The question is how many times were you 'emotionally over-sensitive' and didn't contract ME?
You are questioning my own interpretation of my illness in the same way that we find so abhorrent in physicians. I can judge my own behavior, and am skilled at telling when it differs from 'my normal'. I am the expert when it comes to my own body and my own mind.
I was not depressed before onset, and would never say that depression had 'caused' onset. But
along with my physical symptoms came tearfulness, rage, and the tendency to be easily irritable. I can directly link these behaviors to increases in inflammatory cytokines: no voodoo here. Frankly, the other times I've felt that way is when I had a very bad fever / acute illness: prone to tears and upset and irritability. My family always joked about how 'teenaged' I get when I'm sick: 'come here.
Sit with me. No, go away. No, bring me water.'
I've think I've read about people in early stages of diseases who feel more stressed or depressed prior to being diagnosed
Definitely part of the picture. I strongly feel that there is a period of grief one goes through with chronic illness, as you mourn the passing of your good health, the life you had invariably storyboarded in your head. This was different: it happened when I was very sick but before I admitted something was wrong, so the grief wasn't there, yet. If I had to give it a psych name, I would call it 'emotional lability'.
And now, as previously stated, I am likely more psychologically healthy than I have ever been. Something that invariably weirds out physicians, btw. Even when they fully and strongly believe that ME is not related to depression, there's this image that chronically ill people are just supposed to be sad about it and live the rest of their lives in mourning. I remember a physician said softly, "... and how's your social life?" I was excited to answer, because I was proud of myself: I've always been an introvert at heart. "Better than ever!" I said. "I was really worried about working just from home, so I joined a book club and sometimes we also go to cooking or painting classes together. And I make sure to go out with my best friend at least once or twice a week, and out to lunch with my mother once a week. Honestly I'm more social now than I was before!" The look on her face.
This WAS, unfortunately, a physician who STRONGLY associated ME with depression, and all my interactions with her made her bloody baffled. At that point I didn't know this, and had no idea why she found this a shocking answer. It seems logical to go out of your way to get more social interaction if you know that you'll be limited at other times.
I always feel like I should apologize after that, because I know 25% of us are housebound or bedbound, but I'm not there.
-J