can feel myself shutting down again

[hurtingallthetimet]

i deal with depression among many things...things are always overwhelming to me but lately and it happens every so often i feel like im having a nervous breakdown and shutting down..more depression...just tired of all the sickness...tired of it all...

not sure why i get like this every little bit but i do...being ill is so exhuasting...i try to look on bright side of thinigs...but its so hard when you are sick..i know i could be much worse but i know i could be much better also and i miss it..i cried all night and woke up with a mirgrane and feeling even worse..i think one thing making me more moody is im trying to lose weight again for the millionith time and with no luck..ive not lost anything and im follwing the diet given by doctor and still nothing..no thyroid problems or nothing just the wieght stays on..its crazy..

just needed to vent..no one else to talk to about it...if i bring it up to sister or mom i hear how they can eat anything and not gain a pound how skinny they are etc. etc. etc. its cruel..i would never respond to my daughter like that...just wish we all could have some good healthy weeks in our lives for those who dont...

 

[Boule de feu]

i deal with depression among many things...things are always overwhelming to me but lately and it happens every so often i feel like im having a nervous breakdown and shutting down..more depression...just tired of all the sickness...tired of it all...

not sure why i get like this every little bit but i do...being ill is so exhuasting...i try to look on bright side of thinigs...but its so hard when you are sick..i know i could be much worse but i know i could be much better also and i miss it..i cried all night and woke up with a mirgrane and feeling even worse..i think one thing making me more moody is im trying to lose weight again for the millionith time and with no luck..ive not lost anything and im follwing the diet given by doctor and still nothing..no thyroid problems or nothing just the wieght stays on..its crazy..

just needed to vent..no one else to talk to about it...if i bring it up to sister or mom i hear how they can eat anything and not gain a pound how skinny they are etc. etc. etc. its cruel..i would never respond to my daughter like that...just wish we all could have some good healthy weeks in our lives for those who dont...

Can't say much, except that I feel for you. Hang in there. You are not alone.

 

[Valentijn]

i think one thing making me more moody is im trying to lose weight again for the millionith time and with no luck..ive not lost anything and im follwing the diet given by doctor and still nothing..no thyroid problems or nothing just the wieght stays on..its crazy..

It's likely our citric acid (kreb's) cycle isn't functioning properly. We get the calories, then most of them can't be converted into energy, and they get stored as fat instead.

Losing weight is on my "to do" list for AFTER I get well. In the mean time, just trying to keep things from getting worse.

 

[RosieBee]

We all fear the times when we shut down like this and there doesn't seem to be a reason for it. I found with this latest crash I had strong mood dips that I had not experienced in previous crashes. It disturbed me greatly as it was unusual for me to feel like giving up like that. The good news is that last year I looked into how I deal with carbohydrates and made some changes to my diet and those terrible lows have gone away completely. I started by reading the 'Potatoes not Prozac' book and found the information about serotonin, beta-endorphins and mood made good sense to me, linked in with blood sugar stabilisation. Maybe the weight reduction diet you are on is causing you to feel so bad. Hang on in there, you will be out of it again soon.

 

[hurtingallthetimet]

thanks for the replies...valentijn i dont think id heard of the crtric acid not functioning and may be cause...

im still on the diet praying ill lose alot of weight soon...its so hard when you try and its echausting...i just hate being sick also...miss doing things with my family..angry that if i do anyting i have to take pain medications to get through it and then thers always the flares and crashes after anything...angry how people sometimes act towards chronic pain and chronic fatigue...id over heard someoene making nasty remarks to each other about a person whod parked in handi cap spot..the person looked normal but i thought nothing of it..they had a sticker and theres many invisible illness..doctor has suggested i get sticker for really bad days and park further away on ok days for alittle exercise...but to hear the nasty remarks they made about this person they knew nothing about...

obvisoulsy they were ill they had a sticker...and though they looked normal and were getting shopping done...the nasty people had no idea what that person goes through daily...people have to shop for themselves and family...have to get out and do things...its sad...i have to..im in pain...anxiety...fatigue the whole time and afterwards like most on board its all even wrose later...i just hate to see people treated badly this happened long time ago but id seen someone complaining that i walked by another time about someone parking in handi cap spot that looked fine....it looks like if a person has a sticker people would treat them with respect and understand they have to be ill or doctor would give it to them... i think about how hard it is to be so ill and have little to no support and i feel for others...people can be so cruel...

 

[taniaaust1]

I myself have found that at times when Im wanting to just shut myself away from everything, it is a protective mechanism (as far as the ME/CFS goes). That may be something for you to consider if it is being a protective thing (to give you more of a rest) or not. I get very overwhelmed when Im trying to do too much.

As far as weight loss goes.. diets as such arent such a good thing as weight loss needs to be a permanent shift or lifestyle change in some way either regularly eatting less calories or having far less carbs. Many of us seem to have issues with carbs, if I eat a banana a day (bananas are quite high in carbs), I weight gain.

Its a trial and error thing which kind of weight loss change you need to make it your life and I personally dont think its like one thing suits all. If you dont feel emotionally"good" on a certain diet or feeling worst in any way, I'd think that diet then is probably wrong for you.

i think one thing making me more moody is im trying to lose weight again for the millionith time and with no luck..ive not lost anything and im follwing the diet given by doctor and still nothing..no thyroid problems or nothing

There are many things which can make a person hold onto weight and put it on and which doctors do not think to test for.. eg insulin resistance.

