at me genomically as well as economically...

I've tried hard to avoid self pity, I'm resilient by nature and always try to find a way to fight for a better day. But it's really challenging watching friends and former classmates go on to achieve their goals while I'm stranded on the sidelines. There's so much I have left to do, and I can't seem to find a way to do it.


senior member
Concord, NH
Is it possible to have your college loans forgiven since you are "disabled"? If you have been found to be disabled. I have had that done in the USA, still in the disability process, and could not afford to repay my loans. I found about this option some how, I don't recall.


PS Sorry to hear all that you wanted to do. Unfortunately I have had to live with my dysfunctional family, but that appears to be coming to a close! Seen 2 Drs in the disability process now, and they concur I am disabled, just one more Dr to see. And not sure if he says I am not if that sinks my ship :) Hang in there!


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Moderator Resource
Southern California
@Jules81 - welcome to the board! @*GG* made a good suggestion. There's got to be information available about what to do in a situation like yours re your school loans.

Re your health - the good news is you are young (I assume!) and have not been sick for very long (relatively speaking), thus increasing your chances of improving. But I think you need to learn as much as you can about this illness in order to avoid harming yourself through things like over exertion and so on. There are many things which can help people with this illness improve their functioning.

Also, there is more research now than ever before, more discoveries are being made, it's a much better time to be ill than 20 years ago. See this for example: http://forums.phoenixrising.me/index.php?threads/cortene-peptide-for-mecfs-curative.56764/

I know it must be very difficult to see your friends and classmates moving forward towards achieving their goals while you can't - you do have company on this board though. It can help tremendously to find others here who are going through the same thing and to see how they deal with this.


Senior Member
It sounds like you are eligible for disability, so definitely apply, the sooner, the better. Sounds like you're in Canada. There are several Canadians on here.

It might be worthwhile to make a new post about applying for disability in Canada - put that info in the title so other Canadians can find it easily and give you info about how they went through the process. It does look like student loan debt can be forgiven (assuming you get approved).

The process looks similar to the US process, which could mean a long haul if you get denied.

If there is a service like Allsup in Canada, that may be the best way to go. Allsup was started by people who worked for US disability, so they know how to fill out the forms and what kind of medical evidence to provide to get your claim approved quicker in the process.

jesse's mom

Senior Member
Alabama USA
I am so Sorry you are hurting and sick. Life is not over, just very different than you expected. I have heard of many young people recover. There has been good response and advice on this thread.
I went through the student loan forgiveness process in the US. I had to apply for Social Security Disability, it took about two years. Keep in mind If you have to get a lawyer like I did make sure they win their cases and that is the only law they practice.
Truly best of luck to you.
I see you wrapped in warm love and acceptance of where you are right now with the possibility of improvement or a cure coming right up!