 

[Ivana]

Hi Hurtingallthetime

I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. Whilst I don't have the weight issues (as I can barely eat anything), I do have the depression and I completely understand how you feel. I also feel sorry for other people a lot and it gets me down when I hear of something bad happening to them too. You must also have a sympathetic personality, like me. I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone. I've been extremely depressed lately due to a reaction to some meds, and it's sent my brain wild. I find that taking Prozac and seeing a psychologist helps with the depression. It can't cure us, of course, but even a little goes a long way in this illness.

Best wishes and know that there's people out there thinking of you

Ivana

 

[Calathea]

Hey hurt, sorry to hear you're having a rough patch. With regard to the dieting, doctors know practically nothing about weight loss. Weight loss is extremely complex, for starters, that's one reason why it's so difficult. Doctors just aren't equipped to deal with that level of complexity, think about how they struggle with ME as an example. A doctor friend of mine has done research in obesity and even so I think she understands the bare minimum about the social and psychological aspects of weight loss, she was focused on a medication approach.

It may be the case that your body isn't capable of losing weight at the moment. There's no research on ME and weight that I know of, but many of us have substantial weight problems one way or the other, and it looks like there are solid physical reasons why some people just can't shift the weight while they're ill (and others are underweight and can't gain no matter what they try). You have to go into attempted weight loss with ME knowing that it may not work, and you mustn't blame yourself if you turn out to be one of the one of the people who can't lose weight. Even if it turns out that you are able to lose some amount of weight, self-blame is incredibly bad for weight loss, it's a problem many of us struggle with. You also have to go into attempted weight loss at the right time for you, which it may or may not be right now.

I'd suggest finding yourself a really good support group for weight loss. Make sure it's one where they have an understanding of chronic illness, of mental illness, will accept that you are unable to exercise for weight loss (any exercise you do should be part of ME pacing, do NOT aim to lose weight through exercise), and will accept that you may be biologically prevented from losing weight at all. I used the 3 Fat Chicks website when I was losing weight. It's good in many ways, although eventually I got tired of it (all forums have their snags). I think that place is worth a shot, it's got lots of people with ME and a nice big forum for discussing mental health problems as well, so that you can talk about how your depression may factor into your weight if that helps. There are a lot of very wise people on there, and lots of useful discussions about both the psychological and the social aspects, for instance what to do when a family member or partner tries to sabotage your weight loss. Plus, of course, there are subforums for all sorts of different diet plans. And of course there are the usual forum dramas, you get those everywhere, but it's not too bad in that respect. They should be able to talk you through what you've tried so far and identify why you've been having difficulty with it, and whether it's something you can fix or not. Please do mention that there's a possibility that you may not be able to lose weight because of the ME, though, as not everyone there will understand that.

 

[Daffodil]

hi hurting. i have also gained weight due to this disease. i try not to let it bother me and hope that if i ever get well, i can lose it again. i believe it is best to wait and not diet while you are unwell.

i wish i could help. have you tried any of the newer treatments for the disease? perhaps the chatroom here might be a good place to vent and get some support.

xooxoxoxo

 

[Googsta]

Hey Hurting

I am with Valentjn's point of view. Try to maintain.
Please don't let your weight get you down. It is MUCH more important that you eat things to fuel & rebuild your body than to lose weight.

I have just been tested pre-diabetic (Diabetes is 11.1+ I am 10.1). That has really help me change my whole mind set. Now I am seeing food as a fuel & not as a crutch. I must say eating small, low GI meals has helped me in all sorts of ways, even improving my depressed mood. If I lose weight all well & good, what I am aiming for is good cholesterol & blood sugars.
I wish I had employed this way of thinking alot sooner, when I was a size 14 & thought I was huge, an 18 & so on.......

Hang in there

 

[Valentijn]

I felt like I was crashing on Friday morning around 11am, so I checked my blood sugar, and it had gone hypoglycemic. It had been three hours since I had eaten, and that was a bowl of cereal with soy milk (very little protein, no fat, lots of carbs).

Since then, I'm trying (once again) to eat small amounts incorporating some protein and carbs every couple hours. I'm not watching calories currently, but eating 100-200 calories at a time, typically every 2 hours. While doing this, I notice that I'm hungry immediately after eating something that is all carbs (cereal, fruit), but don't get hungry for a couple hours if I eat a mixture of protein and carbs (a small piece of toast with cottage cheese on it).

I'm trying this based on the theory of the Kreb's Cycle being dysfunctional in ME/CFS. For some reason, we seem to have an impaired ability to form the first substance in the Kreb's Cycle, citrate, and maybe even the substances that feed into the Kreb's Cycle. Unfortunately, this is how all sugars and fats enter the Kreb's Cycle, and many proteins.

As a result, we may not be able to use many of the carbohydrates we eat. But ... we can still use some, and need some. Eaten fats are probably even less useful to a malfunctioning Kreb's Cycle, though theoretically we might be able to burn stored fats inefficiently overnight.

But proteins enter the Kreb's Cycle at several different points, some of them later than carbohydrates and fats. This is probably our primary source of energy, which still isn't very good because so many proteins try to enter the Kreb's Cycle at the beginning, where it's malfunctioning.

If we don't get enough proteins or other fuel, our bodies will break down protein in muscles to use for energy, which could account for muscle wasting.

I'm also wondering if our possible reliance on protein for energy is the cause of lowered protein levels found in various ME/CFS studies. Instead of getting peed out, many proteins are getting sucked into the Kreb's Cycle, causing low levels elsewhere?